Frustraiting family caused a flare! How can you stay stress free with all this stress???

My family have always been argumentative, were all so head strong we fight over everything lol. But now I can't argue everyone drags me in! THere my family and I hate them arguing so I Decided last night to calm the situation. The main trouble causers are family I don't talk to since they constantly sent abuse at christmas, but they were upsetting family I'm close to. SO after telling all of them to pack it in I got turned on by everyone except the close ones I tried helping. NOw I'm flaring uncontrollably and in a lot of pain. THe stress is ridiculous. DOes anyone else have this? HOw on earth do you cope? Having to chose between my health and the ppl I love is horrid.

[Sher78]

Sorry 2 read this honey. U need 2 take a step back & distance u'reself. As painful as it is, there comes a time when u have 2 concentrate on u'reself. They shouldn't b dragging u in2 these situations & if u explain that u can't can't involved as it's making things worse 4 u, hopefully they'll understand. Hope things pick up soon.

[mstr]

Aw Loubielou, this is so not good for you. You have to look after your health as this is your number one priority at the moment. It's hard when you want to sort things out and perhaps you always have but sometimes you just have to leave them to it. I always think if you can't change something then change the way you think about it. For you that will mean trying to keep an inner calm even when there is chaos all around (not easy at first). Discovering what keeps you calm is good such as music, laughter with friends, spending time in a quiet area can soothe your mind. Sometimes you just can't change family patterns as they are too far entrenched. I hope your flare up eases real soon. Take care xx

[Hidden]

It's devastating watchin my family being torn apart by a trouble making girl friend. I was so close to my cousin before this all happend the worst part is they know stressing me out makes me poorly but they are doing it anyway. I hate not being able to help my brother Who is getting the abuse now that's Why I Decided to try calm it down, but after being Called every disgusting name possible by my cousin and his gf I just lose my faith in that side of my family. I'm normaly so positive as you all know but this has got to me. I want to help them I really do but I think I need to step back and let them deal with it now. Can't let myself get so upset by fools that don't matter. THank you for being nice I know I'm ranting a bit just rather upset and down xxx

[Sher78 in reply to Hidden]

u have enough on u're plate with u're health & u're own little family. Glad u've decided 2 step back. I know it's hard & upsetting but I'm sure u're brother understands. Unfortunately, people don't tend 2 think b4 they open their gobs a lot of the time & I hope that when they sit back & realise how they've behaved they'll feel thoroughly ashamed of themselves but I have a sneaky suspicion I'm wrong there

Keep u're chin up babes & don't apologise 4 ranting, we all do it x

[Hidden in reply to Sher78]

Unfortunately the girl Who is causing the argument has Done it a lot in the year she's been with my cousin and has Never apologized. She usualy deletes any bad comments She writes then plays innocence and tries to pin it on either me, my brother, my sister in law or occasionally my partner. She's very manipulative. Now my Aunty believes them and is refusing to speak to me. I wouldn't care but She looks after my monster while I go to the hospital. So its all getting worse. BUt I'm standing my ground and ignoring the argument. I know iv not said anything so that's all that matters. Thank you for listening to me witter on xxx

[mstr in reply to Hidden]

You're not ranting at all, just letting of steam which is what we all do on here from time to time. It sounds like your cousin has his own issues so you are right to just let that be and look after you. I hope that things improve for you flare up wise too xx

[Hidden]

I don't know Why that picture is there btw lol my phone seems to have a mind of its own lol. Xxx

[Hidden]

Yh his main issue is the crazy toddler he has for a girlfriend lol. It winds me up when people are rude, its a Horrible trait to have don't you think. There are many words I could use but I'm restrained lol. I made the mistake of thinking that they had changed and when I found all this out I wanted to forgive and forget any family Who had upset me in the past, life is just too short to bare a grudge. Clearly my decision to turn the other cheek on their frankly filthy comments last year was a bad one. People Who can't be honest, talk with respect and generally think about other people make me very annoyed. But I'm calm now and I have a bottle of white chilling in the fridge for when my lil un is asleep first alcoholic drink since christmas and It's well needed your all such lovely people can't believe How I can talk to You all without feeling judged its great, I'm so much calmer now thanks to You all xxx

[Silvermyst]

Sorry you had such a difficult time, it really is horrible when people are fighting around you... One of, if not THE most important thing I have had to do as part of learning to live with Lupus is to learn how to not allow myself to get stressed.. Its so hard but so necessary. Otherwise you end up in an almost perpetual flare. Good on you for sitting back not getting into anything, let them get on with it. Enjoy your wine too... have one for me

[letslaugh63]

Families eh! Who'd have em.if they causing you so much grief and pain you have to let them go.I know it hurts but your going to end up in hospital and is it really worth it.your a beautiful person don't let them hurt you any more plz x

[Hidden]

Let's laugh that's such a lovely thing to say Thank you! AWh that made my day that did. And silvermyst I had a glass for you Might even have another for everyone here tonight thanks everyone I feel so much better now lots of love to You all Xxxxxxxxxxxx