I have a 10 year old brother that has all the signs of depression. He often says he hates himself and his life. That no one cares about him.

[Rocket18]

My mum simply says it's attention, but it's got to the stage for me that it's now becoming more apparent and worrying. Please any advise, who should he talk to what should I do? Feeling very concerned for him and I don't want this to be shadowing him now and later in life. Thank you

[Gambit62]

It is really difficult with someone so young and I'm not sure how old you are either.

It does sound as if your brother is going through a rough patch - the best I think I can really suggest is to take a look at the childline site - they have on-line counsellors - you might find it useful to try talking to them yourself and see what they say about your brother and where he might go for help and then you could either suggest that your brother tries talking or follow up on some of the suggestions they have made.

It is really difficult with someone so young and yes you are right that it is best to get these things early but the wrong treatment can also make things a lot worse and sometimes problems do just go away of their own accord - whatever your age.

Hope that childline helps

[Hidden]

Hello BOB here

This is quite common in young children, sometimes it is part of growing up and should settle in good time although if He is talking to take his life it really needs to be looked into.

What contexts are He basing these feelings is He been bullied at school, is the family unit not functioning fully, you really need to find out what is going on and see if you can assist Him

How old are you, it is good that you are taking that much concern towards him.

When I was very young my parents seemed to put any problems I had down to looking for attention, although again if something is wrong it needs to be talked about, the less this happens the more your brother will keep saying this, it can become habit forming and hides the problem from everyone. Sadly I would say a family chat may be important and if a conclusion is not reached the GP will need to possibly arrange a child Phsycolagist to see your brother

All the very best, well done, talk again to your mother and have a family meeting regarding this

You could also try Childline although this basically for non functioning families.

BOB

[Hidden]

Hi, You could talk to someone from the local Child and Adolescent Mental Health Team about your concerns - they would listen to what you say and either reassure you or else suggest how they or you might proceed. You can find their number by googling your town name and mental health services for children, then phone and ask to sapeak to the duty worker. Sue

[LizzieM]

Hi - The type of comments he is making about hating himself and his life suggest a feeling of lack of control in his life, of being unable to change the things which are making him feel like this. It could possibly be in his social friendship group, at school or within the family. I am sure you would be aware of family issues but it can be more tricky trying to find out about his friends. It could be bullying - a lot of children are very reluctant to tell an adult about it for fear of making it worse. Does he have a close friend you could ask to approach him? If your brother won't talk to you then give him the number of Childline or even the Samaritans and suggest if he won't let you help then he gets help himself.

Try again to talk to your mum, don't just comment on your thoughts. Ask her to sit down and listen and tell her that you are concerned. Some parents are too scared to even want to think about it. If only they realized it is better to address it as early as possible to avoid it getting worse.

I hope this helps.. Please let us know how you get on.XX

[Rocket18]

Hey, thank you so much for your positive and encouraging words.

First things first, my brother has had a hard time growing up. Pretty long story but cutting it short my mum has 6 children, I'm 24 and have a 27 and 22 year old brothers. Mum left our dad and had my 10 year old brother with a guy who left her before he was born. Then my mum fell into an abusive relationship physically but mainly emotional and had my brother 8 years old and sister who is 7. This guy left 3 years ago, since then my mum has re married !!

This is huge amounts of change and confusion for them all, and has had obvious affect. The 10 year old who we will call TJ to save confusion was also told that he had a different dad to us all.

TJ is a clever, witty, enthusiastic boy with so much love and life in him.

But with a flick of a switch he becomes sad, angry and hates himself. I know children growing up can go through stages for attention and do this, with influences from TV and Internet they learn about things, but I've never personally known of a child hating himself, thinks that when he's done something good and is praised he hates it and says he is crap at everything. He has no self confidence at all, thinks he can't achieve or do anything. He also makes up stories (which I know is very common) especially if he thinks he's done something wrong. He will tell 3-4 different stories to different people which I'm not sure why.

When I have 1 to 1 with him you wouldn't think anything was wrong but once back at home, at school he changes. This isn't all the time mind you.

He is seeing a counsellor at the moment and have researched about cognitive behavioural therapist, has anyone had any experience with this or recommend something else?

Another thing maybe worth mentioning is he has 'ADHD' I personally dont believe this, and maybe the tablets are causing his moods ? I don't know but I don't think he has ADHD and I believe this is all he has known his whole life, that he takes tablets to make him good (not my words) it's very sad, because I love him so very much and worry about his future.

My mum, the most stubborn women alive. I have spoken to her so many times and believes it's never her fault.

Thank you again for taking your time out to read this, means a lot

[LizzieM in reply to Rocket18]

Hi there. TJ is so lucky to have you! You can see the bigger picture here and that's a great start. You are right about all the changes taking their toll on him too. His self confidence is very low and won't allow him to see his own talents or to be complimented. You might find that immediately after any achievement or compliment the self loathing and difficult behaviour happens. This is where CBT would help. It will show him how to recognise unhelpful patterns if thoughts. I.e. I'm useless, bad, unlovable etc. and how to stop these thoughts. Once he has learned it and uses the CBT it will make a slow gradual difference. As regards ADHD. It is possible the medication can cause depression but it could also just simply be because knowing he has to take it makes him feel bad. It should be explained in a positive way that his life will be easier and less troublesome rather than in a negative 'you are bad" way and the punishment is to take the meds it could be less of an issue. Glad to hear he is seeing a counsellor. Your mum will never change so don't keep trying. Just keep doing what you are doing and hopefully as Tj gets older he too will be able to look to the future and decide he deserves a better life. LizzieX