im sorry if i sound angry but im feeling so low its been 2 1/2 weeks since i lost my mum one minute im fine the next im in tears im mixed up and crying my stomachs all mixed up sometimes i feel sick after food im not loosing weight so i suppose its a good sign as years ago a doctor said if i lost weight without trying to go back to see them ! ive always had it in the back of my head stomach cancer as i lost a aunt to it 3 years ago ! im sorry this may sound mixed up but its the way my minds working lately ! ive met a lot of great friends on here and would like to keep them so please bare with me and take care david

19 Replies

  • Hi David and I really feel your pain. Grief is a tough tough slow journey, so

    Give yourself time and the pain will lessen a bit, but I found the first few months

    Very very hard.

    We are here for you and will be here no matter what, so don't worry about that.

    Tears are natural too, unless you have a heart of stone. Your Mum would

    Not want you to be so upset David. I m here for a chat anytime.

    Hugs and care to you David.


  • thank you hannah its just when i think things are going well it starts up again ! ive heard times a great healer i can but hope things get easier as i hate trying to show a smiling face when i just want to crumple up in a corner ! again thank you my friend david x

  • David been there think only thing you should concern yourself is mourning your mum and when your ready start trying to lose weight one thing at a time

    Lots of love sent your way xx

  • thank you.little lady im trying with the support of my.family and my friends on here ! david

  • Hi David you are grieving that's why. It gets all of us and take many different forms but you have no choice but to go through it I'm afraid. It's not been long since you lost your lovely mum - it's been 2 years since I lost mine and I am still grieving.

    But things do get better over time trust me. The way which helped me the most was spending more time with the rest of my family coz you all understand how you feel. Can you do this? Meantime be patient with yourself and understand it for what it is.

    I know it's an old cliché but time really is a great healer. You will always carry a special place in your heart for her and that will never change. Lots of warm cuddly hugs. Bev xx

  • hi bev i know its early days im proberly expecting to much so soon ! i know everyone has there own way of coping i will find mine as time passes ! again thank you so much tc david

  • Sorry for your loss. We go through so many feelings when w loose someone.

    Not only loss we can suffer anger, cheated, relief. There are so many that the list can prove to be extensive

    We need to give ourselves time for this period to pass and if possible you need to try and talk to family members about this loss.

    Be kind to yourself, give yourself time to grieve and put all these feelings a chance to mellow. Also heal

    Generally grief can last for up to two years, eventually these feelings will abate and you will be able to continue on your life journey remembering those bitter, sweet feelings with affection and sometimes with those regrets that had made a positive, loving relationship between you and and Mother

    Take care


  • hi bob thank you for your reply the anger part is still happening just now along with the wish i could talk to her one more time ! im glad ive got friends on here that i can talk to if i need to for that im thankful ! thanks again my friend david !

  • David

    Thank you, your a good person


  • That's lovely Bob xx

  • I lost my mum 25 years ago when I was 12 and two years later my dad too at the age of 14. Now in my late 30s I still miss them... esp my dad. A loss of a parent is very difficult A fact : you will never get over it but you will learn to live with it . It's early days I know it's frustrating not being able finish mourning but give your self a break... when you can ...go under the duvet and shut down and cry Is it a man thing that frustrates you Not being able to finish the mourning process? I hope you don't misunderstand my question coz women take all the time to mourn.... I understand you ...as a woman I refuse to cry So as a result it takes me longer to get over a death and leads to depression. Take as long as it takes to mourn your wonderful mum and a tip remember her for her life and not her death if you have siblings talk about the wonderful times you had with her. Remember the good parts

    Hope it helps

    Wishing you good recovery and good health

  • When I was a child I was taught not to show emotion, it was a hard lesson to be beaten into my brain.

    When I lost anyone I was able to remain detached from showing emotion.

    Everyone in my family would use that lack of feeling so they would not need to address the death or loss.

    As soon as all arrangements were arranged, they would take over from me and I was left to drift.

    One problem I suffered when I lost my Father there was no emotion. I had been trained well by them, by there cruelty

    Now I do not know when family dies and to be honest it makes no difference to me if they are alive or dead.

    When Hazel and family lost her Mother it was me that took over any slack and again when all arrangements where made, they took over from me.

    Strange to say I thought a great of my Mother in Law, it would have been nice to show emotion, there was none.

    My extended family passed down an Aunt who had Dementia and I had all the arrangements and meetings etc to make. There was no help shown to me, they never visited Her. When She died I made all arrangements and

    again I had no emotion. The difference was at that time I walked away from my family

    When I lost my Terrier I showed more emotion then as the dog had been with me for thirteen years. His love was all encompassing He never asked for anything and was my familier


  • Same for me Bob, a family who thought it odd to cry for someone. On the way to Mum's funeral my sister was chattering on about the new supermarket being built, and even when she arrived at the hospital and found Mum had just died she went on about another little old lady in the corridor and was chatting away to her. They all viewed me as really odd because I cried freely at the funeral. I remember my sister saying it was odd that I was keeping a bunch of flowers in a vase on my desk when in her view they were past it, they were only a few days old and lovely and I wanted to hold onto the good feelings about having been bought them. People like that don't realise that they are unable to find personal meaning in objects, that the reason we are all different and enjoy and value different things is because of what they mean for us - how sad not to realise that.

    Sorry David, I have not offered my condolences to you about the death of your Mum but instead have responded to Davids post because it resonated with my experiences. Take time to grieve for your mum, and why hide your tears, talk about her and let the tears come, it's normal and healthy and anyone who does not understand that is not worth bothering about because they will not understand you anyway.


  • We are no less a man when we show raw sadness and emotion


  • It is true and I am sorry for you. I was never prevented from crying I just cannot break down in front of anyone I hide it and suppress it but I have learnt to deal with it My friends always reminds me that I am like a ticking bomb and my answer is just waiting for my girl to be 18 and then I am on Highway to Hell ;) I have a wonderful network of friends and family that will be there if it ever happens ( fingers crossed) FYI Bob I am trying to like your comments and it's not letting me

  • My reply was for you bob it's down there

  • Exactly, well said Bob, in fact I think it makes a man more of a man, more human. x

  • I am so sorry for your loss david.ive just put something on here to someone else about dying.grief from loosing someone you love shows up in so many different ways.my best wishes to you.

  • David,

    I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain you are inevitably feeling. I wish there was something I could do to make it better or speed up feeling a bit better but it will take you time. You have lots of friends on here who will understand how you are feeling. Take care of yourself

    Sarah x

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