Is it normal to feel this way??

[poigol5043]

Hi,

I've been on this forum a few times now. I first started reading these posts when i was feeling really down. It helped to know there are people out there who feel as bad as i do. Maybe that's selfish but it's true.

This is the first time i'm posting because tonight just reading other people's posts doesn't feel like enough. I broke up with my girlfriend today. It was a long distance, 'Met her in the summer' type relationship and i decided it was probably better in the long term to end things now rather than to drag it out and to get really hurt further down the line.

This isn't the first time i've felt like this. I'm 22 now, going through high school i was picked on and never fit in. I was always sad, lonely and didn't see the point in living anymore. At the end of sixth form i was in a relationship and everything was looking sunny and bright. I was looking forward to going to uni and leaving the lonliness and everything else behind. My girlfriend at the time stayed in my home town while i spent the first year at uni. It was awful. I cried myself to sleep occassionally, didn't have many friends and didn't want any friends. I ended up dropping out and moving back to my home town just as my girlfriend was moving to the city i went to uni at. She spent a year at uni while i went through periods of employment and unemployment and also periods of feeling happy and gloomy. these feelings were getting worse and worse until eventually after working at a summer job i decided i couldn't deal with her anymore so i left her. i spent the autumn and the winter jobless back living with mum. i felt like i had nothing. no job. no girlfriend. all i had was the gym. it was my escape and it seemed to work, i got a job in january which i'm at now, i work with kids which means i'm wearing my happy mask from 9 til 5 most days. i've tried to get more involved with people and make lasting friendships but i'm not good at it. i just want to be alone most of the time and when i need someone to talk to i'm not close enough to anyone.

My latest girlfriend i met in june she was on a summer contract at my work and she was perfect. I asked her out two weeks before she finished work and it went amazingly. she then went back home 250 miles away from me and we saw each other twice since then, the second time being this weekend. Throughout the last couple of months i've still felt unhappy with life and lonely but it helped to be able to remind myself that i have someone to look forward to. She left this afternoon. This morning we talked about being so far apart and that nothing good can come of us being together so we decided to end it. we kissed goodbye and that was it. the end of another relationship forwho knows how long?? Just to top things off i might not have a job in january as the next years contract is linked to passing a driving test.

When i started writing this i was balling my eyes out feeling helpless and alone and even now i'm feeling a lot calmer and hopeful about life. I know that this won't be the last time i feel like this. Maybe next time i have a bad couple of weeks i can look back at this and remind myself that there is an end, i just can't see it.

[Hidden]

Hi nice to meet you. I am sorry you are going through this at the moment. A lot of it is just 'that's life' and you do learn to be more resilent with age. Have you sought help with your depression? If not you need to see your doctor as meds and/or counselling should be able to help you.

You are right there will be an end to it - many people go through bad episodes in their lives when everything seems hopeless and not worthwhile. Then life becomes a lot better. It's even worse when it hits us depressives as we take things to heart a lot more. You sound fairly positive so hold on to that and the hope that your life will improve a lot more in the future. Meanwhile stay with us here and we will do our best to support and help you. Ok? x

[Olderal]

If you're depressed you won't see an end. There will be an end though as you seem to know deep down.

How about passing your driving test no matter what happens . It will probably double the number of jobs available to you. If its out of the question at the moment do it as soon as possible as a very high priority.

Don't worry overmuch about the girlfriends. We know it hurts but you'll have more of them, hopefully including one you'll want as a lfe partner and by one of the miracles of life she'll want you as a life partner. Its so implausible for all of us but it happens all the time.

Olderal