at my wits end !

[lostsoul1703]

i suffer from borderline personality disorder been on a downward spiral the last few weeks. i am a walking ball of anger . Reached out to my local mental health service feel really let down by them . Its like they dont take me seriously . im scared of feeling this low again. i dont see pleasure or happiness in anything and feel id be better off on my own so i cant hurt anyone anymore. i really am lost. feel such despair !

[Suzie40]

Hi there and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that things are tough for you at the moment. It's awful when you pluck up the courage to seek help and then get let down. It's like one step forwards and fifty steps back. I understand that feeling of just wanting to be alone, but I'm sure there are lots of people who value your friendship. Sometimes a happy balance between time to yourself and time with others is the best solution. I love being on my own, but I'm also aware that too much time spent with my own thoughts for company is not always a good thing ...

[Hidden]

Hi

It sounds like you are finding things difficult at the moment and having sought help and found you were not taken seriously you find it hard to want to reach out and trust anyone else because you don't trust yourself in being able to control your anger.

I'm not surprised you have that feeling, it's a natural response to feeling you have not gained the support you needed. Despair is the natural reaction in those circumstances.

With a diagnosis of BPD I imagine you have tried many times to reach out for understanding and support but have felt misunderstood and let down many times, that is so often what happens when we bring with us feelings that are very difficult to cope with, health professionals find them difficult too and can often respond in ways that are not helpful.

You say you sought help and I am wondering whether you had an idea of the kind of help you needed? Perhaps being able to think about that would be a good first step. The majority of people with BPD have a history of abuse and/or other kinds of trauma and it may well be that you have such a history. If so, then you will find it difficult to avoid the feeling that repetitions of the past keep occurring - and in reality repetitions may keep happening until you are able to understand what it is that is being repeated and until you have shared the feelings related to your past and grieved, thus reducing your anger.

Perhaps you can share some of your feelings and thoughts here? We are a friendly bunch with our own difficult feelings to live with and can offer support.

Suexx

[Hidden]

Why are you so angry? Have you seen a counsellor? I have had depression for many years, I too feel anger at men because of the way they treated me. Medication does help, do you take anything? Counselling helps some people but it just drew out all the hurt, but didn,t make it go away.