I am unsure whether I am experiencing Depression?, please help me thanks and much appreciated.

[lovedeathmetal96]

I am a 17 year old female and not sure if I am experiencing Depression or just grief. First I tell you a bit about me, I am tomboy I am a hardworking student and always determined to get the best possible grades I can achieve but this year I have completely messed up. I also love death metal music (clue in the username ) I have very low self-esteem. Anyways I haven't been looking forward to anything and rarely actually been happy inside for almost 2 months. I fake smile and act happy but I feel awful, a failure and hopeless within me. I have already planned how I am going to commit suicide and everything but it varies on what happens on that particular day. I have also been feeling very angry, upset and irritable. I started smoking last week because I have been feeling worried and stressed sometimes for no reason already smoking 3 a day. A month before this I started self-harming my arms and have massive scars, but then went to my legs and stopped on my arms, also started to get addicted to cutting and smoking. I feel really anxious everyday at some time in the day including the night. I also intake a lot of energy drinks and coca cola everyday it has been 4 years and cannot stop drinking them, I am literally hooked on caffeine. I am slowly starting to give up on my life I am full of negative energy I always feel major fatigued, tired, fustrated, short-fused temper, frown a lot that now I have loads of lines on my forehead and it is disgusting. I literally hate my own body and wish I was a guy at times. I also feel like I am failing in life, I don't interact as much as I used to with my friends and pursuing reckless behaviour, I have no hobbies at all I used to. All I do is study and listen to music, if not studying listening to music which is mainly about death, killing, blood etc.Sometimes I feel like ripping my heart out because it aches so bad that it needs to be ripped out also there are times of the day where I am completely emotionless feeling nothing at all, why is this? Thanks for taking the time to read this, I am much appreciated :). And should I go and see a Doctor? what will they ask me? and what tests will they run? thanks

[Stilltrying_]

Hello there and welcome; thanks for your post. I can't really answer your question as to whether you are suffering from depression or "just" grief, but

It sounds like you are feeling mixed up about a lot of things and could do with some help with it maybe. You say you already know you have low self esteem. What do you think is causing this?

I was sad to read that you have thought of suicide at so young an age and I would say you are obviously distressed and could do with talking to a

counsellor about all the things which are worrying you .

Exam stress can cause a lot of problems; also is there possibly an issue with your sexuality being a tomboy and saying sometimes you wish you were a guy? (there may not be at all but it is just something I picked up on and considered could be one possibility for some of it) You say you don't know whether you are suffering from grief; did something happen recently; did you lose someone close either through death or lose a relationship?

Really I think it is best you talk all this out with a young people's counsellor. Is there anyone involved with your college you can contact? Also the other day someone posted up a good website you may want to look at; it is about young people talking about their experiences with mental health problems. It's

healthtalkonline.org/young-...

It may also be worth consulting a doctor if you think this is appropriate.

Gemmalouise x

[suziebee66]

I have been suffering from depression for most of my life and you certainly seem to have the symptoms, Although I must tell you that depression is different for everyone, but there are certain symptoms. You need to talk to someone in person, don't be affraid there isn't the stigma about depression there used to be, it is more acceptable these days. If you have a councellor at school or college start there, it is better that they know there is something going on and they can help you with your studies and your teachers. It will be confidential so don't worry about others knowing. But if this does persist then see your doctor and talk to him/her. Take a list of things you feel and that are worrying you about your feelings, your symptoms everything. I know from experience that I always forget most of what I want to ask before i get there and they need to know as much as you can tell them. Tell them how you feel and give them the list. They will ask you questions but be honest about self harming and the fact that feel like you want to kill yourself they're not going to lock you up for feeling like that, but if they decided you need medication for a while it will help them decide what kind. If meds are what is suggested remember they are not a quick fix, it takes between 3-6 wks for meds to be beneficial. See if there are any groups around it does help to talk and knowing your not alone in how you feel is good to it makes you feel less isolated and worthless. Take care lovesdeathmetal don't give up. Talk to people let them know how you feel, talk to your family too if you can. They probably already know. Tell them you need help, you need family and friends around you a support group. I wish I could be more help, don't become too isolated from your friends or you may end up like me stuck in the house with no one around. The sooner you ask for help the sooner you can start to get better. Everyday is a battle for me, if you leave it too long it becomes a habit and habits are hard to break.

Good luck babes Su.