Hi people. I've just been thinking. I have one friend who I thought I could talk to about anything and vice-versa. There was a time we shared a small apartment - during that time we became great and strong friends. After I moved elsewhere and landed in more stressful situations, with huge stress for me over the littlest things. The thing is, I know there's something not quite right with how my mind deals with these things, so I have tried to tell my friend about it - maybe I was missing something obvious or maybe I would feel better if somebody else I trusted knew how I was feeling or could advise me how I can go about fixing it? I didn't open up fully, just you know bit by bit, in the circumstances where I was extremely depressed and to be honest suicidal (although wouldn't tell anyone that). I would never say I was depressed just that I was stuck on such and such a thing and couldn't see a way through. It's as if I'm hoping for somebody to sit down with me and guide me through some tasks that I can't seem to do. Because I can't get through them on my own. I panic on my own and can't believe that I'm capable of these tasks. It gets to the stage where they build up long-term and I waste my whole life away because my life has been on hold for years as a result of this getting stuck on everything. I'm not sure if getting stuck is a result of, or a contributor to, depression. Anyway, I also tried a similar method with a family member. Both my close friend and family member have closed the door on me opening up to them as if they just don't care if I'm stuck because they don't enjoy hearing me complain about things that, to their minds, I can change easily. I also don't understand why I can't do such easy tasks and am frustrated with myself. I'm always left feeling worse and more alone after trying to talk about it, to the point I've been retrained not to open myself up to anyone, since the two people I thought I could trust the most and who I cared about the most, shut the door in my face.
My main question to you guys is... are they justified? It has been gutting to receive anger from them because they thought I was lapsing into negative talk...even on occasions where I was talking about something else and it was a misunderstanding on their part... I just think that they don't care about me because if they did they would at least want to listen to me and maybe help... I don't think I would ever close the door on somebody like that, who was truly stuck and needed a friend... It's as if they think I'm faking it. And I don't even complain that I'm suffering, only that I'm stuck and I can't seem to do this no matter what I try...I'm worried about my future, etc. I know it can't be the most fun experience hearing this but I have only said it when in dire straits...it's hidden away most of the time...it's not like I go on about it frequently...now when my friend asks me how I am, I often lie and say I'm fine but my honesty of old sometimes creeps through and I will simply say "I'm not feeling good" without expanding more (because I face rejection if I were to explain why I'm so down), but even if I use a short phrase like this and nothing more, and change the subject to something else, I have noticed that I will be guaranteed to be ignored by my friend for a previously unprecedented period of time afterwards..... I know he avoids me now with the least bit of mention of negativity from me... And it hurts... because he was the only real friend I've ever had because I'm extremely shy and closed off.... I am less close to the family member but they did the same and it hurts too. I've asked him why and why over the years, and eventually he said to me that he can't take me talking like that and he can't stand it and he won't listen to it. OK.
Does anyone else have experience of being shut out by friends/family like this? Is it common when someone is a bit more negative than the other can handle? Why don't they see fit to suggest any help or listen - I have always covered up the worst of my negativity and tried to hide it....but nowadays I virtually cover it ALL up because of what happens...
Really sorry for the train of thought, long ass post
Written by
mindblank
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Wow I just sent you the longest reply and zippidy doo dar lost it!
So sorry, so heres the short version lucky you
See if you can get councelling, what this will do is check for any underlaying problems that maybe causing your depression, teach you coping skills and allow you to air your feelings to a professional at listening.
Your family and friends arent up to this, they cant bare to see you suffer and not know how to help you, relieve them of this for now. As you get help you will better be able to gude them as to how they can support you and things will improve. Or you may not need them to support you as you add coping skills to your emotional tool box.
We all need help sometimes and just cos your a man doesn't make you exempt, no one need know you talk to a councellor and long gone are the days when it was seen as a sign or weakness or shame at not being able to cope.
One thing I said in my super long reply is having read your other post it is possible you could be dyslexic like me. You display alot of the emotional symptoms that go with that. Now I dont think everyone is dyslexic and I would like to point out generally dyslexics have high IQs we just process information differently
All Im saying is if that were the underlaying problem well then the coping skills may need to be different and you may be able to irradicate some of the problems completely. Not least the worry of NOT knowing whats seemingly wrong with you!
Anyway the people here give great advice and great hugs, well done for talking and opening up.
Im sorry you feel so bad now, but if it helps you seek help and ultimately reduce your anxiety and worry, well it wont have been for nothing.
I would second what Caroline has said about seeking out a counsellor. That is someone who is a professional who is there to listen to you and help guide you through your issues.
If you have not been completely honest with your friend and family member they do not know that you think you have depression nor that you have thought about suicide. They probably only see someone who, to them at least, has little to feel down about. I'm not saying this is the case by this may be what they think. It is difficult for some others to understand depression and be supportive. They also will have their own issues and problems and perhaps feel unable or don't know how to offer you the support you need to help get well. I myself use my counsellor for my inner most thoughts and to help guide me in how I am feeling. It is the only person I would trust to know how to help me professionally. I'm sorry you are feeling this way, please seek out a counsellor,
No worries. Did you enjoy the comedy controller this morning on radio 4 extra? I thought it was a good selection. I do like Down The Line and David Sederas.
Sorry to say I don't use my radio4extra neat, I just dip in and out and listen to old programmes, sounds like I missed a good one!
I'll have to look it up and Down the Line which I haven't checked out yet. I looove 'The News Quiz' but they only do a handful and then its over and of course 'Im sorry I havent a clue'....You'll be having your teaaa Hamish
How did we all live before Radio4Extra and Youtube?!
I'm not sure what I think about this to be honest. I find it hugely difficult to open up to friends and family about how I feel about things. I have a best friend, who I've known for over thirty years, but I don't ever talk to her about real 'stuff'. She has this really annoying sympathetic look that makes me want to hit her. Other friends I try to talk to, their way of helping is to tell me that their situation is so much worse.
It's an automatic, but unhelpful, thought that people are closing the door because they don't care. Maybe they're distancing themselves from you for fear of saying the wrong thing and making your situation worse.
I think that cognitive behaviour therapy would help you.
Me good advice...hoorah! Caroline bounds over to Hannah with a can of premium, luxury, quality, top of the range cat food and a bunch of flowers Thanks. I am such a suck up NO I AM NOT a Suck up, I just do this for people I like (and their cats
Thanks everyone for the really good advice, it seems unanimous that I'm expecting too much...I think I needed to hear that...of course no-one would know the right thing to say in response to my frustrating problems so it's unfair to expect them to know what to say or do. I'll have to keep reminding myself of that. So it seems what works for you guys is not putting that pressure on loved ones, but being completely honest and transparent with a private counsellor and basically telling the counsellor everything. I've had counselling before but to be honest I didn't feel it helped any, but I realise I didn't open up fully. My doctor was going to refer me to one but I declined and instead accepted an online virtual computer counselling programme which I'm realising isn't very helpful...I'll maybe try the counsellor again if I get the opportunity. So thanks for all the advice guys.
Hi Mindblank glad to be of help. Let us know how things go for you
Hannah x
Hi I think you would be better off to open up fully with the friend and family member (not necessarily about the suicide though) and explain that depression is the problem and makes life events difficult to deal with per se rather than going about it in a piecemeal fashion.
I went through group conselling for a couple of years and there was a guy there who only ever talked about problems with his job, housing conditions and lack of friends etc. He was looking for answers for these without looking at the depression and low self worth which was at the root of his problems. We all got fed up with him droning on about the same old things. So on that basis I agree with the others that counselling is your best option to give you more insight and help to get to the bottom of your problems. By looking at the issues you have and dealing with what you can then general life should become somewhat easier for you to deal with. x
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
I don't know what to do 
Isolated from family, friends, society and anyone I had known
I just don't know where to turn.
How can friends & family support? 
I Don't Know Anymore
