How depression affects marriage

[Waterbear33]

So I didn't know where to go but I'd like advice on depression and how it can affect marriage. Basically I don't suffer from depression but my wife does . And I feel it's getting to the point where it's pushing us apart . I want to understand her and what I can do to help . I'd like to know anyone's personal experiences to get better insight on how to go about this in the right way . Thank you

[ziggypiggy]

Know that she is waging a battle in her mind on a daily basis trying to deal with her depression. This requires alot of time alone and is exhausting. No one with depression wants their loved ones to see them suffering. If possible, try and allow her the space and time to feel and sleep or whatever helps her recharge. When she is ready to return to social interaction it will go along way if she is greeted with no judgement and no shame. I do acknowledge that it's also difficult on your end to be that support over and over again.

I also wouldn't create any expectations or timelines on when, or if you think she should be making progress or feeling better. It just doesn't work that way. Everyone's depression presents differently and can't be compared to anothers.

Therapy and medication can help but it also may not and can be an ongoing process.

And always, lean into believing her when she says she is trying her hardest or giving her all to be present and working on feeling better. It can be a difficult situation for everyone.

Best of luck.

[Rufus07 in reply to ziggypiggy]

Well put❤️

[Puppielove]

Sometimes when I'm in the deep end of my depression I choose to stay as far away from anyone as possible. Even though in my mind I really want someone to notice and say or show that they care. I often feel like I have no voice and/.or I'm not listened too.

Does your wife go to therapy? You might ask if you can go to a session with her so you can understand what kind of depression she has and learn some of the characteristics of her disease? There is a difference between Eating Disorders, Bi-polar I or II, Anxiety, PTSD, etc. Having knowledge will help yo understand what might be going through her head.

I don't know if your wife has a strong support system but that will help. I also think it is amazing that you are inquiring about how to help and support your wife. Sometimes people have a really hard time talking about the situation because it is very triggering or that they believe that it's not safe for them to have a mental health condition.

Hope this helps.

[Amiwrong]

For me, I didn’t want my partner to try and fix me. I didn’t want him to ignore me, but yet I didn’t want him to smother me. I wanted to feel like he was on my team, even if he didn’t fully understand. I wanted to see that he was reading things and trying to learn about depression. I wanted him to see that if I managed to get out of bed, or shower, or on a good day managed to cook a meal, that that was a lot of effort. Never ever say “you just have to…..”

I guess, maybe I wanted him to live it with me, in support. By that I don’t mean I wanted him to be depressed, but to put his busy days aside and lay with me, or hold me, or order food (together, so I didn’t feel guilty).

For him to ask me what it was like for me to have depression, or to ask other questions about other possible mental health struggles.

Everyone can be very different in how they are with their depression, how they project, how open they are.

Thank you for coming on here to make the effort to understand 🤗