Repetitive cycle

My behavior seems to repeat itself, typically on a monthly basis for around 10 days, I turn inwards.

Going from confident, happy, can take on the world, full of ideas and always something to say I become insecure, negative thoughts whirring around in my head which are all just a jumble of 'what do they think of me', 'why do I feel like this', 'is that person looking at me', 'I'm not working fast enought'. I have nothing to say, very aware of my speech to the point I either slur my words, get mumbled up or stop saying anything altogether because I am very aware of how I sound and come across. Where as I am usually very positive, confident, chatty, sociable and friendly with friends and strangers, my tone turns coarse, I have noting to say, I don't want to see anyone and I just want to hide away.

I have recently started a new job and this is my first day where I have felt like this, I now need to go in and face my boss. I am self employed and work very closely as an assistant, just me and my boss in a small room so there is no hiding away from it. The thing is, it is completely noticeable because there is such a shift in my personality and where there is always lots of laughter there is now negativity. I have just started working for 2 businesses both with very lovely people, I am self employed, so my time is precious with them. I feel I spent yesterday with the 2nd business not achieving very much at all, when I am in this place, I find I procrastinate, I go back and forth for no reason, start one thing and don't finish it, start another and don't finish that, then back to the first thing.

I have been to see the doctor and have now been referred to have CBT so we will see if that helps, I am just desperate, I want these episodes to stop. I wonder if I am bi-polar because I feel so on top of the world and then rock bottom but on speaking to my friends and GP, they don't seem to think so. I wonder if it is really severe PMT but it is hard to place, as it can be the 10 days leading up to, during of after my period which is a whole month in itself at varying times. I guess I really just want to be able to label it, so I know what it is, maybe that might help me deal with it.

When I seem to snap out of it, that is just what happens, one day I will wake up and feel slightly positive, I think about it for the morning 'am I feeling better' and then I think 'yes I am' and then by lunch I am in back where I want to be. For the next couple of weeks I am in a happy place until the next time, when it niggles into my life again and then I think 'here it comes' and then 'is it here?' and 'yes it is' for the next two weeks. I am now on day 7 of my low mood and feeling very tearful, rock bottom, so hopefully not much longer to go.

Does this sound similar to how anyone else feels, particularly, the self awareness and problems with speech, going from confident and happy to introvert within what seems a repetitive cycle?


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5 Replies

  • Have to say the PMT thing sounds likely, for it to be so regular your mood shift. If it is the PMT thing well that maybe a good thing because you may be able to control it with the foods you eat and or medication/ tablets.

    I have had terrible PMT but in my day they didn't even have the word for it, don't under estimate the effect it has on you. I still have mood swings because of it and it's a killer. I never was taken seriously and so just lived with it, but maybe you could find a real cure something that works for you.

    Funny I was going to say sounds like CBT is your best bet. Well WELL DONE for going to the docs and opening up to us and your friends. You're doing really well and tackling this is a great idea. Just be kind to yourself and try an weather the storm in a few months it maybe a different story. And keep talking be it here or anywhere that helps you.

    WELL DONE on the new job and try not to worry too much, if you've got this far, well you can do the rest of the way and people here give great advice.

    I want to wish you the very best of luck XX

    Hormones honestly they are a bugger!

  • Thank you, what a lovely reply. It's a regular thing, comes and goes but hard to pin down as sometimes before, during and then after my period at varying times, which means I end up with maybe a ten day gap of good old me.

    When I came on here and posted, I was at my lowest eb, a few days later I am slowly getting better. I know I will be back to normal in a few days until next time. I'm now starting to take evening primrose oil so hopefully that'll help.

    Thanks for your help, I hope all is good with you :-)

  • Hi nice to meet you and welcome to the site. I am glad you have come in here, stay with us and we will help and support you all we can. It's also good that you are seeking treatment.

    I too think it could be PM related. Do you keep a daily diary of your moods? It might be a good idea to start one. Let us know what happens with your treatment. x

  • Hi

    It seems you have difficulty in maintaining an even emotional state - I used to have that problem too and still do at times, though usually when I think about it now I can find good reasons for the change in my mood.

    It COULD be PMT - to check that out you can keep a diary - but it may be that you are struggling with dealing with low feelings that you bring with you from earlier experiences. I wonder when you first began to notice the swings in your mood, whether that is how you were as a child, or it began later?


  • These moods happen before, during or after my period at varying times, there isn't a real pattern so it's hard to know for sure.

    When I was a child, I would sulk a bit to get attention but was generally a happy child. I went through a low patch when my parents had a bad break up and family life was quite difficult, I used to worry a lot about my mum which made me anxious and depressed, to the point my friends noticed and commented. I was only 16.

    Then when I went off to uni, I had my freedom and life was fun, life was great until I broke up with my first girlfriend, I was heartbroken and really struggled to get over her which took years and was probably not helped by the fact that I was partying heard and taking drugs recreationally.

    Fast forward, these monthly moods of intravert behaviour started when I began quite a stressful job, I can't quite rember but they may have even started earlier than that when I was partying.

    I am due to start CBT so hope things will get better. Since I wrote my first post I have got slightly better, I find I hit a real low and then things slowly improve, until next time.

    Thanks for responding to my previous post.