Feel like ----

[Ben_caldwell24]

I have money and gambling problems. I'm only 17. I feel like ---- everyday. Yet I keep it from anyone. I feel weak if I talk about it. My confidence and self esteem is low because when I was younger my life was ---- and still is. I always have suicide thoughts. Like earlier on today I nearly jumped infront of a car. My mum told me to jump infront of a train because she thinks I won't live till I'm 19. I get angry so quickly. And I don't like it. The only way I stop all this is if I smoke weed. I'm from the UK. So this is illegal. But ---- it life's too short so why not. I hate myself for all the things I've done. I have no money. As I said at the start I gamble and just spend £200 on weed a week. Then my depression kicks in and I feel like ----. I can't talk to anyone about it. And I just need advice. No one helps. Even my mates says I can't stay there's. I'm pretty much homeless aswell. Which makes everything better.

[Hidden]

Hi Ben nice to meet you. I am sure you will soon get some responses from the lovely caring people in the forum. Whilst you are waiting please can you familiarise yourself with the rules of the community in the Pinned Posts.

Please also note swear words are not permitted on here so please can you edit them out of your post. To do this click on the little downwards arrow and follow the instructions. Thank you. Lil x

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi Ben,

It must be so hard for you keeping everything to yourself, about your depression, money and gambling problems. You are very young to be going through so much, and I really do empathise with you. I wonder now that you have started to share your story on this forum, would you start opening up to your Mum for support.? She must worry about seeing you so down and low in mood and sometimes just opening up, is the first part of the journey to seeking help , including Professional Medical Help. I wonder would you make an appointment to see your GP and talk things through, perhaps some therapy/ and or/ medication may help you to cope better with your issues, and then in turn you might be able to address your gambling addiction.

If you need to speak with someone, then the Samaritans are open 24 hours a day every day and provide a very good anonymous listening ear, their contact details are .......

Freephone ............116 123

email [e-mail]

or visit them at your local branch,.........

samaritans.org

NHS Choices Live Well.........

nhs.uk>addiction>pages>gambl

Telephone......................0808 8020 133 ( provides face to face counselling)

Another source for you to access help and support is as follows.......

beyondblue.org.au

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi Ben, This is a follow on from the message a few moments ago .Other sources of support may be.....

problemgambling.sa.gov.au (provides helpful information on depression, anxiety and mental health disorders)

youthbeyondblue.com (website for young people, and contains some good information)

Lifeline.......131114

gamblingtreatment helpline.com (also has live chat)

Skeet-Line.......A vital mental health guidance and support line free for young people, powered by The Shaw Mind Foundation (registered mental health charity UK0

moneyadviceservice.org.uk

Also take a look at the Pinned Posts to the right side of your screen, where under the heading Crisis Support Helplines you will find helpful information and support details. You can ring NHS 111 for advice and support 24 hours a day every day.

I hope some of these may be helpful to you, but please do seek medical advice and support and try and talk to your friends and family. Thanks Lil for replying to Ben and guiding him to the forums and Health Unlocked Guidelines. Keep Posting Ben and perhaps our very helpful members may be able to offer Ben some further advice and support, very best wishes and good luck to you

[marigold22]

I am the mother of a 36 year old fella who in my view had a difficult childhood. As a mother I didn't set out for that to happen but his dad and I got divorced and I was left with very little money. Not many mothers set out to give their kids a bad and difficult childhood. We feel very guilty if that happens. I feel guilty for what my son went through. Moving house a lot, he went to many different schools, he had to travel 100 miles when his father did decide to see him. I'm sure your mother does feel guilty about your difficult childhood. My son used to smoke weed and didn't even start to get himself sorted until he was 19 when he went to college to study to be an electrician. Between the ages of 16 and 19 he would get factory jobs that he managed to last for a few days, maybe one week. He couldn't get out of bed in the mornings, I used to shout at him, once I even tipped his own urine in a cola bottle over him! At the end of the day, everything unfortunately revolves around money. To have anything like a decent life, we need to earn money. However you do need to see a doctor and be honest with them.

[marigold22]

It's me again, I have been thinking about you. My son's name is Ben. I presume you don't have a police record, I presume you don't have a disability. You may have some kind of mental illness but if you do, that's not your fault - it is normally genetic. You are only 17 years old; and it's a very difficult and confusing time. I remember being confused at 17. Could you find a buddy to go running together? Could you find a youth centre? Think what interests you & go to the library and see if you can get voluntary work. You need to get out and about, talk to people of all types. You mum must be worried about you, particularly as you haven't told her what's on your mind. When my son kept getting factory jobs, it was the older guys who kept telling him "you don't want to be doing this at my age mate". It was them and not me, who convinced him to better himself. Good luck. Private message me if you want to.

[Sweenz]

hi Ben, I'm sorry you're going through so much at the moment, but I hope you can reach out for some help as suggested in the replies here. I used to suffer with severe depression and self medicated with weed for years, but of course while you might feel better for a bit it ultimately makes things worse. The anger issues it creates are unbelievable, too, I've seen so many people on the weed develop such rage. I ended up with cannabis induced psychosis, and then didn't accept a diagnosis of bpd from psychiatrist, just carried on in living hell. I lost years and broke down, before returning to same psychiatrist, who confirmed his original diagnosis. I realised I felt worse because of what I was doing, though it took me well into my twenties to make real changes, learning to do less of what worsened things and more of what made me feel better.

I did gardening for work as it's therapeutic and could be own boss, them volunteered a couple hrs a week at a special school running their gardening club. I highly recommend volunteering, it gives such a sense of worth, & without the pressure of a paid job, as it's totally on your terms, you're giving your time, even just a couple hrs weekly, so you don't feel you need to be the best standard and compared to others. From there i trained to do learning support as i loved working with the kids, and built from there. It could be the start of something great, little steps at first.

I def agree you need to talk to someone professional, even just Samaritans at first if it's too hard. I guess i just wanted to let you know it can get easier, and won't always be like this - just keep fighting to put one foot in front of the other. And stay away from negativity, whether that be people or things that are bad for you, as much as you can. Try and reduce your use of weed little by little if you can.

everyone deserves happiness, i firmly believe that; don't give up.

good luck x sorry for long post!