Self harmed for the first time today

[cedarskies]

Last night I did something I really regret to someone else that was just really horrible - I can't bring myself to share it. I've never had the urge to self harm before but the whole day it's all I could think of, and when I finally got home I self harmed for the first time. I made about 5 cuts of which 2 drew blood and I'm really horrified because it's left me with this buzzing feeling that actually helps numb my mental pain. Ever since I first began to have suicidal thoughts in the summer I've been scared of myself. They began to reduce in frequency and I hadn't had any for some 2 weeks before today and now God knows I just want a roof.

I just want to take it all back and escape...

[Hidden]

Hi I understand what you are saying and I think all of us have been horrible sometimes without meaning to or because we weren't thinking straight. I have found the best way to deal with this is to sincerely apologise to the person. Even if they don't accept it you have done the right thing. Ok? And learn from it too.

Please don't go down the route of self harming as this is a terrible habit to get into and very hard to break. You don't say if you are seeking any help at the moment? If not please get yourself down to the doctors and tell them what is going on. Self harming as well as suicidal thoughts are red flags that you need help.

Please listen to me and ring your doctors first thing on Monday. If you feel you are in danger now, take yourself off to A and E and keep yourself safe. x

[AussieKel83]

Have you got someone you can call right now to talk to??? Or is someone home with you? You don't deserve to be thinking these thoughts...I don't get them, but I've had similar thoughts and they are bloody scary enough. Can you even get to your local hospital or call and ambulance to get you...you don't want/need to be alone right now. Are you taking any meds or are you fighting this alone?

[AussieKel83]

And in life, we all do things to people that we may regret or torture ourselves for. People make mistakes & have regrets, that's just life. Other may do things to people & walk away not giving a shit...people like "us" dwell & have so many regretful thoughts...that's because we have big hearts & worry if we hurt people...intentional or not. Whatever you did...it's done now & cang be changed. The best thing you can do is apologies, and it's up to them if they accept it or not. Then you need to force yourself to move on from it. Being it happened last night, it's still very fresh in your mind. In a few days time the impact you're feeling now won't seem as harsh & you'll gradually remove the heaviness of thoughts from your mind. Please just get to the hospital now if you think your self harm & suicide thoughts are to strong. You should be ah least very proud of yourself for reaching out to this forum & being able to express what you are feeling. We all may not know each other, but we can all sympathise in one way or another!

[Hidden]

Hello

We do not know what you have done, or how you have done it, hopefully the person you have hurt is ok now after your outburst

When you self harmed did you lose much blood or is it now the stress that is causing.the noise in your head ?. If you are in a low mood and you are in danger and

You say you want a roof and need help. Can I advise that you, go and present yourself to the police or A and E and ask to be put in a place of safety. You will also need to see a doctor or A and E hospital because of the cuts and the sensation you are feeling.

Is the person you have hurt ok ??.

BOB

[cedarskies]

Thank you guys for replying. It means a lot.

First, I'm seeking treatment for my depression. I've been going to counselling for a while, which involves CBT. I've been taking Citalopram for nearly 2 months now.

Second, the buzzing feeling I talked about was a physical sensation in my arm and not a feeling in my head. If any of you have ever been tattooed, it feels similar to the buzzing of the needle in your arm.

Shortly after writing this post I had a massive panic attack which, luckily someone close to me was there for and helped calm me down through. I apologised to the person I hurt profusely after I learnt they were hurt, and have just apologised again in a more coherent, thought out manner.

I'm not sure I'm capable of going to the hospital or to the doctor and seeking help. I'm scared they'll take me off my meds and that's one of the only things keeping me alive right now. I really don't know what else to do and I'm so scared.