Am I paranoid or is my anxiety and gut right???

[rhyslfc12]

My gf is getting asked to share a spare bedroom at work with and older bloke and and her mum is her boss she keeps joking around with him and her daughter to do it but he tries making snide comments sex related all the time she lied about everything hes said to me when I asked her what shes hiding from me. She persistently lied untill eventually she told mw a month later. Now I think she might of cheated or is still hiding something from me is it my head or is it my gut as I knew she was hiding something in the first place.

[Suzie40]

I'm a bit confused!

They are sharing a bedroom at work? Is it a residential setting?

How do you know he is making snide comments? Have you heard him or has she told you? What did she confess to a month later?

[rhyslfc12 in reply to Suzie40]

No but he keeps asking her. This is in a residential care home for the elderly she told me he keeps making sex related can comments and she lied to me when I asked her what is she hiding from me at qork coz I had a gut instict she was hiding something. They talk about boob jobs and penis enlargement and hes like 40 and shes 19. She confessed after a month of lying that she aint hiding anything. Sorry I have severe depression and anxiety disorder and dont know if its my head or my gut. Hoep this helps.

[Suzie40]

Personally I'd be wondering why, if there's nothing to it, she is telling you. It sounds as though she's dangling the carrot to see if you'll take it. She may or may not have done anything, that's something for you to work out based on the evidence you have and your trust for her, but I would certainly be questioning her behaviour. I don't think it's appropriate in the slightest for them to be sharing a room and rather unprofessional of her Mum to be encouraging it. As long as you are not making unfair demands, ie refusing to let her go to work, I think you're well within your rights to request that this sleeping arrangement doesn't happen.

[sunnyr2000]

I normally don't reply but in your case I felt compelled to write a reply because I have been through it myself. After 15 years I finally called it a day. Before you get entangled in this lies and cheat web, one important question to ask yourself is: Is there any reasons why she would lie to me and cheat on me? You've got to look at it from both perspectives; yours and hers. If she appears to be using you to build her own security then get out of it now before you get entangled in this web any further. You will thank yourself one day for making the right choice at the right time. If however you find the contrary is true, then you should tread with care as your paranoia will push her away and you will lose her. So, if you are reading this you've got to be very careful with your moves; don't let your illness take control of you. I can give you personal suggestions from my own experience of what you should do next to find out the truth but not on this forum. Hope you break out of it. Regards

[gardengnome]

oh dear sounds like this girl really needs to grow up. neither you nor this older guy are toys to be played with. Maybe she is just flirting with this guy for a bit of fun. The question is how is she with you the rest of the time? Is she considerate to you is she supportive? would the girl be better as a friend rather than a girl friend?

[rhyslfc12]

She dont sharw it with him he keeps asking her. And just dont get why she lied if she thinks there is nothing to it especially askinf for naked photos of me. And telles her to leave me when he dont even no me. If this was just a mistake as in lying. Then how do I take control of my anxiety and depression and think positive because its wrecking me. We been together on and off for 5 years since she was 14 I am now 22 and im her first love. Shes not supportive just anolnoyed when I dont show her attention when feel down

[gardengnome]

sounds like you have reached a time when you need to make a major decision in life which can be scary.

Maybe you both have a lot of good memories from the past five years, and have shared some good times.

What about the future? do you see this girl being someone who will help you be a relaxed and happy person? Even if this other guy were not in the picture would her reaction to you be different?

Girl friends are no different from any kind of friend, if someone does not support you but makes you feel worse, then they are not a good friend to be around. New friends and new girl friends can be made, but you can not change some one elses character, or make them act the way you want them to.

[Hidden]

Hi

It really isn't appropriate for a 40 year old man and a 19 year old girl to be sharing a bedroom, that is asking for problems unless there are also a lot of other people sharing the room. The fact that her mother is suggesting it sounds very worrying. I wonder whether your daughter and/or her mother have been involved in sexual abuse or prostitution in the past and would feel very concerned.

This all leaves you in a difficult situation, not knowing who or what to trust. If possible I would try to find someone of your own to talk to for support as you need to be able to stand back and look at the relationship. I agree with other comments that if the relationship is making you feel bad rather than good then by definition it is not a good relationship even if you feel you love her or have had some good times, unless it is a passing difficult phase you are able to talk about. This situation does not sound like that.

I agree with other answers that it sounds as though there is a lot of game playing going on and in the process feelings will get hurt. If I were you I would consider whether you want such a relationship.

Suexx

[rhyslfc12]

Its hard not to think that shes shes cheating or lying still coz I got such a messed up head with worries and I cnant define whays true and whats in my head