depression as a man

[MananaBanana]

man. . . I always felt ashamed about my depression.I felt that this was something I should push through without complaint. As a student, it was hard for me to keep up with my peers, because how can I do that if I need to read something several times because I’m too depressed to comprehend what I am reading. How can I keep up when I don’t really understand what the lecturer is saying. Aside from my struggles as a student, it was hard for me to maintain healthy self-esteem. I always thought I was the worse person; everyone is better than I am. It’s painful to think so low of myself. Because of my poor self-esteem, I also lacked confidence, and I believe my lack of confidence held me back in life. People have mistaken me for lazy, but I worked hard to make it where I am right now. Just pushed my way through things. Does anyone relate to all of this? First time talking about my depression to this extent

[Raggedy-Ann]

Hi, you are not alone. Depression makes it very hard to learn and retain information. My suggestion is to talk to a Dr immediately and try some meds. It takes about 2 weeks to feel the lift but it should help with your learning. Do you have a therapist? Self care is really important right now, shower, change your bedding, hydrate. Try to get in a good routine where you sleep 6-8 hours of good sleep at night.

[Midori]

It's not a weakness for a male to admit to depression, in my opinion it shows strength of will. I wish more men would do it, then perhaps there would be less really bad cases of mental Illness, if they were caught early, maybe medication could address the issues.

I do understand, my late husband was a narcissistic, violent drunk. I had to escape him before the children had picked up many of his attitudes. He would never accept help from professionals, and eventually committed suicide. He would or could not accept that the world would not adapt to fit him, but that he had to fit into the world.

Low self-esteem is a nuisance. Try this. You are unique. there is only one of You, and there will only ever be one of You, and as such, you have great value. You have as much value as the Rosetta Stone, Everything and everyone has a value, not in money, but for their unique outlook. If You and I looked at the same object we wouldn't see it in the same way, purely because nobody else has your senses. You can't see through my eyes, nor I yours, and the same is true of our other senses.

Bringing up my kids alone was hard. I felt I couldn't trust men, and to an extent that is still true. I can get along with them socially, but that is the limit.

Cheers, Midori

[MananaBanana in reply to Midori]

I appreciate your first sentence, but the problem is how many people share that view? How many men? For a long time I had to walk around suffering in people’s presence without them knowing. I was scared to say I was depressed because I felt people wouldn’t look at me the same. I was scared other men would look at me as weak if I told them. Men do not want to be seen as weak, so many men with avoid talking about depression and seeking treatment for their mental health issues because of the fear of being seen as weak, and the guilt they feel for engaging in weak behavior, respectively. I think society really needs to redefine what it means to be strong and weak, for the sake of many.

Also, I’ve also been embarrassed about how much depression has negatively impacted my life. I’ve spent years in bed, isolating myself from others. I’ve become somewhat lonely as a result. I’ve struggled a lot in other areas of my life, which has made me feel ashamed and incompetent. I honestly wish my experience was understood more by others, but people seem to be more judgmental when you have these issues, as common as they are.

I really can’t imagine the pain you must have endured with your husband. I can’t imagine and I’m sorry you and your family experienced all of that. I’m sorry your husband went through all of that, too. I’m also sorry that what you’ve suffered through has lead to a loss of trust in men. Anxiety and fear about men, it seems. I wish you and your family much healing.

[Midori in reply to MananaBanana]

It is easier now, than even 30 years ago. There are groups for folk with depression, some in person, and some like this one, where none of us have the baggage of expectations.

Here we are all safely anonymous. We can open up about ourselves more than if we were always seeing each other in the street.

I find it a blessing, personally, as I find it difficult to open up as well in front of a 'live' audience.

Cheers, Midori

[photobeats]

I used to feel that way about being depressed and after I got dx with MDD and social anxiety, I started to do more research and understand my conditions first. Then I started branching out and telling people about the feelings I've been having (mostly to my therapist) then I started joining a group for people struggling with depression and started doing peer work through a known mental illness organization. Then it became more and more easier for me to talk about depression. How f'ed up it feels for me, etc etc. Then I started performing my poetry at open mic nights and slowly started to realize my own poems were doing the talking about my depression for me. I just keep being open about it. I know there are people out there who can relate those are the people I gravitate towards and the other people who can't relate and think a man is not to supposed to feel a certain way f**** them. I don't have time for that mess. stay strong, man and keep pushing pass the naysayers.

[photobeats in reply to photobeats]

Oh yeah I forgot to say , I'm new here and it still gets lonely I still struggle, things are still f'ed up but you know what, posts like this help me realize I am not alone in this fight.

[Midori in reply to photobeats]

Welcome, Photobeats.

Cheers, Midori

[MananaBanana in reply to photobeats]

It’s tough. Depression is tough. I’m glad that you found the courage to share your story with others. That’s powerful.

I find it sad that people will think you’re lazy, or, because of your flat affect, that you’re too cool for school. And I can’t tell how many years I simply couldn’t think straight or clearly comprehend what I was reading because of how depressed I was (the cognitive portion has been the biggest issue with depression for me, because how am I supposed to perform well in school or at work with my mind in this state?) It’s like I’m going through something that manifests in these ways, but I can not communicate what I’m going through because I would be seen as weak if I communicate that I’m depressed. God for it should I ever admit to receiving help. Man, people would look at me like I’m soft as hell. It’s such an isolating experience and that isolation exacerbated your suffering.

[Midori]

Many men feel as you do, but being honest about your feelings is Strength, not weakness, and the men who are the loudest and toughest are often the ones in the most need of help.

Be honest with yourself, you seem to be afraid to admit to depression, yet there are so many other men in the same boat as you, frightened to be seen as weak in front of their friends. This macho stuff is often the reason for male suicide.

Talk to us here, we all have depression or other mental illnesses, and the advantage of this Forum is that it is anonymous, we don't expect you to give your name and address, so you are safe here.

Cheers, Midori