Mental Health - Lack of Affection and Sexual Intimacy is killing me inside

[harryjamespotter]

So the story is, I am a 21 year old male and I feel like the loneliest man in the world. I have much to be grateful for: family, friends etc - but I feel so alone

I have never had sex. I feel like there is something wrong with me, like my personality is flawed, or I am too ugly. I have matches on dating sites, I message girls and maybe something may still happen from that

It's just I want sex because I want affection,

I feel like my whole body, mind, soul, personality is built for affection. I have a such a caring heart and longing for l and to love, but my life is sadly affectionless.

I'm between uni and job seeking. I feel so lonely

I've been told I am not bad looking, but I am beginning to just feel so lonely. I feel like I have no one to turn to, because no one seems to understand and I just feel pathetic

[techie211]

Hey, listen you’re young and have your whole life ahead of you. So much you’re going to experience. Ups, downs that’s just life. I was a late bloomer also. Nothing wrong with that. Get yourself out of that rut. Do something that makes you happy. Join a gym, take up a hobby, get a pt job, better your education. Just keep busy. Get out there and mingle.

[Hidden]

Hey totally agree with techie21 here, we all crave affection no matter our age, remember sex isn’t everything for affection buddy, try not to put pressure on yourself, as said try something new n try to deal with mental health issues first be happy in your own mind n body before stressing about sex and relationships, You’ve got this buddy 👍🏽

[Ram340]

I am going through this at 30. I feel the same but life will move on I guess. For me some days are hard to get through and some days aren't bad. Hang in there.

[Hidden in reply to Ram340]

Ram340 you’ll get through it bud 👍🏽

[therapist1965]

Been there my friend. But had to wait for the right person until the age of 30. But well worth it. Now happily married for 20 years and with three children.

Embrace life. Celebrate life. Make love to life. Let the world benefit from your gifts. It will repay you in due time. You are unique and beautiful. Hugs. X.

[jaglad]

As with many I too was alone until almost 30. Yes I had family, friends and a good job but it was female companionship I needed. I tried various activities to meet people and eventually went to a lonely hearts column in the local newspaper. I met a few nice girls and had some good evenings and days out. Then I met my wife to be, nothing at all what I imagined her to be, but over twenty years later and with three great kids I Love her just as much now as all those years ago.

Don't give up, just look a little harder.

[Hidden]

Thank you for sharing your situation HJP.

It’s really helpful to show others who may be in the same position that their problem is not unique.

I am sorry that you are feeling so sad and lonely and desperate, it sounds horrible.

You have made a really good move in sharing this, because that’s a first step towards the different life that you want so badly.

Although the subject of your post is sex and intimacy, the post itself talks of loneliness and disconnection.

It must seem like everyone else is out there having a great time and you are the only one suffering this isolation.

There are some further steps that you can take to change your situation.

The key thing is to actively seek connection with others, and to engage with the world.

You will choose what’s right for you, but things like going to a class, or joining a club, or getting active in supporting a cause or a political party (they have youth and young adult sections), team sports, volunteering are means of getting you into friendship groups that can in turn blossom into more intimate connections.

Sadness, misery and tearfulness are how your being signals your pain to yourself, and opens the way to self-comforting and self-soothing, so you should guiltlessly take pleasure from what you enjoy.

You might try writing, say journalling or blogging, listen to musical artists who speak to your condition, make music yourself, take up running or cycling, as the strenuous exercise will produce endorphins that can raise your mood.

It’s really important to recognise whether you are very sad about your life, or whether you are clinically depressed.

Sadness is a normal feeling, even if it’s unwelcome, but depression is an illness that requires help.

Depression is a condition of emptiness, flatness, lethargy, purposelessness.

If you think you have depression, you should seek professional help.

I wish you the very best for the future and your emergence as a loved as well as loving person.

Kindest regards,

Francis.

[BlackLinus]

I just stumbled upon this post and wanted to contribute my support as well. I'm 26 and have felt similarly for a long time, 10 years maybe. The times I've been intimate and alone with women, which isn't many (like 4 times), I look back and am startled at how disconnected I was from the experience. Except for a few times orally I haven't gotten a hard-on, which, since the first time it happened, has absolutely plagued me internally, like a punch in the gut every time I thought of it. I've been with two therapists over about 3 1/2 years and committed to sticking with anti-depressant (Bupropion), because I couldn't live in the condition I was in psychologically, I wanted to die and had to do something.

Anyways, something helpful to me from a nurse-practitioner, specifically regarding medicine and outside help was to say that you WILL heal naturally over time. Things like medicine and therapy, they can help speed that process up. I often felt upset when people told me "you're not alone." Your experience is unique to you. However, I am here telling you that I've reached age 26 without having had any form of relationship, and without having had sex. I've felt the harsh, soul-crushing pangs of lack of affection and envy seeing about and hearing about other men and friends who seem to so casually go in and out of these experiences. It really, really sucks.

All the best man and take care of yourself.

[BritneyJ28]

See Affection and Sex both symptoms differs from each other, while i must say you feel like you are lonely and there are no friends, see friend just chill out, there are lot of activities that you can perform and kill those things from your mind. Also just give yourself a peace of time, move out, have a dinner, enjoy the disco, move into pubs, and try to open yourself as this can help you lot to make friends.

And one important thing just stay away from porn videos / website as this could affect you mentally as well as physiologically.

Indulge your self in sports activities, or make a reading habit move out and search nearby libraries, have a membership and enjoy reading. In this busy schedule make some weekend fun with your some friends, this would be great.