I'm 24 years old, Lawyer and brazilian. I never had any sexual intercourse. Since I was 12 years old I have always masturbated a lot and consumed a lot of pornography. In my teenager, I was always very afraid of not being able to have sexual intercourse, very anxious, ejaculating prematurely or not having an erection. I've tried a few experiences but I couldn't get an erection during sex, I feel that my libido disappears when starting sex, I get scared.
I spent the last 3 years without having morning erections and weak erections and premature ejaculation even during masturbation, with very low libido.
In the last 4 months, I'm making big changes in my life, I changed my diet, starting to exercise daily and I don't watch p*rn anymore. All the results of my blood tests are correct and according to my urologist my cause is psychological and I am already undergoing therapy. My testosterone increased from 400 to 750 within 5 months of changes. I tried again to have sex in November, I had an erection at first moment, but at the moment of penetration unfortunately my penis became flaccid again. Sometimes I'm currently getting satisfying erections when I'm alone.
I would like some advice on how to start having sex at 24 years old, get satisfying erections and how to increase libido? How to overcome this barrier in my life?
I guess we all have our own ways of satisfying our desires. If you would like to read about what I have found most satisfying, they are available at dailystrength.org/user/prof...
Hey bro. I agree with your doc. It's definitely physiological. Sex can be an amazing experience when you have sex with someone you truly like. Find out what and who turns you on. What type of foreplay do you like? What do you enjoy doing to your partner? All of these questions play a part in your sexual desire. Porn does have a way of desensitizing real sex but that's not always the issue.
When you're having sex, you have to be vulnerable. You have to be open with your partner. You have to be sexually free. The minute your mind goes in to overdrive about what you're not doing right, if you like this person, if this person feels good, etc. You lose your erection. I was a virgin until 22. I'm 27. I've been with my wife for 5 years. I can tell you right now bro that sex can be AMAZING even if you start later in life. I had to figure out what I truly liked and what I felt like was true pleasure.
Just relax bro. You know your body better than anyone else. Explore it and find out what gets you going. Transfer that knowledge to your partner and its twice the fun. I'm not sure how you feel about sexual video chat sites but maybe start there. Real interaction just not physical just yet. But yeah, man. Feel free to hit me up if you wanna talk more bro. Good luck!
May not be the answer for your case, but for some people it's possible maintaining a hard erection may not be easy to do naturally until the right conditions are met. In my case, my wife typically needs enough foreplay to be ready for penetration, but by that time, I may start to go soft.
I talked with my urologist and we tried out prescription of Cialis, and that did help me keep things going. That might be a last resort option for you to try.
As for the case of premature ejaculation, you could also try the desensitizing spray/cream/gel (or that stuff already included in the condom), and see if that helps. I ejaculate pretty quick during penetration, and the desensitizer helps me last longer. You don't need prescription for these.
Granted being able to do things naturally w/o "assistance" would be great, but you have options.
Firstly, I don't see that 24 is particularly late in life to start having sex, but I admit I don't know what the norm is in your country. Age, within reason, ought not to be an issue. Waiting until you find the right girl is of much greater importance. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin, although I appreciate it has unhelpful connotations in our sex-obsessed world.
You say that you attempted intercourse again in November; I am wondering who your partner was? From your words I would agree with your urologist that the basis of your 'problem' is psychological rather than physical, so sincere congratulations on starting the therapy sessions; I hope they prove successful.
For what it's worth (which is probably not much) my advice would be to concentrate less on having sex, and first to find a girl who means the world to you, and you to her in return. Someone who truly wants the best for you both will be the girl best able able to help you overcome your difficulties together. Then hopefully you will be able to relish and enjoy the amazing sex that Gamer 001 refers to in his post.
So it is psychological. Sometimes, often times the same thing happens to me when it comes to sex bcuz I get nervous, performance anxiety, etc. And since I know it has happened in the past I'm constantly worried if it will happen this time, which is a downward spiral. I try just to not think and focus on the pleasure and know that we both want to make each other feel good. I'm fine during oral sex. Having a good body image is a big confidence booster. And I never used to have this problem until I broke up with my ex that I was most in love with. Prior to him I could have sex with anyone attractive or not. But after that relationship I started having problems. Not all the time. But maybe at most 50%. And I don't have this problem when I'm alone I can get rock hard at a moments notice and also get hard when folling around. Only its time for sex sometimes I'll loose it. I would say start slow, start with oral sex, find someone ur comfortable with and can talk too and be honest with who is also patient. Try to take the pressure off yourself. And having a viagra ir bluechew definitely helps even though the issue is psychological it helps your confidence knowing u have a sort of safety net.
Thank you very much for your attention and for your answer!
I believe I need to improve my self-esteem and my image of myself. I'm trying to naturalize the fact that I'm 24 and haven't had any full sexual experience. Here in my country, the men start very early and women have very high demands on sexual performance, which makes me very worried. This is really not cool! I definitely need to change my life and have real sex. I also get erections when I'm alone, but when I go to have sex I'm flaccid…. I'm going to try viagra!
Age is an irrelevant thing when it comes to having sex. 24 is still a young age, I didn’t have full sex until I was 30. My reasons were probably complicated because I had low self esteem amongst some other issues.
Your partner will be understanding, whilst it might feel an embarrassing situation for yourself by explaining to your potential partner, it should make it easier for the both of you.
Thank you so much for your response! How was your first full sexual relationship? Were you very nervous? Then, did you learn and become more confident?
Hi, I am so sorry you are going through this. You might also consider exploring alternative treatments such as acupuncture, herbal supplements or Chinese medicine with their complex approach to the mind and body. While these may not be a cure-all, they can be a helpful addition to traditional medical treatments. You might also consider online alternatives - dedicated apps to solve issue, e.g. Slow Down app with exercises for pelvic floor muscles, breathing techniques and exercises to relax will reduce your anxiety and help you enjoy sex.
Hey DGte, I hope you're well and thank you for sharing! It takes a lot of courage. I personally suffered with severe erectile dysfunction (ED) and (PE) for about 7 years after an unsuccessful sexual experience got me worried about my ability to 'perform'.
My issue was sexual performance anxiety, which is a big thing for lots of men. Drop me a DM or check out my bio if you'd like to chat or recommendations for the type of therapy that might be helpful. I tried various therapists who were not specialised in sexual performance anxiety (before I found some that were) and they were good to talk to however they didn't know how to help with the specific physical symptoms of the anxiety.
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