Once again I find myself stuck

I'm at home for Christmas at the moment. I've not been taking my meds since last Friday. I'm ill physically, which has helped with the self harm as ive managed to be content with wallowing in illness. I have tickets to go back home on Saturday, i need to leave, even just for 24 hours before I come back again for new year. But my family dont understand. And ive argued everything to try and get back. But I can't give a good enough reason to leave to them, they dont know about my mental health issues at the moment. I told my mum about the rapes. she's told others I didn't want to know. I feel weak, a failure. I dont k ow what to do. And I'll be made to go to the doctors tomorrow for my flu symptoms, and I'll have to explain to the 'family doctors' what's been going on recently, because i have blood in my plem and when I overdosed last time there was some problem with my clotting, which could be relevant. So stuck.

[Gambit62]

Sorry to hear that things at home are so stressful.

On one level you really don't need to give them a reason for going back for 24 hours though it may be that you aren't actually well enough to be travelling. All that has happened recently is bound to have taken a toll on you so you are probably more susceptible to things anyway.

As ever, wish there was a magic wand but there isn't.

You only need to tell the GP as much as you want to tell the GP. You don't have to talk to them about your mental health if you don't want to ... and to be honest they probably won't have the time to talk about it the way the appointment system works at the moment.

You've done really well to cope with as much family as you have done - I managed 1/2 day on Christmas day and 1/2 day visiting friends/friends of the family yesterday and I was totally in need of my own company at the end of it all.

Does retreating to bed get you any peace from everyone?

[gardengnome]

hi lilly. Don't know if you have had an appointment already arranged with the local g.p. The g.p. certainly won't tell family about your condition if you ask them to treat it confidentially. You could tell the family that you feel the need to see your own g.p. about the flu. You might say that there is another condition involved which you simply do not wish to tell the family about that your own g.p. has knowledge of, you don't actually have to tell them what.. Though how your family have not suspected the depression being an issue..... I really don't know, if your mother herself had had depression issues, there is a good chance that she can see it in you,,,, the only doubt she will have may be just how bad it is and whether you have started getting help yet.

You did mention that your mother can not be discreet, so yes you may prefer to limit what you tell her. Ironically in a few months or weeks time you may decide to tell other relatives/friends that you care about before you tell your mother so that they have your own account before getting hers, but that is a while away i guess.

I don't know how worried you are by the flu symptoms, if you end up having to see the family doctor there is no reason for family to go in with you, and chances are in that short ten minute slot he will only have time to concentrate on the immediate physical side and frankly they have seen it all before anyway..

Not sure how far away parents and college are , you have already bought the tickets, It's not an easy one, but if you need a break from family then you need to find a way of saying so without it becoming a row, do they believe that you will actually come back in the new year? familys do tend to want to make the most of the holiday season, it won't be too many more christmases before they expect you to be only there for maybe just a day when you have kids and in-laws to try to juggle.

Good luck in getting unstuck. A

[ThemysciraDrive]

Hey Lilly - how are you doing today?