anyone else like this everything just always going wrong no matter how hard I try?

[charlie_43]

new user, never thought id talk online anyone out there looking to discuss depression, job problems, relationship problems, alcohol issues and a major gag reaction problems. and am heading back to my doctor tomorrow to lie and say all is ok for the 10th time, when its not and am in major rut and don't no where to go other than under and run

[Suzie40]

I'd say most of those topics are relevant to this forum! Welcome, you'll meet lots of lovely people here. Can I ask why you aren't able to tell your GP what's going on? X

[Hidden]

hello Charlie

Welcome to the site and as Lucy's says there is lots of great people on here who I know will support you with all the issues you have rasied.

it seems a same you can not talk to the doctor about how you are feeling. I have done this before and it does you no favours in the long run as I found out. If you can't talk to that doctor maybe you could change to a new one.

Just coming on here and saying how you are feeling can sometimes help, also reading other peoples posts can make you feel you are not alone in how you are feeling and there can be some answers in others replies.

We are all on here for lots of reasons. But just being on here can help not only you but others,

[charlie_43]

Hi lucy thank you for replying am crying as typing cant believe am doing this online, I keep going to see my doctor and she knows about my gag reaction and need to drink to eat (as drink relaxes me) to be able to eat, i am going to CBT, because am so anxious, its not working and I am keeping this from my doc, as I was such a strong person. now and for the last few years I feel so flat and embarrassed to get medication.....am strong! Not!! I am being bullied at work and I have lost all myself esteem because of it in the last 2 years and also . married a man who cant talk to me, as he not understanding my past x

[ThemysciraDrive in reply to charlie_43]

Aw, Charlie, I really want to give you a hug!! Seriously, there's nothing wrong with talking online. The great thing about this site is that it brings us all together when we would never meet in real life. There are no barriers, and everyone is taken as they are. We all understand how each other feels because we're all in the same boat, and that's all that matters. This is one of the most supportive places you will ever find.

There is a book by a guy called Tim Cantopher which I think would really help you, from what you say I think you would relate to what he says a lot. It's called Depressive Illness: Curse of the Strong. Look it up, it will make you feel a whole lot better about yourself! May help your husband to read it as well and he may understand you better. We men are idiots, we need things spelled out for us!

Being bullied at work is awful. I've seen it happen in places I've worked. Is there a complaints procedure you could go through?

Hope we get to know you a lot better on here,

Will

[charlie_43 in reply to ThemysciraDrive]

Hi Will thank you for your advice am not sure why you on here , not sure which area am in on this site, I was the strongest person I know, in my 20s. but then late 20s the relasionships. i have been in have knocked me down and thats not me. At my wedding, my dad not a good speaker my best friend got up and said, I never gossip about anyone, I never challenge anyone and I don't ever judge anyone , because I don't, each to there own, that's my motto, all I want is to be happy after years of not being. been to cbt, alcohol councillors for my bazaar eating habbits and gag reaction, just so want to be strong again and take on this bully, but right now just not got the strength and want to disappear, cant believe I have hit rock bottom, feel thumb , lost and so lonely in my thoughts and sadly thought my lovely partner ,now husband of 5 months convinced me he was the one who would make me feel safe and happy, hasent or doesnt understand what my married friends have , i just need him to be my friend aswell as husband

[Suzie40]

Firstly, shake the stigma that talking online is weird. It's not. It's just different and actually a really good way of expressing yourself in a way that you want others to see. People who know you in 'real life' will always have their own opinions on your situation, based on what they already know about you. When I first joined this forum, I shared very little about the real me, because I was wary. In time I opened up and now I realise that no one here will judge me or make stupid remarks. And in many ways, that's so much better than speaking to people in the flesh.

Secondly, if I had a pound for everyone who posts on here that giving in to medication is a weakness, I could give up work and live in a little cabin in the forest. The weak people are those too afraid to face up to their feelings and who try rather tragically to 'cope' on their own. Taking ownership and responsibility for how you feel is a brave step. One day, depression will be recognised as an illness like any other - you get diagnosed, you get treated, you feel better. Just like asthma, or diabetes, or high blood pressure. Isn't it odd how we live in a society where depression is the only illness where you're seen as a wobbler if you get it treated? Bizzare.

Being bullied at work is a real and awful situation. It has been happening to my sister for a long time and has had a detrimental effect on her health and wellbeing. Do you want to talk more about that?

[charlie_43 in reply to Suzie40]

hi lucy I have been through so many lows and I think am brave because I come from a family that just would not accept me giving in, but I have had enough on the work front, I don't know how to cope, with hardness anymore because I have just lost my biggest support to cancer who was always there for me and now I don't no who to talk to. i will go get signed off work tomorrow after 7 years in the one job (only 2.5 with this nightmare) my work issues are I was always someone who was heavily involved in sales and I loved it, now... they have broke me down, I don't make any decisions anymore, am not in control of my job, I have been tossed to one side by my new manager, who is a control freak, it doesn't matter what I do, its not right, I need to change what I have done because she doesn't like it. I used to talk to my colleagues and decide between us what was relevant, but now she interferes after my chat with them and makes me change everything that I agreed with them, making me look like ave not done as they wanted (I run a college website) so I know what they want, but she wants to control all the editing of the website , and proceeds to go over my head and make me feel so inadequate. I am 43 years old , I know my job and this woman is constantly overriding my chats to colleagues.

[Suzie40]

Crikey, she sounds like a right control freak and there's nothing more upsetting than being someone's kicking post. I feel for you. Are you a member of a union? Or do you have someone responsible for your performance management that you could talk to? X

[charlie_43 in reply to Suzie40]

Hi I have a 68 year old line manager, who is just glad if I turn up for work, so no he is not interested, I have had "informal" chats with him but until I get stronger and make it "grievance" , which I don't feel strong enough to do , as no support from home either am just going to have to deal with this crap. Or get signed off work tomorrow and run (which is not in my vocabulary) what a mess

[faceless65]

Hi charlie. I am so sorry to hear what a bad time you are going thru rite now, but just like lucy and will said you've come to a good place to talk throuh your feelings, to rant to basically let it all out, as we're all here for the same reasons to a certain extent. Its very hard to talk about depression to others who really don't understand what it is people go through who suffer from it alomg with many other mental illnesses. I havent posted very much on this site yet but when I first did it really was lovely to get the support from people who know exactly how I was feeling at the time. I still am finding it hard to type on here as I don't know how to always put things down as I feel like I am burdening others butI am so glad to have found this site as everyone is so supportive.

Please do try and talk to your doctor about everything although I also know how hard it is but you will hopefully get the help that you need.

I wish you all the best and do let us know how you get on.

Take care

Tracy

Ps. I apologise if there is any bad spellings but I am not used to using a tablet just yet I am usually on the computer lol!

[Jeffju]

Sounds as though you are going through a really bad time. I also have read Dr. Tim Cantopher's book and it is very good..He kind of describes our illness as a succession of stress that builds up and in the end we 'blow a fuse.,' The strong part of the title is how we cope before blowing the fuse and find strength to carry on our daily functions whilst having so much anxiety and depression. So, for now your fuse has blown , you need time away from the stresses to let it mend. I lost my job last year after 20 years and it was horrible and made me feel so bad, ( they did it by e-mail!!).. As a result I became quite unwell and saw a psychologist for some time. I won't say I am 100% now but am a lot better. And, I found another little job which I love and the people there are so very nice. So, as the old saying goes, when one door closes another opens. BUT it took me a long time to see it like that. This site helped me so much and everyone was so supportive. The people on here actually know what you feel like unlike our GPs' or nurses. So keep coming on here and get the support you need and make new 'online' friends. I have. All the best. xxx

.

[Holly101]

Hi Charlie, first of all welcome to this site and you're definitely in the right place!!

It's been an enormous help to me over the last week, more than any doctor, counsellor, addiction-team (I have addiction-problems as well, so your not alone there either!) has ever been!

You can write about anything you want, any feelings you have, and the good thing about this place is, most of us are gonna understand exactly how you feel and have been there at some point, or are gong through the same kind of thing at the same time, so people will be able to give you support.

Sometimes all it takes to feel better is to write down how you feel, sometimes its a few kind words from someone that knows what your going through.. But I can guarantee you this site will be a great help to you, there's so many lovely people on it and we're all here for eachother.

As for this woman who's bullying you at work, that's a hard one.. I can see your not in the right frame of mind or feel strong enough to stand up to her, but it can't go on like this.. Maybe somebody can come up with a solution, I can see what its doing to you and your confidence, and its obviously not good, as you were already struggling.

I also think you should tell your GP what's going on, she might be able to help. And asking for help is not a sign of weakness, its a strength!

Nice to meet you Charlie, I hope things get better for you soon, they already have because you've found this place!

Keep posting and let us know what's happening, all the best for now,

Lots of luv and hugs, Holly Xxx

[charlie_43 in reply to Holly101]

hello everyone and thank you all so much for your support, I can see how writing things down and talking to people who are in similar situation can maybe help. well I have done it and told my doctor everything about my work situation had been putting it off as she been trying to help me with my gag reaction and drinking issues, but I explained to her allot of the drinking is most likely as I cant face the reality of whats been going on in work. My doctor is lovely and has signed me off work for 2 weeks and given me a course of citalopram (should I take them? Any comments welcome) I couldnt handle doing a grievance right now... so now am relieved I don't have to face my colleague for 2 weeks but feel guilty about letting other lovely people at my work down as I do such a active role, people may feel let down as they don’t know whats been going on. I can honesly say I am petrified about what the outcome might be, when I go back in 2 weeks, as I don't do confrontation and I am going to have to stick up for myself and try and portray this situation with HR with no real proof of whats been going on, its all mostly word of mouth and she may try and turn it around by saying lately she has been trying to take the pressure of me as she know how upset I have been over my inlaw dying. She is very manipulating (luckily not well liked, everyone moans about her but they don’t work directly with her).

So my out of office is now on, so now what do I do to get my strength back? x

[Holly101 in reply to charlie_43]

Good on ye for going to your GP! Now you can get some proper help which you are probably needing at the moment..

I would take the citalopram, its not forever is it? It takes a while before it starts working, see how you get on with them and then decide if you want to stay on them or not.

I bet you feel really relieved for going to your GP and getting it all out! I think you've definitely done the right thing!

keep posting on here though, we want to know how you're getting on!

Have a good day Charlie, hope to hear from you again soon!

Love,Holly Xx

[Suzie40]

Citalopram is just one of many anti depressants that will help you to feel better if it's the route you choose to take. It's worked for me quite a few times. Expect a few weeks before you see any noticeable difference and if side effects are troublesome, try taking them before you go to sleep. You'll need to stay on them for at least six months to get any real benefit x

[charlie_43 in reply to Suzie40]

hi there thanks for the info. on reading the instructions it says if its also for anxiety and panic attacks I should start on 10mg, but my doc has given me 20mg. I do suffer panic attacks and already worried taking these might make them worse... but do I need to feel bit worst to start feeling better and able to cope? the worse part is I was prescribed these about 6 years ago but I really cant remember much about that time, as it wasn't good, so I cant remb if they made me feel better, the only thing I do remember is being told by my doc at the time to stop taking them, which I did straight away and I felt terrible dizzy for days, after talking to someone else they said he really should of reduce the dose slowly rather than telling me to stop straight away. how are you doing today after all your lovely advise and help do you want me to try and give you some support back? x

[Suzie40]

Yeh, don't ever go cold turkey on Citalopram! You'll feel terrible. You should have reduced it over a period of some weeks. Personally I don't think 10mg provides any more than a placebo effect. I'd say 20mg is the best dose to start at. But don't take my opinion as medical advice, I wipe noses, tie shoe laces and teach kids to count! X