Anybody heard from Emms today?

[Holly101]

Hi Emms,

Just checking if you're ok, I know you've been feelin pretty bad and just wanna know you're ok..

So write a wee post if you can, so we know you're still with us?

Thanks luv,

Big hug, Holly Xx

[Hidden]

I'm glad you are ok enough to be writing Holly, how are you? Suex

[Holly101 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Sue I'm ok just havin a bad day.. I'd been reading Emms' posts and hadn't seen any today and wondered if she was ok..

How are you today? Xx

[emms in reply to Holly101]

Hi Sorry Holly, and thanks for your concern. I am still not feeling any better, I feel like just curling up to die. I cant stop cutting, but it is my own fault for cancelling my appointment. I dont have family around, and those far away I dont get along with. People I work with are just fed up of how long this has been going on for. I think my nurse will phone me tomorrow, but am worried I either wont be able to answer it and speak to her, or will just tell her im fine and dont want to see her. I am so stupid. But feel like im being buried by everything, and I cant get out. Sorry if I have upset you and others xx

[emms in reply to emms]

are you there Holly? I hope I havent upset you. How are you? x

[Holly101 in reply to emms]

Sorry Emms I was on the phone to my mum,and of course you've not upset me!!

I was just worried about you! I'm glad you posted,if you want to have a wee chat to take your mind of things I'm here!

Seems like we're all having a bad day, I don't know what's going on! I was on the phone to my mum there, kiddin on I was fine but I was crying, luckily I'd told her I've got a cold so she fell for that one!

Are you feeling any better or still just as bad? I cleaned up all my wounds the other day and it doesn't look so bad and raw now, which I thought would trigger me to start cutting to make it worse but it had the opposite effect!!

I'm hoping it'll stay like that coz it really looked horrible, you should try it, wash all the blood off and put some cream on it (make sure there's no perfume or alcohol or anything in it! E45 or something similar is good), put plasters and bandages on really bad cuts and once it looks all cleaned up and tidy I'm hoping it'll have the same effect it had on me, you want to keep it that way!

Have you had anything to eat today? Make sure you get something down ye,

that'll make ye feel better as well!

Big, big hug, Holly Xxxx

[emms in reply to Holly101]

I have had my ensure drinks, but cant face anything else. I am feeling about the same as yesterday but terrified of tomorrow, as Im meant to be in work again. Ive not officially got a fit note yet, and im worried if I see my dr that they wont give me one (new NHS things), as its a child protection thing in schools....I teach science so have access to all the scalpel blades and broken glass galore. I know I need to work, but have been unable today to prepare anything, and I feel so useless I have had to hit my head on things, sometimes I seem to think that might sort it out! I know it sounds drastic. Yes I havent washed my wounds for a while, but I know what you mean they do look a lot better when the dried blood is washed away. It seems to be the only way I have of punishing myself and dealing with everything at the moment. I cant really speak to friends, and my boyfriend is dead who I would really like to speak to. I see him in my house all the time, and instead of being nice it just reminds me of everything and I cant stop thinking about it all. Glad you managed to speak to your mum, sounds like she is supportive. I usually cry after talking to mine! xx

[Holly101 in reply to emms]

I cried during talking to mine lol, wasn't a good moment to pick.

There's no way you can go to work, you really need help and you need it quick.

I think you shouldn't even wait for this nurse to phone, but phone a taxi first thing in the morning and get yourself to either your GP or a hospital.

Go in your jammies, who cares, but you're definitely in no fit

state to go to work.

God, those poor kids would get the fright of their lives

Seriously though, you've gotta do something, and do it quick,

or you're gonna loose your job through it and everything!

Please Emms, promise me you'll get help tomorrow?

Luv, Holly Xx

[emms in reply to Holly101]

this is the problem, if I go to work I could lose job, if I dont go I could also lose job

[Holly101 in reply to emms]

Phone them and tell them your not well, which is the truth!! Xx

[sheffield1978 in reply to emms]

I think or health is more important than or job and they can no t. Sack u for being ill

[suyasqa in reply to emms]

Hi Emms, I'm from Lima, Peru. Just so you can know I'm thinking of you and accompanying you from my heart while you go through all this.

[Holly101 in reply to emms]

You're not upsetting anyone, you can't help the way you feel!

But please make sure you answer that phone tomorrow and tell this woman the truth about how you're feeling, or nothing'll get done again, and you want to stop feeling like this and get proper help don't you!

So promise you'll do that and let us know how you got on!

Love, Holly Xx

[Hidden in reply to Holly101]

Hi Holly, I'm basically ok, feeling low but nothing drastic, just worrying about money as my husband won't have any work this year so our outgoings will be much more than our income, but other than that I'm ok really. I'm sorry you are having a bad day, give yourself a cuddle from me, curl up with something nice to eat and drink if you can. Suexx

[Holly101 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Sue, always worrying about other people you,no matter how you're feeling

yourself!

It's a scary thing, financial insecurity, no wonder you're worrying about it!

But you never know what tomorrow brings (or next week..), something might come up

and he might get work from somewhere, or you might!!

You never know, these things have a way of sorting themselves out in the most unexpected ways.. I'll be praying and keeping my fingers crossed (coz I'm not really all that religious, but you never know with that one either..) that something 'll work out

for you and your husband.

You start looking after yourself lady, instead of always being there for other people

and forgetting about yourself!

Love and big hug, Holly Xx

[Hidden in reply to Holly101]

Hi Holly

I think when we feel concern for others when we feel low ourselves it helps! You do that too. Thanks for the good wishes, and about worrying about other people, remember we can't solve their problems but just be here to listen. Suex

[Holly101 in reply to Hidden]

Yeah, you're right, it takes you away from yourself and you're helping somebody in the process..

I didn't even realise I do that too, but you're right, and it makes you feel

better yourself coz you know you've been there for someone, plus you're not the only one that's having a hard time, and there's always someone worse off than you!

Love, Holly Xx

[emms in reply to Holly101]

I didnt manage to make the appointment today, my head feels so messed up, like everything is jumbled. I didnt teach, but managed to get to work, but felt like an alien, avoiding people constantly. I am so tired, and drained. I will try again tomorrow

[Holly101 in reply to emms]

Don't take this the wrong way Emms, but you've got your priorities all wrong..

That appointment was far more important than making it into work!

Your health comes before your work, or you won't be able to work at all anymore sometime soon! So please explain at your work (you don't have to go into details) that you've not been well, and you really need to go and see someone about this, make another appointment, and make sure you go to this one!

Still well done for making it to work, did it make you feel slightly better to get out of the house and amongst people again?

It's no surprise you felt 'like an alien' and were avoiding people, because of the way you've been and you've been hiding away, but you should really make sure you put your health before your work!

Lots of love and encouragement, Holly x

[emms in reply to Holly101]

I am so worried about my job, as they have already cut my hours as much as possible, and are actually advertising for another science teacher....im worried they will take my job eventually. Am exhausted. It was a very early start, so I didnt take my sleeping pills again and was awake all night, because I was terrified of not being able to wake up. I have zopiclone, diazepam, and mirtazapine, all the same time at night, but its too risky to take them. I only had an hours sleep, and having to leave the lights on now, I know it sounds stupid, but I keep seeing Neil in my mirror if I switch off my light, and I cant bear to see him anymore without being able to talk to him

[Holly101 in reply to emms]

They can't fire you because you're ill. That's against the law.

You should go to your GP, get a sickline, and get on the sick for a while until you're getting the help you need and eventually you'll be well enough to work again.

You're not well enough to work, and its against the law to get fired for being ill,believe me.

Holly x

[emms in reply to Holly101]

this is the weird thing - im still signed off work. But just sort of agreed to go back. I havent yet got a fit note, as couldnt even make it to GP to ask for one

[Holly101 in reply to emms]

You don't need a fit note! As long as you're still signed off sick and your sickline has not ran out, you're still officially off sick! So you don't have to go to work, and you can't get fired because your officially signed of sick.

Check with your GP, as you need to go and see him anyway!

Lots of love, Holly xx

[emms in reply to emms]

I didnt go to work, had a massive headache after having to hit my head so much last night, but I was too late to get an emergency appointment. But I will phone tomorrow at 08.30. Sometimes its just when I go to phone them, I feel stupid, and like its unnecessary. Is it really necessary? I feel like it is my own fault I got into this state. Ive been thinking about ways to die at the weekend. Last time I went to the mountains to get hypothermia, but had to tell a friend because I didnt want to upset her. But then she called the police obviously, and they came to get me. (Thank god not in a helicopter).

[Holly101 in reply to emms]

Yes it's necessary. You need help, and you're important enough to get it. don't ever think you're not.

I hope you phoned them..

Good luck Emms, love Holly Xx

[Hidden in reply to Holly101]

yes, it connects us to other people, Suexxx