Seperation Hell

My wife and I had a bust up @ 6-weeks ago over my 'moods' of aggressive verbal behavior (I can shout and get cross). I can get into deep Black Dog funks for days on end. Though not regularly.

I thought our relationship was OK (we've been married 14-yrs. 2 boys). We get along, hardly ever disagree, live was pretty harmonious apart from these blips with behaviour; which generally coincide with stress! We went to Relate [counseling] 3-yrs ago, and everything seemed better after that.

Last year I lost my job, not once, but twice. I thought I was handling things OK, but got irritable. Things cam to a head over Christmas, and finally we argued and my wife said enough was enough, she needed to consider whether she was better off in her own!

She won't consider counselling again. Has since told me she cannot face my moods, and despite regular check-ins has not always been honest with me hoping things would just get better!?

I feel hurt, betrayed. Anxious. etc etc.

Struggling functioning.

This weekend spoke we were like a normal family. NOw she has taken the boys away for a week. And I feel totaly bereft!

I've given my life to my family. I'm not a bad person. But feel so down!

[Cipher]

These situations are never easy to handle, but one good thing is you know, at least partially, what the problem is and can work on fixing it.

People can sometimes really get riled up easily and say things they don't mean, like your wife giving up. Now I do not know the extent nor severity of these verbal outbursts so I cannot judge for myself, whether her reaction is justified or not but I guess that is not what you are on about here.

Stress is a major contributing factor when it comes to issues like this. I don't know if your wife works, or is a full time mom but obviously that can also put some pressure on you on being the main money maker in the family which is more pressure when you lost 2 jobs. May I ask why you lost them? Was it your behaviour as well? People deal with stress differently. You need to find a way how to deal with yours. Find a hobby or a certain activity that will alleviate the stress. Sometimes its physical activity, exercise, gym, sports, sometimes it can be reading, painting listening to music etc, just find some "me time".

Now stay away from alcohol and drugs, as they always make it worse no matter what.

Do these outbursts happen in front of your kids? If so, make sure to remove that completely, it might not show but it affects the children in a great way, a way you might not even notice or see but it is there.

Best thing you can do is talk to your wife about it and try to figure out together what the causes could be and how to deal with it.

Furthermore it could be some chemical imbalance, or other issues that might require some help from a professional. Try to talk to a psychiatrist (different to a psychologist).

Good luck mate.

[Hidden]

Kinds words from you both.

So more to this sorry tale of woe.

I met my wife at Uni; she was 18 I was 33. What started as one stand (she wanted me!), became a relationship, married, family. Really happy. Salad days lasted til the birth of our second son, @ 9 year after me met.

My wife had PTD, I lost my job, But we muddled through. But things changed.

My wife more withdrawn and I became more irritable and verbally aggressive. Things came to a head @ 3-yrs ago, when she said she would leave me but first we sought counselling.

It worked, it was like a fresh, really.

Then I lost another job (3 in short succession) last year. I stayed at home several months, whilst my redundancy paid the mortgage and wife worked.

Last year she started a new job with the ambulance service. Shitty shift, long hours, but worked round and made time for that special time. However, her new exciting job soon became all she focused on. She was on her phone all the time at home 'texting' colleagues, social media etc. I used ask who she was texting (when she was talking to me) and the answer was 'oh its Adam; he's gay!'

I did not want to disbelieve so let it go.

Last December after I lost my last job, I was very down and short. Said some harsh things, which came to a head. She pulled the plug and asked for space, 03 March, telling she could not face counselling again (it was too hard!) and she would not promise anything!

Now paranoid I searched through her things and found her journal which detailed she had been having a virtual/online (not physical) relationship with another medic, she hapned to meet!?

I've confronted with this. She seems guilty, but the damage is done. She does not love (wrote how there were things she would only ever do with this guy. How the lights had gone out when they stopped etc).

She cannot face going through anymore 'hell' and feeling bad with me. Her only motivation it seems to stay with me is; a) the children. b) the lifestyle {we cannot afford to divorce, we'd each live like paupers} and finally, she needs me for child care to do her job!?

[Hidden]

Sound advice mate from Mattman and Cipher - relationships really can be shit at times and chatting with someone not connected I find always helps. Really hope you get things sorted mate.

[Jlb92]

Hello, are you on any medication to control your moods? To me it sounds as tho ur better off taking a step back and sorting yourself out, give her space and time- that’s what us girls need. Just remember actions speak louder than words. If my husband was verbally nasty to me Ide kick off with him n most likely get shut of him but that’s because I spent years in a bad relationship physically and verbally so Ide never stand for anything like that now. The word sorry means nothing unless u can show that u mean it, it’s not what u want to hear but “if u don’t treat her right someone else will” that is how I ended up with my husband. U really need to prove ur sorry to her before it’s 2 late xx

[Jimmy012]

Screen shot this and show her