I live with roommates and I noticed I been emotional build up, then I isolate/depression, then I outburst.
i outburst on them for having friends and reminding me I’m alone when I also wish they would be there for me.
I don’t want to keep doing this and I’m just sitting between life and death, I’m tired of hurting people from my trauma and wanting them to be there.
Hang in there, think positively and don’t be hard on yourself. Listen to some K-Love Christian Radio for uplifting music to relax to, get outside in nature as much as possible. When intrusive thoughts enter in, stop it immediately and replace with positive thoughts, songs, prayers, scriptures, or just start talking with the Lord. I don’t know if you are religious or not but that’s just some of my thoughts and suggestions. Not trying to push anything on you at all.
I’m really sorry you feel this way. I am too a 20 year old female with barley any friends as well. Is there anyone you can talk to to maybe let some of your feelings out? So that they don’t pile up? Are your roomates people you consider real friends? Or are they just roomates?
Im the same way only i live alone. I would lash out and was always angry. Now Im isolated and no one wants me around..point...I know where ur coming from...insidious illness.
I have felt similar feelings before. You are not alone.
From anxiety to depression
Feeling alone and lost.. 
I did it!
People seem to instinctively know I am broken.
Trying to survive with severe treatment-resistant depression
