Hello everyone I am new here, I hope it is safe to express how I feel.
I have struggled with depression and anxiety all my life on and off and it has been debilitating at times. I was in a good mental state for a long time I had hobbies and friends and loving wife and i was happy. All that changed back in 2018 when I had a relapse I couldn't stop crying. Since then I have been seeing a specialist and a therapist. I have been out of work for months at a time since 2019 because It has got so bad it has been debilitating and I can't function normally. I have been on so many types of medications for this and nothing works. So they say i have treatment resistant depression. Multiple specialists have suggested electric current therapy what was once called (electro shock therapy) and I refuse, it scares me so much. I believe a persons personality is unique and fragile. I think that will strip me of the person I have become. So i have been seeking other forms of treatment like transcranial magnetic stimulation. I have been so emotionally unstable Ive almost admitted myself twice this year. I am currently not working because of my condition, I cry daily on and off for most of the day. I feel guilty and ashamed every day, Anhedonia has set in long ago robbing me of everything I used to enjoy and love. I lost my pet rabbit who loved me and was very affectionate towards me last November. My wife this February. It has been one devastating blow after the other for me.. It has been a long battle i fear i might be losing. Everyday seems the same except different mental health appointments once or every other week. I never have felt so hopeless and alone sadness and grief. My therapist said i was mourning the loss of my pet and my wife at the same time along with fighting depression and anxiety.😔 I just wish I could escape these negative emotions and start to reclaim my life
Hello and Welcome. I am glad you have joined us. Yes it is safe to express how you feel here. A couple of people here have benefitted from transcranial magnetic stimulation. I hope you are able to try that and I hope you benefit from it.
I'm sorry for your loss. For both your losses. Our animal friends fill a spot in our heart no one understands who doesn't live it. Losing your wife so soon after is tragic. It's hard for anyone to manage those losses. Struggling with mental illness at the same time is too much. I hope TMS gives you the help you need and deserve.
Thank you, I do hope this works. I hope you don't think my wife is dead. Since last year she was emotionally abusive to me, at first I didn't realize it until it escalated. She knew I was struggling and used that against me, She even used the cliche "no one will ever love you" saying against me. She left me no choice but to end the relationship, it was the hardest thing for me to do and it took me months to do it.
I am very sorry you went though that as well, and even though it is a well known abusive tactic and a tel tale sign of abuse. Hearing it don't make it hurt anyless.
I don't know how old you our. If you are 60 there is Deep TMS that goes deeper and wider for the older population. This is suggested for the elderly. Check out the different TMS’s. I have had depression most of my life. I am treatment resistent to antidepressants. They worked for years but stopped 5 yrs ago. It has been very difficult since then. I am going to try the Deep TMS. Our group is here to listen and give support. I hope the TMS works for you. It is non invasive.
Thank you for your support and sharing, I am not sure I would qualify for Deep TMS since I am in my 40's. I hope you can get your treatments and feel better.
We are all here because we are fighting similar battles and understand how difficult it is to get through each day.
You've suffered major losses that will take time to heal from. Be gentle on yourself and don't give up. Keep searching and trying to find a regimen that will allow you to find stability and the ability to have joy in your life.
I cry a lot and want to throw in the towel a lot of the time but I keep pushing myself to try and cry out of the holes I've fallen into because I don't want to remain in the dark.
I hope you find this group comforting and as a source of support as I have.
Díefinitely go for the TMS and have them also do TBS( theta burst stimulation) . It turned my severe resistant MDD around. It did take 46 sessions of TMS with the last 10 sessions including the TBS. I got about 60 to 70 % improvement with the TMS analone. After the first TMS/TBS, got to 93% reduction. Medication never worked as well as this.
I only had to pay my deductible and the rest was covered by my PPO.
Good Luck on your journey to recovery. Hang in there; there is hope.
I would give almost anything to have a useful answer to give to you, but the fact that you have posted this says volumes about what you are seeking.
Sometimes looking inside myself is too painful, so, I look elsewhere. For me, music was my only go-to, losing my arm took that away from me, so now, I listen with even more intensity than ever!
For me, it's been the things that are beyond my control that have brought me more clarity, listening to a iece of music and critiquing how I might have played my part can be a good tool to remove me from my current negatives, but it isn't always effective.
I will tell you, I hope you can find a way to enjoy the moments that make you smile, more than dwell on the ones that make you frown.
I realize I'm probably not being al that helpful, but I wanted you to know that you're not alone in what you're going through, if you accept that others are in this whirlpool too. We experience all things individually, but sometimes we just want to know that someone else can understand where we are in life.
I think I understand in your case, because of our range of similarities.
I hope that peace will cover your life.
Thank you so much, I hope you can get though this as well. And thank you for sharing your coping technique with me.I have also been trying to distract myself as a small escape, so i do relate. I hope you can find a way to help yourself.
I know how you feel, I have had depression for so long I couldn’t remember not feeling that way . Fortunately I have a doctor who was willing to keep trying meds with me . Finally recently found lurasidone , only thing that has ever helped .
I have felt hopeless before too even though I did not have a reason to feel that way. I did think it was my job, but after I quit the depression and anxiety returned. I lived alone and had no family and I thought I would be better off not being in this world any longer. I took an overdose of Benadryl but I fell asleep before I took the whole bottle.. When I woke up my legs would not even move but feeling returned to them after a few hours. I realized then that I needed to go to the hospital and then I was referred to an inpatient mental health facility. I had been on Zoloft for 25 years and it had finally quit working. After several trials and errors, the psychiatrist found a new med that has worked ever since and it has been 4 years now. I still live alone and have no family but I am interested in life again and I have a few good friends and we go places together. When I think back, I can't believe I wanted to end my life. I think depression is a chemical imbalance in your brain. My mother and father both passed away when I was in a remission from depression, and I got along okay. Planned their funerals, visitations and everything. When I became severely depressed again 7 years after my mom passed, it had to be the meds wearing off, because as sad as I was with losing her I was surviving until the depression reentered my life. I certainly hope you can find a medication that works for you.
I too struggle with severe depression and anxiety. I tried several medications and nothing worked. My dr. recommended ECT and it scared me to death. But I finally gave in and had the treatments. It worked. I feel like I have been given a new life. I would recommend you try the ECT treatments. They are painless and you probably will not remember them. I don't remember about 2 months while taking the treatments. I remember my husband driving me down for them, but that's it. You will not feel any pain. And they work. Best wishes to you and I pray for healing for you.
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Am I the Only One?
Hello! I'm new here and am happy to find this group.
Trying to survive with severe treatment-resistant depression
bad morning
