How do you over come a death, or even begin to mourn?

As in my post explains a bit more... But struggling so much.

[Hidden]

I think people mourn in different ways. Some people will be able to cry, light candles and be able to talk a lot about their loved one whilst others will not be able to register for a long time that their loved one is gone.

I think you should allow yourself to grieve for as long as you need. It sounds like you haven't been allowed or haven't allowed yourself to grieve in the way that you need. There is no right or wrong way to do it. You will always carry the memories of your Mum, and the good times that you have shared together. You may feel alone right now but your Mum has not truly left you. When you reminisce about her, you are keeping your Mum alive through your memories. Just don't bottle it up.

Be kind to yourself.

Best wishes,

Kat

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for the message, I don't even know how to grieve really

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Is that your dog? Sweet!=D

Since I'm going through the grieving process, I know that there are days when you'll be feeling relatively OK then you can break down for no reason by just looking at a photo. As I said, there's no right or wrong way. No text book way of grieving or how to grieve in the "proper way". If you see your doctor on Monday, wasn't it? You should talk about dealing with grief. Hopefully s/he can provide you with the support that is needed. =)

[Gambit62]

Mourning is a process that allows you to move from thinking of someone as dead to remembering them/thinking of their lives.

Things that might help:

Talk to people that knew your mother and ask them what she was like. Ask if they have momentos that you could use to make a scrap book of her life.

Find out as much as you can about what your mother was like when she was alive.

Then set some time aside to remember what you have learnt.

You might find it useful to visit your mother's grave and talk to her there - okay so only a voice in your head but ...

[Hidden]

In order to grieve you have to remember the person more and in ways that trigger your sadness and distress - naturally we avoid doing that as it is painful, but it is only by going into the pain that we can come out the other side and leave it behind. You may find cuddling something that reminds you of the person, or listening to their favourite music or similar helps, or you may find writing all you can remember and miss about the person helps too, especially if you do that when alone and already feeling low. It sounds contradictory to what is good for you but in fact will help you to grieve rather than wish you could which is itself a way of mourning whilst avoiding the pain of the loss. x

[FallenAngel]

My mum died 2 years ago and I am still mourning her , I cry and miss her everyday. People say it gets easier , for me it hasn't .. I lost my best friend , the person who understood me most in the world , the pain is real when you lose someone , I wish you well x

[wallflower_fairy in reply to FallenAngel]

Hi FallenAngel and Michelle,

I'm so sorry for both of your losses. The truth is, you can never stop missing the person, it's about learning to live with the loss and learning to be happy again. Once you've gone through the process, it's, as Gambit says, being able to remember them and smiling, and be grateful for having them in your lives.

FallenAngel I'm slightly worried about the loss of your mother still affecting you so profoundly - I'm wondering if you're 'stuck' in the grieving process. I know you say you have depression quite badly, and the loss of your mother must have made it considerably worse. I think you should speak to your GP about this and ask for some extra help, they can offer you specifically bereavement counselling to help to you come to terms with what has happened.

Michelle you could consider asking about this too.

You could both also try looking up the Stages of Bereavement to help enhanced your understanding. When I lost 2 grandparents (not a married couple like everyone thought they were - from each side of the family: mum's father and dad's mother), someone sent me to link to this site which specialises in supporting those who have suffered from all kinds of bereavement. It might help - as it helped me to understand what happened. cruse.org.uk/

Wishing you both peace,

Gentle hugs,

wanderingwallflower xx

[FallenAngel in reply to wallflower_fairy]

thank you so much Fay .. I wont ever get over my Mum died so awefully I know this ... I miss her every single day xx

[Hidden in reply to FallenAngel]

You know, 2 years isn't so long for grief especially when there was a second loss, but it sounds as though you are stuck if you are crying every day. Your GP could refer you to see a CBT therapist who may be able to help you to get some control over the feelings and your response to them, your GP could refer you. x

[FallenAngel in reply to Hidden]

I have spoken to people before , didn't help ..My Mum died an awful death with dementia so its hard to forget how she was .. She understood me and was such a huge part of my life , with out her there is such a massive hole .. I don't get on well with my dad and my sister and I have not spoken since mum died .. thanks xx

[justbreath in reply to FallenAngel]

It will lesern, but you will aalways have that part of your sole missing. 2 years is not long to grieve, and you may grieve my dear

[Photogeek]

Hi Angel , I can see that you really miss your Mother. My Mother died 9 yrs. ago and it seems like it was yesterday. I still miss her a lot as we had a great relationship, but she was in her late 80's, so it was fairly natural for her to die. In ways I know her memory and spirit are still here for me.

My partner died 5 yrs ago and I was devastated, I thought I would never get over it.

You just learn to live with it Angel, I agree with Sue that 2 yrs is not that long

Ago.

I still miss Jim and was so sad.

This is what helped me, listening to Sad Music Classical or even Pop and it

Helped me to have a good cry.

I also wrote about him, all the things I liked about him, and what I missed most,

Maybe plant a nice tree in memory of your Mum, talking about my sadness with

Certain people helped me a lot. I know he would not want me to be sad.

The pain lessons over time but the sense of loss is always there, death is part

Of life and we have to accept it. If you have a religious belief it could help you

To feel that you will be reunited and happy together in next life.

I think Sue is right, crying every day is not good and need to get help.

Angel I know none of this May help but I do feel for you and your loss.

Hugs

Hannah x