FEAR

[Holly101]

Why is it always here,

this horrible, all-consuming Fear?

Why can't I just feel at ease,

oh let this Fear go away, please!!

It's eating me up from morning till night,

I wish for just a moment I would feel alright..

Stomach in knots, hands are sweating,

no peace at all, always fretting.

Knees trembling, legs unsteady,

but the Fear's still here, always at the ready!

There's no cause, reason or trigger,

all I know is, it keeps getting bigger...

[Suzie40]

Your post has really made me think

how fear can take us to the brink

of despair.

What's real? What's there?

What's normal? Who cares?

Fear of rejection, fear of the rules

Who can help us, give us the tools?

All alone. No one around,

No sight, no touch, no smell, no sound

Just the taste of fear.

[Holly101 in reply to Suzie40]

I think, most of the time, its irrational..

But to us, its oh so real.

It feels real, it's really there and it ruins my life...

[alamagoosa]

Fear is real. it's an emotion and if you didn't have emotions you wouldn't be alive. I understand everything you said. You have my love and support even though you and I are strangers. When a post makes my cry i know you have touched the deepest part of me. Heart and soul.

[Holly101]

Thanks alamagoosa.. I haven't been on this site for ages, just seen a notification..

Thanks for your love and support, and your understanding!!

Not everybody does..

Love, Holly Xx

[archiesbald]

I completely understand. U become afraid to talk.to believe that u are worthy. Like life is over. Its so hard

[secondhandrose2]

Hi Holly

It's lovely to hear from you, I miss our chats, but it is sad you are feeling so afraid.

There is a lot to be afraid of in life especially when life has not been good to us or we feel alone in a really deep sense.

I don't know what you are afraid of, why you feel fear, maybe just of time passing, of life going by and a sense of - is this all there is? Maybe of the future, of becoming ill, or old, and not really mattering enough to anyone? Maybe it's just a free-floating sense of impending doom that you carry with you? I wish I had answers for you, but I don't, and nor does anyone else.

When I carried anxiety around with me it was all-consuming, eventually I was so exhausted that I gave up caring, let go of the anxiety - thinking, what is the worst thing that can happen to me, I will collapse and die, and what I am feeling is as bad as that anyway - so let go, and found I was just alive and in the world. I don't know how to help you to do that or whether that would help you.

I'm feeling a lot better, managing to cope with feelings of distress and despair by choosing to put them to one side a lot of the time and get on with painting and also arranging to start a printmaking course in Feb. Meanwhile I'm seeing a CBT therapist for a small number of sessions in order to look at emotional reasons for my overeating and to help me to develop skills to stop! She's good so it should be productive

Take care Holly and have a good Christmas, I hope you will be seeing friends.

Suexx

[Holly101]

Hi everyone, and especially Sue I wrote that two years ago lol, I don't know why it's popped up again now..?!

I'm so sorry I've not been in touch for so long Sue, glad to hear ur doing ok.

I'm not loving this time of year, all those things on the telly about families cooking x-mas dinner from scratch, unwrapping presents all day while the kids run around happily playing and blah blah blah, does that even happen?!

Surely that's an extremely rare thing , such an idyllic x-mas?!

Even so, it just rubs it in for those of us that don't have anything near something like that... But hey ho, hope you all have a good a x-mas as possible..!

I think about u all the time Sue, as I'm wearing that lovely toasty jumper you sent me for x-mas a few year ago all the time, it's still keeping me warm!

I'll keep in touch, as I've missed you too!

Luv, Holly Xx