I am not fine.

[Raggedy-Ann]

I am at a point that when people ask I smile and say "I'm fine." to them. The truth is ugly and messy. I am pretty good at fighting off this illness that's dragging me down again. I am spending a lot of time in bed, I need a bath, ... I am setting small goals. Today I changed my bedding. I can't remember if I watered the plants or did I just think about it? I am running out of money and I might lose my job. It is hard looking for another job when I feel like this. I am taking my meds, and vitamins, eating super healthy when I can eat. Sleeping sporadically. My doctors think I might have long Covid, and maybe something wrong with my heart= more tests. oh my birthday is in a week and I don't care. I've really been struggling to breathe so I am sleepy all of the time. So, yeah "I am fine."

[LostnLonely0910]

I think you're way better then you feel an I'm really sorry you don't have anyone to tell you that more but I will. I'm half your age an wish I did those things. I turned to substance an really brought my house of cards down. An I'm trying to help other to get out of self because I got so bad after my daughter was taken I only don't harm myself for my kids sake even though she hates me. I could understand who wants a depressed drug addict Mom. I was home always an kept a clean home with food in the fridge an was there for advice. So needless to say she deserved more. Anywho I'm sorry to make this about me because I also do that an didn't even realize till it was to late apparently. Anyway my point is I think it's great you actually changed your sheets. Mine are in a pile with the dirty laundry because I just got enough money to do it but to anxious to walk outside an get the money off my card an actually put things in the washer...... What a way to live right? Maybe feel the soil on the plants to see if they need a watering, and relax an do nothing at all it's ok to need a mental break. It's ok. Not taking them can really jack things up. You are eating good an taking vitamins could the shower maybe wait till morning before work? Your a person an are allowed to just need a moment. Staying vigilant in every other area speaks volumes I think..... I hope my post helped a little if not I'm sorry your feeling down either way. I know the feeling.

[Hidden]

My ex- asked me why I would always say "good" and smile when people asked how I was when I was usually depressed.I said it's easier than explaining everything going on.

Hope things start getting better for you.

[Raggedy-Ann in reply to Hidden]

Maybe you should get the shirt too. Yeah, I don't tell people how I really feel, I have a therapist for that. People just want to help and fix but what they don't understand is that it is a chemical imbalance. It is an illness that requires a doctor. so "I'm fine".

[Hidden in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

💜🩵 I'm so happy to hear from someone who understands, get treated like a patient sometimes, and that makes it harder to improve. Today kinda took a wild swing at me.. hope things get a little better for ya' and if anything we can avoid a couple of the mean ones today

[LostnLonely0910]

I'm sorry I'm not sure what you mean about the shirt?

[Raggedy-Ann in reply to LostnLonely0910]

look at the photo on the post.

[LostnLonely0910]

I got it after I posted it.

[Amiwrong]

Raggedy-Ann I hope you have had some good days since this post, or some moments anyway. I am open about my depression and anxiety at my work. I don’t throw it around a lot but when needed I will mention it. Most of my coworkers now say “morning” instead of “good morning” to me, as I requested 😂. I openly say “pull up a chair” when I’m asked how I’m doing lol. It does feel good to be myself, to some degree.

I felt I had to be this way or I wouldn’t survive. Menopause kicked my butt, but I had to find ways to keep going, for my daughter. Mind you, it’s not the most exciting or joyful life, but it’s all I can give.

Anyway, just sharing a bit of my life and wish the best for you, and less struggles!