Not sure if I should go?

Hi guys,

This is a fairly trivial blog post I guess in light of all the more serious ones, but it's kind of important to me...

Basically, I'm at uni and I've recently been invited to a party by someone who I use to go to school with. I really want to go because I haven't been out all year and I would like to make some new friends because I lost quite a few when I took a year out and part of me doesn't want to completely change my lifestyle because of lupus. Symptom wise I am feeling good, no aches or pains, so I think I could go, but I am worried.

The problem is I don't really have anyone to go with, can I go to a party by myself? I can only think of one other friend who , maybe, might want to come, but I'm not sure. I will know the host (she's really nice), whose birthday it is but obviously she'll be busy as its her birthday! Also they will be playing drinking games, and I don't really drink anymore, I usually have a glass of white wine and then drink water for the rest of the evening if I am in a drinking situation. I'm scared that people (who do not know that I have lupus) will peer pressure me or the party won't be fun because everyone will be drunk. Then the plan is to go to a club after and I'm worried I'll be tired/ bored.

As I'm writing this, I can see how nervous I am about this and I want to stay at home because I am scared of all of this. But at the same time, I don't want lupus to make me scared from going to the occasional party that I am seldomly invited to! I've been trying to make more friends this year but have found it quite hard because I've lost of bit of self- confidence. I used to be able to make friends and meet people really easily, but since being diagnosed and especially when l was losing hair, I was incredibly self conscious and always made an excuse not to go out and socialise and now even though my hair is back I am still wary of socialising.

Has anyone got any advice for me?


14 Replies

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  • Of course you should go, just be strong willed once you get there, it is very easy to get in the swing of things and overdo it. When it comes to participating to games just excuse yourself, say you're on antibiotics, or you're not well at the moment but they shd go ahead without you. As for knowing just one person, great, get her to introduce you to few people before she gets busy and then have a light chat about meaningless stuff for few hours with those people and then go home before they are all to drunk to make it unpleasant for you. Don't take so much notice of what they will think if you leave early, you going to the party is for your benefit, not theirs and if you have few hours in other people's company that would do you a world of good. Anyway, they will at least get to meet you, rather than hear about you being a hermit. And don't forget that you were invited because you are liked, so stop fretting, all will be fine. If you want to go with someone else, bear in mind that that person will get into the games, drinking, wanting to go to club, etc, so it will be even more difficult to stick to your plan. Go have moderate fun, better than none at all. And smile, this world is wonderful even if you can't do things you used to. All the best, darling.

  • Thanks Purpletop, I think that was the advice I needed. I think I've been over-worrying! I never thought about using the antibiotics excuse- that's a good one!

    Thanks a bunch! :D

  • Hi, it is certainly not a trivial post at all and it is a dilemma that we all understand. You mentioned that the host is a lovely person and she obviously thinks the same of you or you would not be invited:) Secondly are you able to talk/phone her prior to the party keeping the conversation casual but get around to explaining that you have lupus and that you have had to make certain adaptations to your life eg pacing yourself/watching what you drink etc. You could keep is so casual by saying it is a nuisance but you kind of have to live by this or you end up in lots of pain. At least that way you have the host on board before you go and sometimes after you have been honest with people they will be more connected with you. You can still go and be chatty/be yourself but keep in mind that you are in charge of this. If you feel you will be affected by the alcohol then only have a little. If you are happy and upbeat then no one will really notice as they are too busy themselves. There may also be others at the party that don;t know each other and will be feeling nervous too. I remember a girl at work telling me about a similar situation and she was reluctant to go to a party and five minutes before she was leaving a lovely guy asked for her number......she is still with him and so glad she went to that party. Perhaps you could already have a good get out clause in case you are not able to go to the club you have family members coming to your house at 7 am ....groan. If not then go and you may have a ball. You may pay for it for a few days but you will also have let your hair down too. You are in complete charge of this and as long as you handle it in a nice manner all will be well. I hope you have a fab time and look forward to hearing all about it:) xx

  • I think most of the fear is about getting myself 'out there'again, and I feel much better, thank you for your advice. It's true, you never know what might happen and I might even end up having lots of fun (!) :P

    Thank you mstr!

  • Yay you go girl, have a fab time xx

  • I would go ;) buy Some non alcoholic drinks for yourself if you don't want to drink iv heard shloer is really nice and available in supermarkets. You could always say that you will help with the drinking games rather than do them yourself, like pouring the drinks needed or dealing out cards? And if they want you to go to a club just say Thank you for a good night but your very tierd and hope they all have fun. Next time is a great Way to avoid doing things you don't want to. If anyone gets nasty I wouldn't recommend going anywhere with them, lupus or no lupus you decide where you go and What you drink. XXx

  • Thanks loublelou, your advice rings very true. I think I just need to be more confident in myself. But I definitely feel more ready to take on the (social) world after everyone's comments.

    Thank you :)

  • Agree with all above. Put your lippy on and go. Have a wonderful time. xx

  • You should definately go, I sometimes have to deal this when I dont want to tell preople I hve lupus as we as a host of other issues. So I sometimes say that I have two places to be that evening hence leaving early and not getting wasted. It works a treat for me. xx

  • I like that excuse!

  • and have a fab time too xx

  • have a fab time then come back and tell us all about it x

  • Use your spoons and use them wisely so you can have a good time. You go girl!

  • Hi F,

    After such a lot of great advice, I gather you're off to ;) Enjoy! <3

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