Lupus and relationships

Maybe it's just me, but does anyone else feel like they shouldn't be with there partner because of there health condition?

I feel like I'm going to ruin his life and he has nothing to look forward in the future with me. We have been together 2 years and I fell ill a good 6-8 months into it and he was great at the start with it all very worried. Now though it's just completely changed I feel like a massive moaner and bad for being ill. I feel like I'm a massive burden in his life and I'm not able to give him anything now or in the future with kids, holidays and money struggles. I have spoken to him ahout this and it has made the relationship quite tense the last week. I have said I would want him to tell me now if he can't deal with this in the future and just get heartbroken now after two years instead of the future when feelings are extremely strong....

9 Replies

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  • This is so sad.... My wife is the one with health issues, maybe seronegative Lupus. I would feel terrible if she pushed me away so that I could have a "better" life. But it's good that you're communicating.

  • Leanne....everyone deserves love. We are all special and unique. There is no one else like us in the world. If this man truly loves you, he will stay with you forver.

    I have been with my husband for 18 years. I am not an easy person to live with. He has stayed with me through it all. I found I was sick 3 years ago. Even though he doesnt really understand the disease, and it can be difficult at times. But he is always by my side.

    I hope you both can work it out.

  • I think your feelings are probably pretty common. Certainly, I go through periods of feeling like this. Even though my husband is a great support and amazingly patient with me. Talking is very important and then trying to constructively work through things that come up. I hope things work out well.

  • Try workin on it its lonely if u dnt. After 3 kids a grandchild and a 22 year relationship my husband left me because i had been sick for a few years and couldnt give 100% of no fault of my own. So chin up if he is understanding u both can work on it.

  • The problem with questioning his feelings and motives etc is that you can create a "self fulfilling prophecy".

    However, good communication is essential in a relationship so keep it open and honest, but not too needy.

    If he loves you, he will love ALL of you, including your new not so great health you.

  • With health issues it can b hard! I myself am now a bit more frightened of dating but as all these comments say you do deserve love! Lupus is weird but as long as you guys communicate and put time and effort into the relationship it should work out. If he leaves you because you are sick he was not worth your time and there is someone out there who is :)

  • Ive been with my husband foe 27 years and known him since school. We have four children and grandchildren. Still I have asked him that if my illness ever became too much he must walk away. He cried! I suggest you think how you would think if it were him that were ill, would you want to walk away? Maybe when you have a more rational day(not that we seem to get many) sit him down and speak to him. Tell him how you feel. Ask him how he feels. What plan can you make for communication. All the best, you are both worth it.

  • Best thing is not to make decisions for him or railroad him into leaving if he feels it's what you want. Yes it will be tough at times for you both but that's natural. Enjoy what you have and don't let your illness dictate to you. You are sick but still have a life to live, challenging as it may be. Hope you work it out :-)

  • This.

    I am often petrified that I am nothing but a wildly bitchy burden to my partner. He has made sure to tell me, over and over, that to stay or leave is HIS decision, not mine, and that I need to trust that he knows himself well enough to know that he wants to stay.

    It doesn't always ease the worry or the guilt, but it helps put things back into proper perspective.

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