Feeling rough when someone else is ill?

[dg70]

I feel awful for feeling rough when my husband has been suddenly ill with infection and had to go to a&e last weekend. He's had iv antibiotic over a few days and having further investigation when he feels better. As the days have gone on and I have had to do everything including walking the dog twice a day I'm feeling sick, horrendous back pain, rash come up, even more exhausted. I realise how much I rely on him and its quite a shock to see him ill. Has anyone else had a flare up when loved ones are ill and did you need something stronger than hydroxy to pick you up? Like I said I feel really selfish to be feeling so ill when he is so ill and it looks like I'm vying for attention but I genuinely feel awful. I guess the stress of it all has affected me. Any advice?

[baba]

So you choose to be ill and he didn’t ?

You need to look after yourself too.

[dg70 in reply to baba]

Thanks it just hits you hard when the person who is there for you gets sick. This is the first time I have realised how much I can't do and all the things he does. We'll both be backwards and forwards to hospital for appointments now. The joys of getting older. It's quote worrying too.

[Lucylou72]

It's hard enough to look after ourselves with chronic illnesses but throw something else in the mix and the struggle is immense. Remember why you feel like that, its not through choice or inconvenience. I know personally that a slight change or an extra appointment or even standing in a queue for longer than expected has its repercussions on me. Don't be hard on yourself. We are dealing with this all the time. I know its frustrating .Ive even let go of the frustration now.feeling frustrated takes energy. Take care of yourself and i hope things straighten out for you quickly x

[dg70 in reply to Lucylou72]

Thanks.

[Geeforce99]

👋It’s quite normal I was advised to get a flare when the person you care about gets sick this could be due to stress and also the extra physical activity causing fatigue. Take care and hope all improves for you both 😃 xx

[dg70 in reply to Geeforce99]

It seems to make sense. You can't help feeling guilty when you're flaring at the same time. I could do without it though. 🙂

[Geeforce99 in reply to dg70]

I think we all feel like that with these crawl and debilitating illnesses. I hope things improve for you sooner. 🤞best of wishes xx

[CecilyParsley]

Bless you I can totally identify with what you feel. Last year my husband, normally robust, had two heart attacks. Initially I coped on sheer adrenaline, so worried and upset but then like you I started to feel awful. Autoimmune conditions hate stress and distress in my experience and the mouth, nasal and genital sores popped up, headaches, joint swelling, rashes, nausea, pain and debilitating fatigue. It was hard to keep going. Thankfully a neighbour walked my dogs for me but all I wanted to do was lie down when I had to do washing, cleaning and visiting.

I coped but it took it out of me. The only piece of advice I can give you is to be kind to yourself. You did not choose this awful illness, it is not your fault.

I hope both you and your husband are feeling much better soon xx

[Lizard28]

I know how you feel, it’s very difficult. I think adrenaline kept me going when my hubby went in for major surgery, I had to visit him every day for seven weeks, I was exhausted but didn’t let on. I remember one day I slept on the chair beside his bed, I had two buses to get there, I slept on them as well. When I got home, I had a ready meal and went to bed. I honestly don’t know how I coped but I did. He supported me every day when I was going through chemo. We have both come through the other end and I’m sure you will keep going. Just keep resting. Best wishes.

[Chris21]

I hope your husbands on the mend and will be back home soon. I think we’ve all been in this situation at some point, when our support disappears for one reason or another and it then makes you realise how dependant you are on that other person.

Worrying ( not that we can stop it) doesn’t help our auto illness. I’m not sure if there’s anything you can take that will help your flare, but it does sound like you’re trying to too hard to do the things you normally can’t do?

Think of it another way, would you upset your husband if he heard how much you’re trying to do? So maybe just do the things you can manage, rest in between and certainly don’t feel bad for not doing the things you can’t do.

The most important thing is, you both get better 😘

[dg70 in reply to Chris21]

Yes that's the trouble you only notice how much someone does for you when they're unable to for some reason. I guess its been good to gauge to see how much help I do need. It might be time soon to try for PIP. My daughter has come a few times but they have a toddler so its hands full for her anyway but every little helps. I think you think you can still do what you can in your 30s in your 50s and you just cant and now my husband has found that out too. It's a serious life rethink but we needed to do it, we were just coping and keeping afloat but any little storm and the boat starts to sink. We'll see where we can make life easier before the next wave of storms come our way. 🌩️🌪️⛵🙄

[Chris21]

Yes, your right and do go for PIP every little helps and you might find you could pay someone to come in once a week to help even if it’s just to run the hoover round or whatever you need help with. We now have a food delivery every week, it began, I couldnt push the trolley as it began to get more items put in, so my husband pushed but over time, I watched and realised he wasn’t doing too well either, not that he would admit it. 😂 we both like to think we can still do the things we did when we were in our 30s.

I hope it gives you a bit of comfort in that you have everyone here, listening to what you say and can relate to it in some way. 🙂

[dg70 in reply to Chris21]

Thanks for the reassurance. Sometimes you feel you're in this alone.

[Chris21]

❤️x