10 years ago...

[Lush__x]

I have been thinking alot today and recently about the past. This time 10 years ago i was 15 years old. I had the most wonderful time that summer. Life was simple, i started working during the summer holidays at a stables i had been helping out at for years. The work was hard but i didnt mind, it didnt even feel like work. Id ride out everyday and made a very good friend, she was twice my age but it didnt feel like it. Id come home and get in the bath which was the best thing after being hot and dusty. Id then go an lie on the hammock outside with a Harry Potter book and usually fall asleep from being so tired.

I loved japanese animation and used to draw on a regular basis. there was this anime programme i loved and watched everyday. This was also the year I started to like the band Muse and still do till this day (i now have 2 muse tattoos)

I had no troubles and no worries. No drama no upsets.

Life was good.

[Hidden]

Hi, It sounds like you were content to live in the present moment at that time and that the present moments for you then were ones you enjoyed. I wonder what has happened in between, whether you have had to realise that you will need to earn, find a job, find a relationship in time or be on your own, etc. It is hard coming to terms with reality - tell me about it, I'm still trying at 63 years old! What would you realistically like your life to be like now - by realistically, I mean not the life of a 15 year old but the life of a 25 year old - how would you like it to be if you could make it that way. At least if you can think about that you can know what it is that is making you dissatisfied, although you may not be able to change all the things you will at least have some sense of what kind of goals you might set for yourself. What did you like about your life when you were 15 that you do not like now? Are they things that you can realistically find again? It's hard work planning life but I wish I had planned mine as at least then I might have known what I wanted and had a good try to get it!

Take care, it's always nice talking with you.

Suexx

[Lush__x in reply to Hidden]

Hi Sue,

thank you for your reply. Ive never noticed that but your right...i alway live in the past now but never did as a child, i have no idea why. Times never seem so good at the time but looking back they are the best of my life!

I know pretty much what i would like my life to be like in the future but its things out of my hands really. I guess the 1st step is get back into work so i can earn money...i do start back at my old job in a few weeks. but its not what i want to do as a career...that seems to be out of my hands. as is a relationship.

Its like i have a life plan and pretty much always have...ive always wanted to live in the country with horses but i need money to do this...and probs someone to live with to help pay for half of things...so everything is interlinked! lol damn!

Thanks for replying sue your answers always make so much sense

hoping your well

zoe xxx

[Hidden in reply to Lush__x]

Hi Zoe

Well at least you have some idea of what you would like your life to be like! Well done for getting back into work at all, that's not easy in the recession!!

Since you are unlikely to suddenly become a millionaire or marry one you are unlikely to find a way to own horses in the near future, so I guess once you are working the next thing is to think about how you might move towards being reasonably paid for being around horses, do you need a qualification for that, are there any opportunities for that within reasonable distance of where you live, if not how can you put yourself into the situation where there are opportunities to work with horses around you. What kind of career might put you in touch with the life you enjoyed when you were 15, where might you work with horses or be involved in that kind of country life?

Since you are thinking about relationships as well I guess you need to think about what you might want from a relationship as well as what you have to offer to one - and don't say nothing much because you offer warmth, understanding and appreciation on this website as well as a love of horses and that's just for a start.

A thought is whether you might enjoy helping people as well because if so could you think laterally and maybe qualify for a career that would enable you to earn enough to have some choices in life, e.g. social work or similar, and then perhaps work with horses at a centre offering riding as one of other outdoor pursuits to disadvantaged or disabled children or something like that.

It's a matter sometimes of thinking outside the box and holding in mind that you need enough money to live, then some way of opening up opportunities and choices, then getting into the right kind of area for the country life and to meet the kind of person who would want a similar life, then not to under-sell yourself but to aim high in terms of work and relationship, to move towards things that are good for you AND will satisfy you in terms of potential to achieve the lifestyle you'd like. I know it sounds a lot and complicated, but if you hold onto a sense of who you are and where you feel you fit in the world and aim towards that then at least you will be moving in the right direction! Along the way you might come across other opportunities that you would never have thought of but which are also you.

I'm glad you find my comments helpful, I'm trying to get you to play around with ideas which can sometimes open up thinking and lead to something different happening - there's no point in repeating the past, that will lead you back to where you are now!

I'm mixed in feelings at the moment. Generally OK in myself but at times having serious thoughts about my marriage and whether I can really tolerate spending the rest of my life with things as they are. It's not a case of the grass is greener, more one of can I find enough satisfaction to tolerate the negatives my husband brings with him because of his own past - sadly he has no insight at all and often treats me as if I am the baddie of his childhood, the one who criticises or may hurt him, and with little insight into the way he hurts and criticises me. I find the relationship empty of what I would want from one, and what I have to give to one, but at the same time the practical and financial implications of ending the marriage would be huge let alone the emotional costs. It's a difficult one, especially when we can't sell the house which we would need to do if I were to live separately. It's not all bad by any means, it's just a matter of whether I can find what I have enough. I know many people would say look at the positives and think yourself lucky, etc but sometimes emotional happiness is the most important thing to me.

Keep in touch, it's nice to chat with people in different situations, it always provokes thought.

Suexxx

[gardengnome]

Gosh simple times. Why is it that in adult life a simple life needs so much planning? While life gets complicated if we don't plan? Talk about a logic problem!

[Lush__x in reply to gardengnome]

We just cant catch a break can we!! :/