There will always be misunderstanding as frustrating as it is

[Michelle1974]

My depression seems to be viewed as being a miserable selfish person,who is weird and not understood.

What upsets me is if I feel I have had a good day and feel nicer inside me like I have achieved something and those whether in your company or not presume you will ruin everybody else's day.

I may not always join the conversation,I may refuse any food I am offered but in a really nice way, I may even start to nod off but I can't help but be this person depression has turned me into.

Perhaps years ago I would have viewed someone whom was depressed as people now view me but it's awful to have to go through title to understand it.

I am in a ok place at the moment meaning that I am not hiding away.

Does anyone understand me,everybody views thing differently I have learnt that the hard way.

Happy Boxing Day.

Michelle 74

[Golfer15]

Hi Michelle, I understand exactly how you feel. That is the good thing about this forum because we all feel the same way.

The last two days have been tough as I have had to keep that false smile on, as we have been with family, and that is very tiring.

I often fall asleep and dont get much pleasure from anything.

People who dont feel this way dont really understand.

We have the next few days on our own other than looking after my nephews dog so should be ok.

Take care.

David x

[Michelle1974 in reply to Golfer15]

You understand me and that is so nice.

I love my family as you do yours and I find myself looking forward to when I know I can relax and my relaxing is being me.

I find things to do but my loved ones are not that understanding. I find people who have had no bad in their life find it hard to understand which is fair play but I just wish I could get noticed for any achievements I feel I have made instead of people focusing and talking about my failings.

I feel so so guilty,horrible unkind and all the rest for being depressed.

Only now have I rowed with my son over yesterday and I thought I actually did appear as positive as I could well I thought.

How low can you get,honesty sometimes I feel like giving up everything and everyone,would I be any unhappier?

So sorry David,just make sure you enjoy the next few days.

Thanks for your support

Michelle 74 x x

[Golfer15 in reply to Michelle1974]

I have spent the last couple of days with my parents who have been talking about how successful my sister is which makes me feel worse. They never seem to talk about my achievements just as you said.

I feel useless and worthless but I keep going.

Dont give up Michelle.

David x

[Michelle1974]

Thanks for your understanding David it makes me realise I am not the only one who feels this way.

As I never realised the time and some people do sleep at the right times I will no doubt post tomorrow.

Well off I go to watch some programmes I recorded over the last couple of days,I don't know what type of TV programme you enjoy,I am about to watch Eastenders and it could be worse David,Eastend Christmases make our Christmas look peaceful at the side of theirs.

Thanks for the chat

Michelle x

[darleme]

Wow. I thought this was about me. This is so me everyday. Im so confused people don't understand why I am this way. I try like you to do good and people think I'm crabby. Im ok too . But you need to know your not alone. Stay strong. Darlene

[Michelle1974]

Thanks for your reply Darleme,

Now I know what depression is like and I have had it diagnosed and take medication.

I now think back a good fifteen to twenty years and think no I was not an awkward person at times ,when I was told I was and no I did not show myself or anyone else up ,like I have been told I did.

I was most probably in a bad way when things went on.

It's only since I have gained ( took a long time to though) enough confidence to use the word depression in my day to day life that I realise I am not a bad person.

I have a husband and children and I was always carrying round this feeling,too ashamed and worried to be diagnosed with depression as I thought they will take my children away from me as it is the Depression was noticed when I had negligent surgery and the outcome of the surgery was life changing for me.

The children are never mentioned by the doctor at all,maybe it is kept hush hush due to the negligence,who knows how I would have been now ?

Just a little something I thought I would share with you.

Best wishes

Michelle 1974