major depressive disorder, bipolar, gender dysphoria

[DCHAM]

hi! I have been depressed for what feels like my whole life. Recently, I thought it might be from gender dysphoria but I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and bipolar one. I have been told that I rapidly cycle through manic and depressive states. I just feel extremely uncomfortable being alive. Never happy or comfortable and I’m constantly told that there is soo much work that I need to be doing but no guidance as to what that work looks like. I’m open and receptive but everything is just becoming very repetitive and that’s leading me to believe I’ll never get better or that I’m being gas lit to keep going and striving for a better that doesn’t exist. I have been in and out of crisis units and they haven’t been a lot of help. I’m just at the end of my rope and I’m tired of blowing up my life because I’m not content with existence. Can anyone relate? Is something wrong with me? Am I hopeless and why not? If not?

[Cookie2217]

Hi. I am also diagnosed with major depressive disorder along with PTSD and adjustment disorder. I just came out of a four year depressive episode that felt like it lasted sooooo much longer like forever. I know people that are bipolar and believe my sister is undiagnosed. I wouldn't wish this disease on anyone. Depression is a deep, dark hole that you need to crawl out of yourself. Some ways I cope is through journaling my feelings which helps get things off my chest so to speak. I also practice slow breathing techniques where you breathe in for 5 seconds and then hold it for 6 seconds and then breathe out for 7 seconds which relaxes me immediately. I also practice meditation which is quite relaxing as well. These are the work that the staff at the hospital were talking about for you. There are other ways to release stress too and do whatever feels right for you. When I was younger I tried to kill myself three separate times between the ages of 18 to 21 and was hospitalized three times. My mother verbally, emotionally and psychologically abused me when I was a teenager and my father physically abused me when I was younger which accounts for my PTSD and adjustment disorder. My father never protected me from the wrath of my mother and went to bed instead leaving me to deal with it all on my own. I was also sexually assaulted too. So I've been abused every way possible. I wrote both of my parents letters telling them what they did to me how it made me feel and then I forgave them not for them but for myself so I can begin to heal from this pain. I was on Pristiq 100 mg. since 2006 and Abilify 10 mg for the last two years. The medication stopped working for me and I asked my doctor to put me on Prozac 20mg instead with Abilify 10 mg as a booster and this has been a game changer for me. I am no longer depressed for about 3 months now and have absolutely no side effects whatsoever. I feel more alive than I have in a long time. I went through such a rough year in 2023. I lost my job and then my home and was living in my sister's basement for 10 months. She treated my husband and I so awful which was very hurtful and will stay with me for the rest of my life. I would never treat my sister, Maureen like the way we were treated and I told her that. We paid her rent to live there and she was very abusive to me as well and even called the cops on me while I was moving out just to be difficult and lied to police telling them that I hit her. I would never do anything like that to her so we are no longer speaking which is sad but she is toxic to me and I would rather not have her in my life any longer. Now on the bright side of things I have my own apartment and I just got a job that I wanted so I have a lot to look forward to in the future. 2023 has been a very difficult year with me losing almost everything and 2024 has also been proving to be difficult but I will prevail because there's no place else to go but up from here. I hope that things get better for you and your situation and please try to journal because it was very helpful to me to release my angst from childhood trauma. I wish you peace and well-being. Please write back if you wish as I would live to know how you are doing. Take care of yourself.