Melancholic Depression

[Icecream1954]

Does anyone have the diagnosis of melancholic depression? My psychiatrist says I have the classic signs....

[QCuriosa]

I have features of melancholic depression I guess. I cry a lot and feel very lonely and sad during the day when the rest of the family is gone to work or school. I have been depressed many times but this one is lasting a lot and as a 68 year old woman, mother and grandma I feel lost many times . How do you feel?

[Icecream1954 in reply to QCuriosa]

Thanks for writing QCuriosa....I'm 70 and have the lonely, sad and lost parts that you describe, but I also have anxiety that keeps me agitated and trying to stay busy as well. I don't cry much, except when I'm in therapy, and can't really get to the tears very easily. Spend a lot of time ruminating....and songs constantly play in my head. Memories are extremely painful. I don't have family close by, and don't have close friends, so the loneliness is overwhelming sometimes. Don't sleep well....taking Mirtazapine to sleep, but I never feel rested. I've been able to pull myself out of other bouts of depression, but this time I've had it for over a year and a half.

[QCuriosa in reply to Icecream1954]

I understand you !!! Songs play in my head too. I have been very depressed since March but I’ve had several bouts before and like you, I overcame them. I have better afternoons and evenings but mostly because my daughter comes back from work and my grandson from school so I feel less lonely. Where are you writing from? Im in Vegas. I know this us anonymous site but boy I wish I could find kindred spirits close to me. Keep sharing ; it helps you and all of us!

[QCuriosa in reply to QCuriosa]

Wanted to add that I am 68 so pretty much your age.

[Icecream1954 in reply to QCuriosa]

Thanks QCuriosa....it helps to know I'm not the only one experiencing this. I get up every day and push myself through life, but it's so hard. I don't really want to do any of it, but I don't know what else to do with myself. I take exercise classes at the Y, volunteer a couple of days a week, and do my best to keep busy because that's all I know to do...but I don't enjoy any of it. I have anhedonia, which I think is pretty common in depression (the inability to experience joy). It's like I'm empty inside....nothing to give anyone. I also have terrible anxiety, which just adds to the mix. I live in San Diego, so not too close to you....but we can keep in touch and try to support each other. Thanks for being there!

[QCuriosa in reply to Icecream1954]

So sorry you are having such a rough time with your depression. You do try to keep busy despite your anhedonia and that’s already amazing. All I do is go for a walk a day which I force myself to do. I know I have to do more but I still can’t find the motivation. You must be taking some meds aside from the one at night. Have they ever helped you?

You said you don’t have family close by. Any chance you can visit them or have them come see you?

Please keep sharing. I am here for you and it helps me too.

[Rhianna62 in reply to Icecream1954]

Hi, I sent you a reply but it went to QCuriosa instead. I apologize for my mistake.

P.S. I also take Remeron 45mg. (Mirtazapine). It's a terrific medication for depression but for sleep it wears off in a few months so I was out on Lunesta and Ambien for awhile..until they gave out. I have to be on a cocktail of meds to sleep or I ruminate, worry, or I find something to worry about. They put me on Remeron in the Hospital in 2004. I'm now on that as well as Seroquel which is the med I take at Bedtime and it really helps you sleep. An excellent medication. I also take 4mg of Klonopin for severe anxiety. 2mg in morning and 2 mg in evening before Bedtime. I'm also on Busphar but not sure if that is doing much for me, as well as Topamax.

[Rhianna62 in reply to QCuriosa]

I feel the same way. I just feel alone and isolated. I remember in my twenties and thirties I had friends and was having the time of my life. I still had major depression, was not medicated or in therapy (I should have been) and so I still had my bad days (felt like an outsider even when I was at a party or in a crowd) , but I filled it by going to beach parties, bonfires, going skiing, going to bars, Tiki Hugs, (I lived in Florida). I also had cats that filled My days with laughter and moments of joy. It was nice to al least have someone happy to see me when I came home even if it was cats.

You are lucky and blessed to have family. I no longer have any left. When I did, I felt I did not belong (most likely stemming from childhood severe neglect and emotionally abusive, and my first six years being spent in a non-loving Alcoholic home) I was blessed to be raised by a wonderful couple my Aunt and Uncle and a father who doted on me but had to travel a lot.

I am 62 now with no friends..living alone on Disability with Mental illness (yes, I'm in therapy and meds) and Chron's disease). I feel I'm just existing. I have no car. I had a boyfriend but he left me for someone else. We still care about each other and I am glad he found someone to make him happy. It's a very lonely life. Somehow I manage and try to be grateful for what I do have because I spent the last four months homeless and I finally found my own apartment.. although having your own apartment and living alone isn't all it's cracked up to be. So, yes I can relate to you very much. You are not alone.

[Amiwrong]

when I just read about melancholic depression it sounds like my usual depression. Slower movement, slower speech, so either this describes me as well or I don’t understand the difference between it and other depression. Some days I don’t have the energy, or maybe it’s the will 🤔 to speak even just to answer someone. I’m not sure why. I just assumed I’m too mentally exhausted.

I’m glad you have a psychiatrist who is helping you sort through this.

[StillClimbing]

For me, I had the slowed down feeling and no energy, very slow or no speech, and poor appetite. I had very severe depression for a number of years- we tried many medications, ECT, TMS, and ketamine as well as consistent therapy of several types. They always said that it was a very "biochemical" depression; that this kind doesn't usually respond to therapy alone though most mental illnesses really do have a part that is "thoughts and behaviors and life events" so we can legitimately help ourselves get better with good therapy. So usually you need to find a medication that works to help decrease the severity of the depression and then therapy might be useful for support and to work on life stressors. Once I did finally find a medication, I got a huge benefit from proper trauma therapy. An MAOI worked for me really well. I've been better for 3 years.

[Amiwrong in reply to StillClimbing]

Hi StillClimbing. May I ask what MAOI you are taking? I never even heard of biochemical depression. I’ve had depression for as long as I can remember as a child, my mom as well. I was told there was a possibility that my mom’s depression and trauma could have been passed to me. Mind you there was childhood trauma, but mo doubt I didn’t stand a chance coming into my world if this dna thing is accurate. No therapy has worked for me so far in my 50 years, but I hold on to hope for the next thing to try. I’ve always done therapy relating to my childhood but maybe the timing wasn’t right, maybe my mindset wasn’t where it needed to be to venture there in a deep and meaningful way. Not sure if that makes sense. My new therapist is trying the road to my trauma again. I have hope right now.

[Icecream1954]

Thank you StillClimbing....my depression is definitely biochemical...my mother and grandmother had it and I have many family members who struggle in one way or another with the same thing. I've been in therapy for many years trying to cope, and have had periods throughout my life when I felt more normal. Now I'm 70 and life events have thrown me into a very serious depression/anxiety loop that I can't seem to get out of. Tried ketamine, microdosing, TMS, therapy, IOP, more therapy....many meds. My psychiatrist has mentioned MAOI....don't you have to be on a special diet or something? Thanks for your help....

[StillClimbing in reply to Icecream1954]

I take Parnate. I started with another MAOI but it made me gain a ton of weight no matter how much I worked out! This one works really well and I don't notice many side effects at all other than that I do take the evening dose before dinner so it doesn't disrupt my sleep so much. You do have to avoid some foods, but not nearly as many as those lists the pharmacy gives you! Those are all super old, archaic information. I have done a lot of reading; I have a bachelor's in biology and a bachelor's and masters in nursing so I have a little bit of background to understand the research articles. Most of the food restrictions were based on old ways of preserving and storing food. The things that do have high levels of tyramine now are mostly the fermented foods and sauces in Asian cuisine, some types of cheese like cheddar if you eat a lot, and microbrew beer or craft sourdough bread. So no soy sauce, tamari, tofu, black bean sauce, kimchi, fish sauce. Very sad! But the medicine has changed my life, given me 3 years of stability after 5 years of severe depression.The names they call your depression- I don't know that it matters, other than that if you have failed several medications it would be great to see a specialist in treatment resistant depression. It is possible to get better though! You should stick with therapy, even if it doesn't feel like much. If your therapist makes you feel worse, find a different one! I had a wonderful one and it helped save my life, no question. When you are depressed for a long time though, it's easy to develop depressed thinking patterns and behaviors, and you have to change those along with the brain chemistry.

[Ryanlion]

Hi Icecream1954 In my opinion you have depression ( the ordinary old depression like the rest of us here.) These Psychiatrists love to use more words ,when only one will do.It makes them feel imlortant. Dont worry just accept the treatment if you feel its right for you.

[Amiwrong in reply to Ryanlion]

Hi Ryanlion. I hope you don’t mind my adding some thoughts I have two thought processes and one is that by venturing into seeing different types of depression they can then find the best therapies. There are reasons why some therapies work for some and not others. Of course treatment resistant depression is the big question mark. By broadening the labels I do believe it gets them steps closer to understanding and then to more clearly defined treatments.

The second thought is I do like what you said in that acceptance, keeping it simple, just taking it for what it is, could also be a better direction to healing. One day this way of thinking may be what helps me most. To just stop digging for more answers, accept these conditions, do what I can and just be me. But I’m not there yet lol.

I love that this forum has so many different people, ideas and perspectives. It keeps out minds open

[Ryanlion in reply to Amiwrong]

You could have a point, i suppose i am abit anti psychiatrists these days because ive met a few who were twats , sorry.

[Amiwrong]

I’ve have had my twat experiences with psychiatrists for sure. We went to one for my daughter to see if she has adhd. The psychiatrist was aware she had severe social anxiety yet kept asking her why she wouldn’t look at her. She also asked her if she could sit around in her chair. A second one would not accept when my daughter didn’t want to go to another room by herself and wait, she was about 8yo then. She did end up going because she was so scared. My daughter is now anti-Psychiarists, but loves her psychologist! So that’s a win

[Catt02]

I believe so if it's a mood thing. For me it's the life that never was. Think, the ending scene in the movie "The Swimmer"

[DAR81]

I believe I have that. Along with CPTSD, it’s a living hell.