Do I even have a mental disosrder?

[madison19]

As long as I can remmber ive been struggling with all sorts of mentall problems that I shouldn't have as I was so young. No one looked at what I was doing as a symptom but as a kids thing.. my parents didnt realise what what going so i didnt say I was so afraid to talk. It started when I was 6 it keeps going and coming back its gets me to a lower point each time its like a numb wave... now before I go any further with this I have to say the reason I was molested throughout 5 years from age 6-11 No one to this day knows because i feel like it's been so long why should I even cause any drama about it im 16 now I just wanted to write this to clear my mind for a whille as I dont have any one to talk to about this when im triggered and have a mental breakdown. Not a mental break down like that its more like iam empty and sleeping is just worthless and waking up is like iam upside down. I m more than sure I have ptsd from my childhood trauma as well bpd I can play anything off but once iam alone everything is upside again and the circle repeats its self over and over again .

MY only question is how does happen that no one can realise that a child is hurting? Am I even really I'll? I need an answer please

[Hidden]

Do u ever have night mares or triggers about the events from the abuse?

[madison19 in reply to Hidden]

Yes sometimes but I wake up from nightmares and un able to fall back asleep usually when I wake up from them I have this loud banging noise in my head for a whille i dont know why

[Hidden in reply to madison19]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this I have anxiety disorder and insomnia. I used to have suicidal thoughts all the time before I started treatment. Sounds like ptsd but could be anxiety. Do u hear voices?

[madison19 in reply to Hidden]

The thing is that I sometimes I do have people saying things but I think it's more of my instincts talking but when they get really loud I get really angry and breakdown. But as I said I really do think it's just me talking to myself but there are multiple voices. Also iam so sorry you suffer from anxiety I really am and i know how bad it is 😞

[marigold22]

It seems to me that you are suffering from PTSD. I was raped at age 12, didn't tell anyone at all til I had counselling aged 45. You must remember that what happened to you was NOT your fault, it was the fault of the abuser. You were the child, he/she was the adult. You must not blame yourself. I'm on a low dose (50mg a day) of Sertraline which works for me. PTSD could bring on a physical illness through trauma and stress. It has now been proved that the war veterans who have PTSD have phsyical illnesses which can be treated. That's as long as they can find a doctor who is open minded enough to know the full facts of PTSD.

Yes you are really ill, it's not in your mind. As to your question - how can parents not know or realise what is going on. Some parents are too busy with other stuff going on in their lives, and unless a child cuts his/her head open in an accident, they presume everything is ok. I honestly believe that the vast majority of parents want the very best for their kids but fail to check on emotional stability of their children. Good luck x

[madison19 in reply to marigold22]

Thank you so much and im so sorry to hear that it took so long for you to get help! Honestly breaks my heart x yess thats so true I just hope in the future nothing like this happen to my children. It's so awfull. the worse part for me is that majority of my childhood memories are blank and the only ones I remmber is of the incidents .. I lost so much from my childhood I just need to look forward and keep going but as I said things are not so well right now. X

[Denhans]

Trigger! Hi Madison, I held my secret from the age of 11 til the age of 55. I’m unsure of the age it started, probably 6 or 7. My own brother . The thing is I’m suffering now. There were no counsellors or anything back then. I took drugs to ease the pain. I tried to get help in 1992, when I had my daughter, but that made me worse as the counsellor there said I didn’t have the right to ruin his wife’s life!! I fell in and out of depression for another 25 years. Once my menopause started, I completely lost the plot. I know everyone’s different, but there’s a good chance your mental health will get worse by holding it in. Yes this a great place for help and support , and no matter what, someone is always here for you. But professional help from a sexual violence counsellor ( that’s her title) will help and guide you all the way. I attend SERRIC ( south east rape and incest centre) It’s been a life saver for me. I googled rape and every kind of help comes up. Think about it. You can’t do it by yourself hun. Sending you hugs, and empathy 💕💕 Always here for you. Mandy 🌸🌸