I feel like I am dying

[FallenAngel]

I am so down , I am having tests for a pituitary tumour and I feel I cnt cope , my depression is at an all time low ... I am so lonely all I do is cry ,, I feel I am just waiting to die and its horrible to o thru it alone ..

[jillylin]

Very gentle hugs Angel. You are under great stress at the moment and health issues do tend to have a bad effect on our depression. I know you must be so worried and I know it is easy for me to say and oh so hard to do, but try and take things just ten minutes at a time. Just get through the next tens minutes. Then tackle the next ten minutes. Nightime also increases our fears and sense of isolation but remember you can do this. I know you only know us all virtually but you are not totally alone.

Very gentle hugs

Jillyxx

[FallenAngel]

thank you , I am so alone and afraid xx

[jillylin in reply to FallenAngel]

Hello Angel,

I hope with the daylight you are feeling a little stronger. I can see from the replies you have had that we all care about you so, even though you can't see us, remember we are here for you, just a post away. Remember, just take it a few minutes at a time.

Very gentle hugs

Jillyxx

[Maggiet]

I can only imagine how you feel but the pain is coming through in your words. Jilly is so right in her message to you. And please remember if it all gets too much in the wee small hours then the Samaritans are there for you with a listening ear. You are not alone in this world, many people empathise with your pain and sadness. Be kind to yourself. Soft Scottish hug on its way to you. Maggie. xx

[FallenAngel]

ty , I am just so sick of being alone xx

[WantToChange]

I am so sorry to hear this. My own problems seem so small compared to this. A pituitary tumour can cause depression and this may be what causes it for you rather than a natural hormonal imbalance. I'm not a doctor so I don't know for sure but it popped into my head. I know that doesn't help your situation though.

I can't even imagine how alone you feel. But please remember that you are not alone. Everyone here wishes the best for you. And I'm sure your family/friends do too.

Much love to you xx

[FallenAngel]

I don't have family or friends really ... I live alone and I hate it so much xx

[WantToChange in reply to FallenAngel]

I wouldn't like to live a lone either, left to my own destructive thoughts.. Maybe you could seek a flat mate? x

[FallenAngel in reply to WantToChange]

its not easy when your depressed to get someone to live with you xx

[WantToChange in reply to FallenAngel]

I know. My family find it hard because my mood changes and they never know what to expect. Sometimes it seems like I'm being disrespectful by ignoring them. And sometimes that is the case if they have upset me but other times I truly need to be left alone because I feel fragile. It's happening a lot now so there is a lot of tension in my house right now. So much so that I have come to stay with my gran for a few days because I can't take it. Everything is a mess.

Maybe don't tell a new flat mate that you have depression?

[FallenAngel in reply to WantToChange]

You can not hide depression , I am miserable all the time and cry a lot ... my sister doesn't bother with me since our mum died 18 months ago , Having depression makes its so hard to hold on to friendships x

[Stilltrying_ in reply to FallenAngel]

This is true FallenAngel and must be particularly difficult when you don't like being on your own, as its a catch 22. It is hard to get "up" to the level other people need you to be at and yet at the same time you feel desperately lonely because all you want is "care",and that is unforthcoming as that only comes about through very fortunate circumstances. It is like we are ill and need the comfort of being looked after but there is never anyone to look after us so we have to carry on the best we can and end up being alone so as not to upset other people.

[Hayley43 in reply to FallenAngel]

I really understand how you feel I have clinical depression again after 16 years of managing to keep it together and it's frightening x I am here if you need a friend as no one should be on their own xx

[FallenAngel in reply to Hayley43]

ty xx

[Cici971972 in reply to FallenAngel]

[Cici971972 in reply to Cici971972]

<3

[Gambit62]

Thinking of you as others in the community are - and just want to say that.

[FallenAngel in reply to Gambit62]

ty xxx

[FallenAngel]

ty xx

[Hidden]

Hi fallenangel your not alone we are always here we are your friends please always remember that it's so sad to read your message. Lots and lots of hugs xxx

[FallenAngel in reply to Hidden]

ty xxx

[Stilltrying_]

Hi FallenAngel, weekends can be tough when you live on your own and I know you've posted previously about really struggling with this ; so just to say there are people here you can talk to and hopefully that will calm you a little. I'm sure you know this but pituitary tumours are nearly always benign and apparently up to 20% of the population has them. This is not to say that you are being silly worrying or anything like that; I know I had a mammogram (breast scan) and it came back abnormal; they called me back straightaway, and despite me knowing that the chances of it being cancer were not huge I was still extremely worried and started thinking about my life ending. As it was it turned out to be just a cyst they had spotted. It is always a worry when these things happen, and when you are generally low and isolated it can set off a sort of panic. Probably the thought of having to deal with things like this by yourself makes you worse. I remember wishing I had someone to come to the hospital with me. Although you are living alone FallenAngel and it can feel very lonely at times I know hopefully having this connection with people on here will help ease things just a little. Keep writing if you need to. Gemmalouise x

[FallenAngel in reply to Stilltrying_]

ty xxx

[Photogeek in reply to FallenAngel]

Thinking of you .

[Suzie40]

xx

[jules2105]

Hi fallenAngel

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time, just wanted to let you know we are all here to listen

Jules x

[Hidden]

You are not alone FallenAngel, we are all with you holding your hands. You are strong, you will cope and we will be beside you all the way. Hang on in there. Lots and lots of hugs. xx

[ThemysciraDrive]

Hey Angel,

Living on your own with depression is really hard - you're welcome to message me if you ever want someone to talk to. You will get through the other side, even though you don't feel like it now.

{{{{hugs}}}}

[Hidden]

Don't worry, we are all thinking about you.

Take care.

Bounty

[FallenAngel in reply to Hidden]

ty xxx

[duncan1971]

Sorry to hear you are unwell and hope you find the courage and strength to get through this difficult time

[FallenAngel in reply to duncan1971]

tyxx

[Cici971972]

I send you all my love. All my prayers goes to you so you get better.

[FallenAngel in reply to Cici971972]

ty xx

[Hidden]

Hi

I am sorry you are having to deal with something as worrying, it is hardly surprising you are feeling low.

Do you have any source of support, anyone who can go with you to the tests or with whom you can share how you are feeling while you wait? The results may be positive. If they are not you will need some support.

It sounds from later posts as if you are lonely and that will be making it even harder to cope with the worrying situation. I don't know why you feel you do not have any friends, is it that you actually don't have any or that you feel you cannot share with them how you are feeling because you fear being a burden or that they would not understand. If you really do not have any friends then that is hard because we all need friends. I feel for you.

We will all support you as best we can while you wait for the results of the tests, and if they are positive as I hope they will be then perhaps we can help you to find ways to make some friends locally to you.

Take care,

Suex

[keepingstep]

I suffer from chronic depression as well, and I am under a doctor's care, take maintenance medication and attend therapy sessions every other week. These things have helped me tremendously, but this winter was a tough one. My Seasonal Affective Disorder worsens my depression, and I really have to push myself some days. I really encourage you to seek out medical help so that if you need meds you can get them, and to consider counseling for your illness, whatever is the cause. Having an objective, caring person listen to you and offer encouraging feedback is invaluable. We may live alone, but we don't have to be lonely. You reached out via this website, and I applaud you for doing so. We were not meant to go through everything alone. We can reach out to others and to God. He is always there and really wants to hear from you. Just pour out your heart to Him everyday. I will pray for you to heal soon and to bring hope and light back into your life. Just remember, you are loved, always. With Love, Mary