scared and confused

[luxlisbon99]

hi everyone.. this is my first post and i honestly have no idea what i am doing. im a 20 year old woman and its 5 am as i write this. recently the depressive thoughts have been way more intense. usually i can keep the thoughts at bay but lately its like the depressive evil thoughts are winning. i find myself seriously contemplating leaving this world. i dont want to but i want to at the same time. i have no goals, no ambition, no interest and recently overheard my family talking badly about me and how they dont enjoy my presence. ive been dealing with depression since i was 13 but it feels more real now. i dont know what to do

[blackcat64013]

Hi and welcome to your forum.

There is no right or wrong way to put up a post. The main thing is remember we have lived experiences too and so we understand, especially being awake in the early morning with our thoughts

If you are in a country that has 24/7 mental healthelplines they are an invaluable resourcewhen you need a human to talk to.

The other thing to mention is that as a young adult, you needs have changed e.g. the type of therapy you will receive adult v child and perhaps more environmental factors impact upon you.

Ideas about giving up the battle need to be explored with a mental health professional. There is usually something lurking under the surface triggering the feeling.

in the meantime, we be here for you to support you by providing tips and information plus holding you in a safe place 💜 🐈‍⬛

[luxlisbon99 in reply to blackcat64013]

thank you so much for taking the time to welcome me and send me this thoughtful message. you are a light in the darkness 🩷

[cashew78]

Hello, I suspect many people have no idea what they're doing, so don't worry about doing it or doing it poorly; no judgements here. I've been in a similar situation, being awake at 5am (or earlier) and agitated with the thought circus that never shuts up. Additionally had family with very little/no emotional ability and lots of immaturity which made everything worse. If you're looking for advice, something that helped me was learning to sit quietly and focus on my breathing. It's a form of meditation whereby you kind of sit detached from your thoughts and try to keep present/aware if your surroundings while allowing your mind to go blank. When the bad thoughts come, you thank them or tell them 'not now' and return your focus on breathing. It takes a long time to get it down, but it has helped me grow much more calm and patient than I once was with all those thoughts. Good luck, and don't worry if this doesn't work for you; everyone is different and not everything will work for them.

[luxlisbon99 in reply to cashew78]

This means a lot to me, thank you so much. i know i havent been in this community for very long but i already feel comfortable and accepted :') like im not as alone as i thought. im sorry about your family, thats pretty much my situation too. if you want to chat, im here. thank you again i will try this technique out!

[Aguila1794]

I know I’m not you, but I face desires of wanting to be in heaven every single day. Fear is no stranger to me. Face your fears, don’t run from them like me. In time I learned to face them. You’re stronger than you think. Peace and strength be with you.

[luxlisbon99 in reply to Aguila1794]

Thank you for this. If ever you would like to talk, send me a message

[Aguila1794 in reply to luxlisbon99]

You’re very welcome and I’ll keep you in mind if there’s anything I need to discuss. Have a great day!

[Williams3lw]

I'm sorry the feel that way about you. You will be loved here. I'm one text away. Welcome to our family.

[luxlisbon99 in reply to Williams3lw]

its my birthday today and seeing this really warmed my heart!!! also feel free to message me at any time as well <3