advice please

[MCHAMMER82]

hi everyone

hope you are all okay-ish?

i have been a member here for a while now but i dont post all that often.

Over the last few months i have been having a really bad time of it with depression. the company i work for has merged with another and i am finding it so difficult to feel part of any team and that i am actually wanted.

the boss i have has said that i am part of her team but to be honest she couldnt care less. there are procedures which staff members need to follow in the course of the year and to be honest that is the only time i have ever felt that i am part of something. i just feel so invisible and dread getting up out of bed in the morning. the boss also said that i have been invited to things and i want to go but how can i be in others people company when i dont even feel like they care.

i have seen my doctor and to be honest i feel it was a waste of time. they wont change my medication as they dont feel it will change anything. The doctor also wants me to keep going to work but i am finding it harder and harder every day. Doctor also suggested that i change my routine and not just work and watch tv at home. i want to do other things but i am scared of going anywhere as i dont want to be excluded or judged.

i just dont feel like i belong or fit in anywhere. honestly feel so bad and dont know how to carry on. i really just want to hide away from everyone and i know that this wont help matters.

i am sorry for the negatives and the excuses. just really want to talk about things.

thank you for taking time to read this.

talk soon

MC

[Golfer15]

Hi MC, I know how you feel. Ive been battling with depression for years. I changed jobs last year, from a well paid office job but was dragging me down and was the main cause for for my depression. I was in that job for 17 years and when the company offered voluntary redundancy I jumped at the chance. I now work in a primary school as a teaching assistant at less then half the salary but better hours and conditions. Im much happier. It sounds like you need to have a change of career. Can be scary but it does help.

[MCHAMMER82 in reply to Golfer15]

Thank you so much for replying to my post i really appreciate it.

I have thought about changing jobs but to be honest i dont have any idea what i want to do. i just dont feel as though i can do anything right or that i am appreciated for the things that i can do. i just want a new challenge and a change of scene.

[Gambit62]

One of the really bizarre things about depression is that the link between motivation and action gets turned round so sometimes you really do have to do things before you feel like doing them.

It sounds as if your self-esteem is at a low ebb - it might be worth looking at some materials and trying to build that up a bit so that you aren't so scared of being somewhere and just finding yourself feeling unappreciated.

One thing you could try - just to get used to being around people - is joining a society or club that has lectures - then you can be with people without having to do a lot of interaction - and they are usually looking for people to help with various activities including making teas ... just a thought.

On the job front Golfer is right. Change can be really hard but it can also be quite invigorating ... says she feeling that there's no point looking for another job because the next one is going to have all the same political tensions ... so do as I say not as I do