Saved by the colour green

[Gambit62]

Got through the travelling to work and being in the office for a few hours today and don't think it was as bad as it was on Tuesday.

One thing that helped was talking with a colleague who gave me a really good solution to a problem that came up a few days ago ... and also talked a bit about his aversion to the whole 'where do you want to be in five years' career planning ... said that he didn't plan the career path, just always made sure that he had escape routes/safety nets.

However, that doesn't have much to do with the colour green ... was waiting on the bicycle at some traffic lights and starting to get a bit oppressed by the business of the traffic when I spotted a twig with several green leaves lying in the road ahead and realised just how comforting that all was ... and so I focused on the trees and the greenery and that helped me navigate my way to work ... and all day I've been noticing how colours are affecting me. Some yellows are okay - but not of they are two bright - that's like screaming - as is orange. Reds and blues don't feel that comfortable either ... and a really bright green is disturbing. I also noticed how focusing on the trees actually gave me a steady frame of reference - something fixed to focus on rather than all the business of everyone milling around ... guess that is a bit like trying to explain the movements of the solar system from an earth centred perspective rather than a solar perspective. The movements are all the same but they are a lot easier to understand if the sun is viewed as the centre of things.

Funny but the buildings really didn't provide the same solid frame of reference - like I need something living to do that.

Not sure if I can find a way of transferring that to sounds. Know I did close my eyes in a meeting to try and focus on voice of speaker but it wasn't entirely successful. May be I need to find some aspect of the sound.

Found the noise of the train in the station really oppressive but only really noticed that as a huge sense of relief when the doors closed and all the noise was on the outside. It amazes me how efficiently they manage to do that with modern trains.

[TheAdr]

hi,

i am not sure if you did all the purposely or it just happened? but what you are doing is a form of meditation and meditation helps you in coping with lot many things like daily stress depression and anxiety. The traditional concept of meditation is to relax and focus your attention in a quiet place. You can also focus on sounds in your environment and this is also one of the techniques of meditation. All the best with these new experiences.

Tc

[Gambit62 in reply to TheAdr]

Thanks. Came across mindfulness probably about 10 years ago and sometimes I amaze myself at my ability to separate my thoughts from my emotional responses and navigate through the maze to a better place ... but other times I'm crap at it. Think today was one of those days - visit from the financial adviser - long term planning -something that I really find totally stressing ... think I'm still fighting against all the anxiety associated with a divorce when it just felt as if there really hadn't been any point to being fiscally responsible because I was just being screwed for it ... may be that's why I feel anxious I'm spending too much on getting it all sorted out ... and then it's all 15 years away and getting further everytime the government looks at it's fiscal deficit and I'll probably die before then ... not that I have anything life-threatening.

At the moment sound in crowded places is noise and I can't get to a place where I can observe it as sound rather than noise at the moment, which is unusual.

[Suzie40]

Your blog was really interesting. For me, my esacpe is numbers and patterns. When I was younger I found comfort in even numbers. I loved how they all fit together nicely. Odd numbers would bother me as there was no final answer. Now I look for patterns in everything. My bathroom window is made of a pattern of circles. If I'm in the bath I imagine pyramids in the shapes and try and mke squares and rectangles in my my head. It's a great distraction. When I'm in the car I love roads with equally spaced trees. I get through the journey by estimating if the length of my car will fit in the space between two trees. If I'm sat at home I often find myself searching for parallel lines between pictures on the wall.

[Gambit62 in reply to Suzie40]

I find doing the sudoku quite calming - limit myself to the killers these days because I like the combination of some arithemtic and the logic. It's usually the arithmetic that lets me down when I go wrong.

I'm afraid most of my favourite numbers are odd numbers. Really like 27 because it is 3 cubed and that just seems like such a neat concept.