That's the best word I can think of to describe things at the moment. My poor Mum is in so much pain. I would actually do anything to take a little bit of it away just now. It's pointless pointing the finger of blame now - if she'd only stopped drinking, if we hadn't burdened her with our problems, if this and that hadn't happened. The facts remain. She's in tremendous pain, she's depressed and she's scared of what she knows is the eventual inevitable. I watch her frail little body deteriorate by day and I long for a different ending.

32 Replies

  • I am so sorry to hear that you feel so low. Seeing your mum like that sounds dreadful. The 'what if' scenario is very common for us all when a loved one is ill, but I found only increases the distress. From experience I've learnt that what is done is done and no one can change the past. May I suggest that you contact someone that can help your mum with the pain? I hope things go as well as they can do for you.

  • She has pain management from the GP and the district nurses. As much as she can have and still stay at home x

  • Oh Lucy your post is so sad. Lots of hugs xxx

  • Diolch x

  • Diolch x

  • Lucy, my thoughts are with you. I know how terrible it is to see the one's you love in pain even where there are also mixed emotions involved so will just send you my warmest wishes at this time and hope we can be of support to you.

    Gemma X

  • Thanks Gemma! appreciate that x

  • keep strong for her lucy .

  • Thanks Pete x

  • Oh Lucy, my heart goes out to you.

    It's dreadful to watch those we love deteriorating in front of our eyes but please know you have done your best to help and support her. There are always "what ifs" love, but they're not yours, you have done the very best that you could have done with the situation and you're still there now offering your love, care and support.

    Keep posting love, so that we are able to support you.

    Love and Hugs,

  • Thanks Lizard, I guess everyone's life is full of what-ifs x

  • Hey!

    I'm sorry for you feeling so bad, and sorry for your mom..

    Just try to be with her much as you can.. Try to talk with her about that? Do things with her..?

    I'm saying that but I don't know your situation with her so yes...

    I hope everything will be fixed soon!

    I send you thousand kisses !

    -another little girl xx

    Ps: remember, you are NOT alone ! ❤️ You are beautiful and loved!

  • Thanks x

  • Hi Lucy,

    I just wanted to show my support. I'm not really sure what else I can add apart from I'm sorry for all your pain and suffering. I'm wishing the best to you and your family.

    Gentle hugs,

    Fay xxxx

  • Thank you x

  • don't know the words to say, but i think lizard has said it best. hope you seek out anyone you can to lend you both some strength. xxx

  • Thank you x

  • Hi Lucy

    I have just logged on now as I had a really hectic day. Lucy my heart goes out to

    You and I know how sad and devastated you are feeling .

    When our Parents age and get ill because it's the ageing thing, it's easier to

    Cope with, we realise it's natural for a 80 something or 90 years old , to be ill and maybe

    Hospitalised. We are sad but we know the have had a good innings.

    Lucy what you are going through with your Mum is different and heartbreakingly

    Painful, I watched my late partner deteoirate . I felt powerless and worn out, but

    I never stopped loving him. I had many a dark night of the soul and many " if only "

    Or " why" and I had some regrets, but the one thing that helped me was knowing

    I was there for him and I didn't judge him. Lucy it made it a bit easier.

    Nothing can take away the pain of watching someone neglect themselves and

    To watch them on a downward spiral. Lucy your Mum I'm sure feels loved by

    All of you, and that will be a great comfort for her.

    It's hard feeling powerless, but what can you do but love her and accept her as

    She is right now. Also tell her this.

    Lucy you have your children and must take time for yourself and yours, otherwise

    You will fall to pieces.

    I'm here for you as is everyone else, so please know our help is near.

    Hugs and healing to you

    Hannah xx

  • Thank you Hannah, you're right in everything you say. I feel so odd tonight. X

  • Lucy... My heart goes out to you. Indeed nobody knows, what caused what. It doesn't matter in the end.. What matters is that you are there for your mum, though it is tough, you are there. Stay strong, keep writing, and try also to get some well deserved rest. I'm with insomnia but just took a pill I hope will help. My parents are suffering too, they are in a different country and my Dad called earlier, crying. It's hard, I know. But you must not blame yourself. Lots of love.

  • That must have been so hard to listen to. My Dad is very sad at the moment too, and I find that especially tough, as he is traditionally the 'head' of our family x

  • Oh Lucy I can't say anything to make this any better. I wish I could. Hannah is so right in what she has said. And you have tried for a different ending by previously involving the GP which

    has put you at odds with your family. That shows real strength and true love.

    I don't pray but I've just said one for you and your mum.

    Sarah xx

  • Thank you so much. GP is involved now, finally. But too little too late it seems x

  • Oh Sarah that's a lovely Post. I'm not madly religious if anything I'm

    More of a Buddhist now, I try to Do no harm to others. A big thing

    Too is being really compassionate with ourselves .

    Now I'm not going around Dressed in Saffron robes and sitting

    Down , Chanting. Om ! But I will say a little prayer for you too,

    As your a really nice person


    Hannah x

  • Hi Lucy,

    Thinking of you.

    Hope you are ok.

    Dont know what to say without it sounding like a cliche.

    Love David x

  • Thanks David, I appreciate that. How are things with you? X

  • Lucy sorry for your mental anguish.

    There is very little physical support people can give you on this site. Many of us over the years know the type of pain you are suffering and the doubts and regrets we all feel when people we know and love suffer this type of suffering.

    All I can suggest here is to understand that you are now where you are and regrets and what ifs are now been overtaken by the suffering you are seeing and that of what you are understanding the situation you have entered.

    Try and be strong, you need to be strong not only for your Mother, also yourself. All life is a great learning and understanding . You need to be strong and family will appreciate the way you are dealing with this problem.

    Looking at the replies you are getting here you can understand the amount of support that these people are giving you.

    Keep a hold, be strong


  • Very wise words, thanks Bob xx

  • Hi Lucy, my heart goes out to you, its so difficult to what someone close suffer, however helpless it may seem, you being you and being there is comforting for you mum even in all her pain.

    take care, lots of hugs xx

  • Hi Lucy

    I've just seen your post and am sorry your mum has deteriorated so much. I know you've had a hard time with feeling concern about her for so long, it must be difficult to know there's nothing you can do now. I hope your mum is able to accept whatever pain relief the medics are able to provide and that your Dad gets the support he needs too.

    I guess your children will feel it too, for you as well as for your mum. You take care of them, be honest with them about how you are feeling and share it with them as that will allow them to have their own feelings too.

    I will be thinking of you, hugs from me too.


  • Interesting you mention about the kids. I find it almost impossible to talk to them about her. Thanks Sue x

  • Oh No, I hope I haven't made you feel bad by having mentioned the children - but do try and talk with them about what's happening because they will be feeling it. Suexx

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