Not dealing with anything: My mum died... - Mental Health Sup...

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Not dealing with anything

My mum died a month ago and I am not coping. Have had anxiety and depression in the past, but my mum was the person that helped me cope. I don't know what to do without her. My days are empty. I looked after her before she passed and I really, really miss her. My doctor has put me on anti depressants. Sleeping pills didn't help. I wander around in a bit of a daze. I'm supposed to find a place to live and a job, but I have zero motivation. It all seems a bit pointless to me now.

8 Replies

So so sorry for your loss. Perhaps ask your doctor about referral to grief counselling, you can also contact Cruse directly which may result in getting support sooner rather than later.

Be sure to take good care of you and seek the help you may need at this time, you know your Mum would want you to take good care of yourself.


in reply to Bkin

Thank you for these kind thoughts Bkin. I am trying. Will check out Cruse. Thank you for the link! 🙂

I am so sorry to hear about your mum. You are going through the grieving stage so cut yourself some slack. Give yourself time to mourn your mum and start to come to terms a bit with it before you think about anything else. That's ok so do whatever can make you feel a bit better so don't hold your grief in.

We are all different but we all have to go through the grieving process so don't rush it. If you find yourself getting stuck in it which does happen I would then think about maybe some counselling. Hugs xx

It will take longer for you feelings of grief, too lesson. You will eventually become more accepting of your loss, although we never really get over this type of loss. It is beneficial if you can talk out this sadness with some family members or relatives regarding your Mother where you can also relate to not only positive memories also those negative experiences.

There are various sites mentioned that can help you move on, Even the Doctor can in some way can also help. Sometimes a family become closer at this time and brings some closer than before


in reply to borderriever

I wish I could, but my family are not that kind. The few that are still living refuse to talk to me (long story). I am dealing with this pretty much alone. It's crushing me. But thanks for your kind thoughts, it means a lot 🙂

Have you been sorting out the estate and Her Property/home after the loss. Sometimes this can be very hard although beneficial as you come to terms with your loss.

Generally if you still feel rough at this time your Doctor can arrange Councilling, Personally I feel medications can be counterproductive although the Doctor will advise.

Were you close to your Mother ?.


I know the feeling having lost my mother unexpectedly 10 months ago(11 months this month).

I was also a carer for her but now care for my dad.

It is difficult and you do feel lost, however you got to try and keep moving forward one step at a time.

This is a new life for you as it is for me, the world has changed and the hurt will never go away, but now it's about trying to build new foundations for you and you're own life.

If anything you owe it to you're self and it would be what you're mother would want, that hurt will never ever go away, missing being able to just have a chat with them, hearing there voice just knowing they are there always brought comfort.

But now it's a case of having to take it one day at a time because that's all we can do.

You will never stop missing you're mother but honour her memory by living the life she give you rather then letting her passing define you.

I am sorry for your loss.

What were some of the things Mom did when she was helping you cope? How can we help you to continue thise strategies?

I completely understand the lack of motivation. It all must be overwhelming. Your #1 job is doing things that are going to help you live life.

Make 4 lists: do daily (ex. Gratitude journal, meditate, deep breathing, get out of bed @ ___ am, shower, etc.) ; do weekly (ex. change bedding, laundry, call a certain person, talk with therapist etc.); do when I might be facing a challenge; and do in an anxiety moment.

Break things into smaller chunks and conquer them one at a time.

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