Theres no doubt that this pandemic and lockdown has been very challenging to most people on all levels.
I am finding it very hard to deal with my Husbands Catastrophic anxiety. we both have major underlying health conditions, in my case SLE and APS but neither are
being 'shielded'.He is convinced that if we go out we will contract Covid 19 even tho we take all the precautions and follow the restrictions in place.
He has frequent panic attacks if anyone walks too close to him for only seconds and he didnt expect it.Then come the flashbacks and rumination.This has been going on for weeks.He is prescribed medication by his GP who speaks to him weekly.
The problem for me is that i dont experience events like him.I want to go out now that the restrictions have been eased while continuing to take precautions.
He believes that if i go out now or in the future i will get the Virus and give it to him and he will die. He projects his catostrophic fears onto me.
It now feels that i am in a 'double lockdown'.Its not abusive but it feels controlling.Its all about the Virus.If it went away tomorrow he would be back to his usual self. However, it is not going away and i am now feeling very anxious about the future regarding my 'freedom' to go for a drive or walk without him as lockdown lifts further.
I feel like the only one in this position but realise i cant be. .
Theres no quick fix i know but it helps here to process my thoughts .
Thanks
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patientpat
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That sounds like a very difficult situation that needs careful management. What does he do with himself during the day? Is he able to find some level of enjoyment in activities or is he watching rolling news?
Just trying to gague how much it has taken over his worries.
I am not sure if you have access to video therapy his extreme reaction and hypervigilance could be symptoms of ptsd. It is believed by many in the mental health community that there will be a spike in ptsd cases due to the pandemic similar to that found in the usa after 9/11.
The thing is that anxiety meds not only do not have much success in treating ptsd they can sometimes cause set backs. There are few successful therapy options with EMDR and mindful based cbt being shown to have moderate success. I have had wonderful progress with both but I worked very hard at home practicing the skills and have gone weakly to private sessions with a pshyaitrist for a year and a half so not an inexpensive option.
It is great that he is talking to a doctor regularly but a therapist trained in cbt might be more helpful.
As to you being teady to reenter could you compromise. Maybe he could self isolate for a few days after you have been out. Maybe start with a friend outside with coffee and six feet apart or no drinks and masks. Take small steps infrequently at first so maybe his confidence will improve after he finds he did not catch it while practicing safe protocols. My first blood draw on march 16th was so much more stressful than my third, fourth and so on.
I hope he feels better soon. Anxiety is worse than my lupus and aps combined. I actually blame my autoimmune diseases on a life of high anxiety. Chronic anxiety increases antibodies and interleukin levels dangerously. It is linked as a precursor to heart disease, stroke, dementia, cancer and lupus. It destroys live and shortens too. But I have found it is treatable too.
Yes, i am finding it increasingly difficult to deal with.So many mixed emotions going on.
He gets up very late in the morning, spending a lot of time looking at his laptop in bed.The more anxious he is the more he spends on coronovirus issues.
Other than that doesnt do not much else except the television and a bit of reading if he can concentrate enough. He doesnt see or speak to anybody else and has 'socially shutdown'.
used to be able to share a joke before but not now.
I was not aware that his symptoms might be associated with PTSD Roarah. I will certainly look into what you have said. You knowledge and personal experience has helped to expand my understanding and possible treatment available.
However, it is hard to motivate him because he finds it all overwhelming and gets despondent frequently. In some sense he finds it easier to stay where he is.It feels 'safe' in his home where he has control.
He needs much more help than i can give him. No one can see mental illness. as you can with physical health. It can be very frightening when the mind goes 'haywire'. As you say it can be a precursor to many other illneses. Like you i believe my Autoimmune disorders were triggered by high levels of unresolved stress spanning many years.
Like you say 'small steps'. Thank you so much.Stay well and safe.
My mum who is early 70,s is having the exact same problem with my stepdad who is 80 and in good health, he has stopped going out for daily walks with my mum and is petrified of catching Corona - my mum said I can’t see him ever going out again - it’s putting a lot of pressure on her and she’s getting quite stressed about it all - I don’t know what the answer is !!! It’s very difficult xx
sorry to hear of your mums struggles with your stepdad's Coronoanxiety. It will be very difficult for her because no amount of reasoning seems to shift their mindset.The fear is so intense especially as there really is a Pandemic out there.Its not therefore 'all in their mind'.
However, i still have to tell my Husband frequently that he is reacting 'abnormally to an abnormal situation, instead of a 'normal reaction to an abnormal situation'.
Does your stepdad recognise that at all.? If he does thats a start.
Your poor mum. I know how difficult this situation can be day in and day out over the last few weeks and still continuing. It can take its toll. I've realised that after all these weeks support is vital for myself. If i get unwell where would we both be.?. No doubt she speaks to you about it but has she spoken to his/her Gp too.
He sounds as if he needs medical/professional help. Theres no quick fix but we have to start somewhere.
It does sound a bit like PTSD with elements of severe health anxiety.
How exactly is the GP helping him, does he have a care plan?
I'm treading very carefully here and I don't mean to overstep the mark, but you said that "it's not abusive but it feels controlling." This is a bit concerning because controlling someone's freedom can be experienced as being abusive. I know this from personal experience.
Do you feels that you can manage the situation or do you feel that things are escalating?
thank you for your reply. His Gp just listens to his anxieties and monitors his medication, which he has changed a couple of times, It helps to keep him calm but does nothing about the mindset. However, he said he would refer him for online therapy if he agreed., which he is now thinking about. He doesnt need a care plan as i understand it at this stage.
You are not 'overstepping the mark' by any means as i know you are trying to offer help which i appreciate.
If i choose to go out i can. However, depending on how anxious he is at that moment he will either say 'ok' or 'do you really need to do this?' also 'where are you going,wear your mask etc etc. I reassure him and off i go for a short walk.
Its when i come bk that it can be very difficult to varying degrees about where i've been,did i wear a mask etc.
Lately, even questioning me in detail about the necessity of me attending a Cardiology appointment i have next week. he doesnt coerce or threaten me and i know its all related to his fear.
Thats an excellent question.'can i manage the situation'. ? yes in the main because i try not to do anything which is going to cause conflict.I make it clear that some things ie health appointments and my walk are non negotiable.
Some good news today.He has made some contact with a mental health organisation and waiting for them to call back.
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Stop the world I want to get off! 
Advice needed please 
