Not an alcoholic

[KHaynes]

But I often like a drink on and off in life sometimes more sometimes less. I learnt by mistake how not to drink too often or too much.

So here I am on a summer evening with the door open and a glass of rose I would like a take away but that means getting dressed properly and walking down the hill. Besides my son is cooking sausages for tomorrow ugh I think I have gone off meat.

I was so sad reading about fat Al and his small Virgin penis has he ever come back?

Seems like many people have weight issues. I am not thin but tall ish I have got a tummy but i can live with it.

If only I wanted to go on living

Don't preach about the alcohol please I am not recommending it its just what I am doing and I am ok with it i had the bottle for weeks opened it days ago on the last glass today.

[Hidden]

Hi Fat Al was ages ago, I had virtually forgotten him. There is nowt wrong with having a glass of wine or 2 as long as it's not every day. I drink myself but not wine - lager. But I only have a couple of pints 2/3 times a week. I aim to have at least 3 alcohol free days a week as I think this is healthier. The only drink problem I have is that I can't afford enough of it!

Do you know why you don't want to go on living? I presume you have sought treatment for how you feel. There is a big difference though between not wanting to live and wanting to die. Is there any way you can make your life more bearable?

Are you happy with giving us more to go on please? bev x

[KHaynes in reply to Hidden]

Yes to treatment so they reduced my dose

The first w eek I thought I had bounced back but now am really down again

I have posted before if you can find them cos I was following the advice to introduce... Which I did it helped but I don't want to go on about it now

Apparently I am in mourning but I know my lovely man would not want this for me although of course he would like to know he was missed

[Hidden in reply to KHaynes]

Sorry my memory is not what it was. I cannot concentrate enough to go through back posts. It is quite common to be very up and down though. Bev x

[KHaynes in reply to Hidden]

Going back to Dr he said I should improve in two weeks

I knew it took time but the rest of my life seems like forever

[Hidden]

Yes I can relate to that too K. When I was young I used to think I cannot carry on for the rest of my life and imagining being 40 or 60 was impossible. All I could see was a great blank. But hey ho time has a habit of speeding up the older you get and now I am 61 and am amazed I am still here and mainly grateful. Well 80% of the time anyway which is good enough I guess.

I am proud of myself for surviving that long and with my head still mainly intact. I have never lost my way enough to take to drugs or drink as a crutch which I am pleased about.

One of the consolations of being older is that you know yourself a lot better and problems are usually easier to deal with coz you have been there before. It's less frightening than it was. Also I like myself a lot better now than when I was young even though there are times I wish I didn't know myself so well!

You know you are getting old when you can have a mutual conversation about illness and you really enjoy it...

Keep carrying on love, and have hope for your future.

Bev xx

[Photogeek in reply to Hidden]

Hi Bev I just want to say what a lovely life affirming positive Post

That was. Yes life improves I think as we get older, and we all go

Through different stages. We can go through stages when time

Seems to stop and our pain seems insurmountable but hey life and

Time does not stop, and we live to fight another day.

My late Partner died suddenly 6 yrs ago and it was devastating and

My heart was broken, But I had to keep going , broken and all as I

Was . The fact that I was working probably helped, as I had to support

Myself and get to work every day. Looking back I realised that my

Boss in work.was quite unsympathetic. Her attitude was harsh, your

Partner is gone and get on with it. Her attitude was awful even though

Before I always had a good relationship with her.

I am retired now and I like my life, it's not perfect as living on a Pension

As an adult who lives alone is not the easiest. My point is that life

Is a mish mash the good and the not so good. We just have to

Make the best of it. Today I am so grateful that I live without Pain

As last year I had back surgery as I was in agony for over 6 months.

So my life today is relatively good, this Forum has helped me enormously

And the friendship of the people here has been so supportive and

Kind and funny. So Yay for all here.

I take each day as it comes and stumble along somehow. Bevs post

Triggered this Post , as Bev always writes from the heart and is

Always so so honest and down to earth.

I enjoy the little things Walking, Painting and Yoga too. I like pottering

Around the kitchen baking some stuff. All Arts and Crafts I love

And the biggest thing in my life that makes me sad is my lack of

Contact with my family, but that's a Post for another day.

I never meant this post to be this long but here it is anyway.

Hannah x

[Hidden in reply to Photogeek]

Aw thats lovely Hannah, it really is. We think alike don't we? I am retired now as you know on my private pensions but can't get my state one for another 4 years.

I like not having to work anymore - my take on it is I have spent my whole life since the age of 15 having to work, and even though it is lonely and I do need a very part time job, both for the money and the company, my life is my own, despite the lonliness that comes with it like you.

Families aren't all they are cracked up to be you know Hannah. I sometimes wish I wasn't in contact with mine, limited though it is.

It must be such a relief to be pain free after all that time though...

I guess you might meet someone else one day though it wouldn't be the same would it? Oh well I guess we must be grateful for what we have as things could be a lot worse.

Love and hugs Bev xxx

[secondhandrose2]

In all this time I hadn't realised you had a partner Hannah, so sorry they died, that must have been hard. xx

[Photogeek in reply to secondhandrose2]

Hi Sue ah that's ok, it's hard to keep track of everyone's life

And details here. Yes he died 6 yrs ago suddenly in Malaga where

He was living.

It was hard at first, especially the first year but time makes it a bit

Easier. I still miss him and I have lots of good memories and of

Course a few not so good, but funnily I tend to look back on that

Relationship as a very happy time in my life.

Hannah xx

[Hidden]

My ex friends who I disown now would spend every waking hour drinking with 2 small children it was sad watching people slowly killing themselves is horrible

I was visiting once and his wife who works as a nurse working nights got up went too the fridge and too a litre bottle of wine and started to drink by the time I left the bottle was empty and they both blind drunk.