I am sorry

[emms]

Sorry I havent been on here since going to my appointment, I ended up going to sit in a river for a while, then lay on the bank and took loads of zopiclone, but then just woke up cold the next day. Then I went to bed, and have been there since. I am very sorry to cause people to worry. Emma

[ThemysciraDrive]

Hey Emma - don't feel you have to say sorry. We all knew you were having a really rough time, nobody's going to feel anything but empathy for you. Me, I'm just happy to hear from you

I'm glad you woke up, although not that you were cold!

How are you doing now? Has zoning out for a few days helped at all?

[emms]

no not really, I feel really isolated, and have constant need to injure myself. My house is disgusting. And work are getting tired of me not turning up. I have attempted to die by hypothermia many times, developed it only once though, but didnt get through the painful bit, thats why I took so many zopiclone.

[Photogeek in reply to emms]

Hi Emms. Thank God you ok. Don't apologise we understand.

Your GP sounds hopeless, could you go to another one. Please

Look after yourself and keep in touch here.

Big hug to you

Hannah

[emms in reply to Photogeek]

I have been to two at the same practice, I dont think I should be seeing a GP, now I just feel guilty, I dont know what I am meant to do, but going to a GP was the wrong decision I think

[Gambit62]

really sorry to hear about all of this - but no need to apologise

guess you probably don't feel like talking to your GP or anyone about what happened.

I can remember thinking about how lovely it would be just to walk off and fall asleep in the snow a few years ago when everything was totally cut off by snow but I didn't.

Big virtual hug

[emms in reply to Gambit62]

my GP doesnt have time for me to explain things,

[emms]

I already told my GP I felt like doing it before hand, so he knows, but my GP doesnt engage with me at all, doesnt even look at me, just stares at the screen.

[Holly101 in reply to emms]

Hi Emms,

How are you today? Send us a wee post so we know you're ok..

Only if you're up for it though, don't feel you have to, it's just coz I, and everybody on here, cares

about you and worries about you.

And don't apologise, we're just glad to hear from you and that you're still with us!

Love n big hug,

Holly Xx

[Holly101 in reply to Holly101]

You could come and stay in my house, it's so cold in here you'd catch hypothermia in no time

I'd rather you'd come and stay and we could give eachother a big hug to stay warm and make eachother feel better though!

Love ya, Holly Xx

[emms in reply to Holly101]

yes my house is like that too

[Hidden]

I know just how you feel. it seems no one cares. sorry im new here. just looking for advice. so probably not the best person to comment. just ignore me

[Suzie40]

Having a GP like that must be so upsetting, I can't begin to try and understand what an awful experience it must be

[Hidden]

Oh dear emms. I am sorry you feel so bad. Is it possible to change your gp? If you feel like this again please come in here first. We may be able to help. At least we all understand and can support you. Hugs

Bev xx

[Jeffju]

So good to hear from you but sad that you are so down. I know you are low but really feel you need to find a sympathetic GP to help you. Keep coming on here , we don't judge , just want to help you so much. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}.

[emms]

I am beginning to think its me, not the GP, as they seem to be nice enough to other patients. Maybe GP wasnt the place to go.

[emms]

My nurse has told me not to go to work, she says its illegal, but if I can I am allowed then I have to as I cannot bear to think of all the problems im causing. How do I find out if im still signed off work?

[Holly101 in reply to emms]

I think you should go to your GP and find out how long he signed you off work for.

I presume you had to go and get a sick-line of your GP? Phone them or go and see him and find out

how long the sick-note is for, it's usually got a date on it when it runs out, then you go back to your GP and depending what he decides, whether you're fit for work or you need more time off, he'll either write you a new one or give you one that tells you and your employer your fit for work again.

Don't quote me on that, but I think that's how it works in most cases..

Good luck Emms, thinking of you,

Holly Xxx

[Gambit62 in reply to emms]

Did the GP give you a fit note saying that you were unfit for work? If you aren't sure then you will need to speak to the GP. It could probably be sorted out over the phone without you actually needing to go into the surgery.

Sometimes it can help if you need more time to ask the receptionist to book a double appointment. That means that the doctor won't be in so much pressure to get you out before the next patient comes in and could may be ease some of the problems of not feeling as if you have enough time.

[emms]

Yes they gave me one in June which just said ongoing, but recently another, but I have never used it, I dont think anymore time with GP would help, I dont think thats the right person to go to, I never know what to say anyway. I actually feel better just cutting myself constantly, and pulling out my hair, than going to a GP who cannot do anything

[Shell91]

Hello Emms

I've not actually been on here for a long time - a regular up and down lifestyle has kind of pushed me away from having free time!

I was, and am, devastated to hear about how you are feeling. I hate it when people say 'I know how you're feeling' because no-one does; everyone's different and feels things in completely different ways. So I won't say that. But I will say I've been in a slightly similar situation.

I've been clinically depressed since I was about 14 - I'm 22 now. And it doesn't let up. It has times when it feels a little easier, or maybe our minds just decide to not bother us so much one day. I'm my own worst enemy. I feel guilty all the time, and I worry about everyone but myself because I don't value my life. I've suffered with psychosis for a few years, which has it's fair bit of up and down moments.

At one point in 2010 I got pretty addicted to taking overdoses. I was away at University and felt like I was finally able to do what I felt like doing. So that's what I did. I was on 2 lots of medication (anti-depressants and anti-psychotics) all of which I would take within about 2 days. All 56 tablets. I would hurt myself. I still have scars now.

I did this for roughly 6-8 months. But one day I started throwing up blood. Not a lot, but either way it still isn't a good sign. I wasn't really bothered. I was in a prescription drug haze so often that I could never really think straight. It felt like a bit of a victory, doing something to myself that I ultimately aimed to do; hurt myself. But this incident happened to come up in a meeting with my psychiatrist; I was sent straight to hospital. I'd damaged my stomach and liver. It's not ultimately fatal, but now I have such a sensitive stomach that the slightest sugary or spicey food makes me ill for days. I have scarring on my liver that is irreversable.

But, the point to my rambling is that after I actually found out what I'd done to myself, it was a wake up call. If I hadn't been sent to the hospital by my psychiatrist, I would've carried on doing it and definately be a lot worse off.

I took action. My GP (like most peoples) was beyond useless. I demanded for her to refer me to some kind of service that offers counselling and stress therapy. I was handed over to the Early Intervention Service in Pyschosis (EIP). They have been the most helpful, understanding and welcoming people I have ever met. They offer group therapies, Stress Therapy, anger management, and meeting with various mental health professionals. I was discharged from their service as of last month - and I've been better than I have been all of my life. Don't get me wrong, the depression takes time to get better, but EIP helped me so much in managing to cope with it.

I really think this service will benefit you. There's also a similar service called Pathfinders that offers a range of therapies. It just takes one step - contact them. And they will do the rest. If you would rather not visit your GP, you can discuss it with EIP and explain how your GP is and they can just refer you straight to them.

Please take care of yourself. I'm sure you're a wonderful person, and you're cared for very deeply.

If you ever need a chat, I'm always more than happy to talk.

All my love,

Shell xxx