I was seeing a lad id been on and off with for years, normally he speaks to me loads then we end up sleeping together then he dissapears.
Anyway this time seemed different, we said we would make it official and had been seeing each other a few week. If i didnt reply he would be mither me, he told me he liked me etc and he just seemed really keen this time.
Anyways we slept together a few weeks ago and low and behold started hardly hearing off him. so i just ignored him.
He came out tonight and met me and my friend out of the blue. said to me could he have a word so took me outside and said sorry for dissapearing and he abslutly loved me and adored me and he loved it when we was together...
BUT...
He went on to say you know that feeling you get when you miss someone and wanted to speak to them all the time? well he just didnt get that with me...
felt like i had been slapped in the face, ive always suspected that as it happens with every lad i meet, but ive never been told that direct.
ruined the whole night and he asked me a bit later on was i not speaking to him? so i was like well no not really, i explained i wasnt bothered that nothing come of me and him cos i was used to it but it was a shock to hear that.
so then he got in a mood and said well if i couldnt accept it theres nothing he could do.
i said i accepted it but still not nice.
he then went home.
then told my mate i wanted to go home. i mean why tell me on a night out?! just glad i wasnt drinking as i probs would have been in a mess but i drove home crying.
What is wrong with me? this happens to me all the time...lads seem really interested at 1st but then nothing. it must be when they get to know me, i must just be that terrible company or whatever that all im worth is a potential shag. Id love to know exactly whats wrong with me that nobody wants to be with me. im a nothing of a person and not worth anyones respect.
im not even looking for a boyfriend so why do these people need to come along and bother me and warp my mind and make me believe all their shit in the 1st place.
just whats wrong with me that so effin awful.
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Lush__x
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Zoe, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. There is, however, a lot wrong with the way that guy's treating you. Try and look past whatever he says - people's colours come out in their actions, words can lie but choices don't. If he loved and adored you, he wouldn't treat you the way he does, simple as.
I suspect what he loves is the ego bounce he gets from sleeping with you. Precisely because you ARE cool, fun, gorgeous and generally awesome, he gets a shot of adrenaline to his own ego by pulling you - it's like a reflected glory thing, if he can get you into bed then he must be pretty special himself. And once he's got that result, he doesn't need it anymore so off he goes.
It doesn't say anything about you as a person. He's not thinking about you as a person. Look at what he's done: tells you he loves you and wants to be in a serious relationship with you, gets in yr pants, then disappears off, tells you actually no he doesn't want to be with you, and then apparently expects you to just be ok with that!! What f***ing planet is the guy on? His own, clearly...it says nothing about you and everything one needs to know about him.
There is nothing wrong with you , Zoe... This bloke sweet talks you,( and we all like to hear that), then he uses you and he's off probably using some other poor girl too. I am an older lady now but was like you when I was younger. I wore my heart on my sleeve and thought I would never find 'my' someone. Forward many years and I am delighted to say my husband and I have been married for 37 years and we are still happy. Your right man will come along.... just enjoy yourself with your friends now and don't let these lousy blokes get you down. They are really just scum and not worth the bother. Please don't let these blokes stop you enjoying your life.
You are a vibrant, attractive girl. ENJOY yourself and believe in yourself. Julie xx
Believe in yourself, have faith that you are a good person who deserves to be treated well. Perhaps these guys are using and abusing you because you don't have the self-confidence to realise that you are worth so much more than that.
*big hugs* I know you must be feeling dreadful just now, but this feeling will pass, and for now you have the support of this site
I agree with the others who have posted before me. The guy's actions say NOTHING about you but EVERYTHING about him.
Unfortunately, many guys aren't in a relationship for the other person, but for themselves. If he had loved you he would not have done this to you. A real man would have faced up to his feelings of not wanting to be with you before sleeping with you, would have told you at a time that respects you - not when you just happen to both be in the same place.
I hope you recover from this. I'm sure you can live a more fulfilled life without men like this one.
But don't put that off. If you find someone who loves you for who you are and not how you make them feel, can face up to their emotions and deal with them you're onto a winner. In marriage feelings often come second. Sometimes you just don't 'feel in love' with your spouse, but you get on with loving them anyway. If a guy is serious about you he'll continue to love you regardless of his feelings.
I agree with the others. Try to make your boundaries known to him and you can be as strict as you like. He is using you and abusing your vulnerability. There is nothing wrong with you. He's the one with the problem. If you assert yourself a bit more he will behave differently I'm sure.
The thing is Zoe, it's not been that long since you split up from that very messy relationship, has it? I don't think you were ready for another relationship anyway. That said, it doesn't give anyone a right to treat you badly. Guys will be interested in you. You're an attractive person with a lovely personality. Theres not much you can do about that! But let them be attracted, without letting them take advantage of you. This guy seems like a bit of a nob, if you don't mind me saying. Don't let what's happened cloud your judgement of all men and certainly don't start to look for faults in yourself. You've done nothing wrong and when you're actually ready for a relationship, the right one will come along xxx
I just want to reiterate exactly what everyone else has said on here and along with them want to reassure you that you are definitely not the problem and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you at all. I obviously don't know you properly, but from having read your posts and responses from others who possibly know you better, you sound like a very likeable and lovely young woman. Please don't put yourself down so much, and I know this us going to sound like an old cliché, but you will find the right guy for you eventually. This man to me sounds like he has a bit of an ego stick stuck up his backside, (oops, sorry!).
In the meantime just try and enjoy yourself with people who deserve your company!
i agree with the other replys, just wanted to add that you can afford to take your time and be choosy. Get to know someone to be sure he is really a nice guy, you don't deserve to be messed about again. Know it's not an easy trick to balance trust and caution. It might sound a bit old fashioned, but maybe our grans knew a thing or two.
I agree with all that's written here - why sleep with someone until you know they are trustworthy and do actually feel something strongly for you apart from lust? Suexx
I agree with everyone. He sounds like he said what he needed to so that he could get what he wanted from you. You are much better off without him. Focus on yourself and learn to love you. Once you can do that boys will see how fabulous you are and will want to be with you. Take care Nikki x
also please don't get too annoyed at yourself for the experience. we all make mistakes trying to figure out relationships. we live and learn, to fight another day....
There's a huge difference between physical attraction and loving someone. It does sound as if some of the boys that you have met so far are too immature to have realised that. It is their problem - please don't allow them to make it your problem.
You will meet someone who is mature enough to know the difference when the time is right.
As gardengnome says - don't be hard on yourself for making a mistake. Making mistakes is a part of everyone's journey through life so it's pretty silly when you think about it to get cross with ourselves because we have made one.
Hope you feel better soon
As a middle aged man I agree with the other posters! Zoe I was a bit of a wrong un from what I can gather from other people ! apparently when I was younger I would go out tell a girl a load of lies just so I could get my way with her! I really do not know how true it is but thats what I have been told ! I try hard to be a decent bloke now! and am lucky enough that my last relationship my ex and myself really are best mates she comes and cleans my home and does my laundry (which I do pay her for) I feel bad about my supposed past and would like to think I am a nicer person now! you should never feel its your fault because someone lets you down or uses you ! Learn by it and use it to your benefit!! hope you find someone soon but dont look for it as thats when mistakes are made!!
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