Today has been one of the hardest days in my teaching career of 23 years. I have done bomb scares, child deaths, school tradgedues but nothing was like today.
Starting a day knowing that I need to plan for my pupils not to be able to access school which for many is their only safe space.
During a briefing we talked about the plan to remain open in any small way and it broke me. I live life with Lupus as opposed to Lupus living life. But, at this meeting I knew that from tomorrow I cannot be on the frontline. I cannot support my young people and be their safe attachment. Yes, thankfully there are others that can but this is my vocation and passion. If I had my way I would keep working but I must respect my loved ones need to not worry about me on top of everything else so will respect their wishes to self isolate.
But it broke me, I genuinely sobbed. I left work so children did not see me and went to a church, tears streaming down my cheeks. A kind lady said I was welcome to pray. But if I wanted to talk we had to stand 2m apart. So much for touching the leper’s.
When I returned two pupils spent most of the day in and out of my office. Checking in, one offered me a hug but then said I looked ill. Crying did not help my make up. Later I treated them to Macdonalds, on the way one asked if you could die from Corona Virus, I duly spouted my teacher blah and he stopped me and said could YOU die of it? Holding myself together I explained that I had an immune system with SEN so would find it harder to fight but assured him I would still be bothering him for a long time to come. He seemed reassured and said yes, that’s what my mum said.
Today Lupus has lived my life!
I will be coordinating support from my home office, talking daily to families and agencies. But is not the same. Although I did ask for a high viz jacket and hat If I am in charge.
Let us pray the madness ends soon, so I can be back out protecting my young people.
Tomorrow when we end the day will be even harder as I don’t know what’s in front of them but they will leave knowing I still have their backs and a box of nesquik so they don’t forget me.
Written by
Hamptons
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
15 Replies
•
For the kids, this is an adventure. Remember being a kid and thinking bad things only happened to other people? That the world was possibly made just for you? They’ll be fine.
For you? I am so very sorry your heart is broken and you feel anxious. Keep telling yourself ‘this too shall pass’ because it will. It really will and when it’s over, we will appreciate things so much better. Like the first spring morning after a long, hard winter.
🙏We shall overcome this, but for now, your health is the priority.
Evening. My granddaughter has been off since december due to lupus and has been very poorly. The sad thing for her is that now she is getting better she was hoping to go back to school and as she is in year 11 won’t be able to say goodbye to her school, friends and teachers and is also missing out on prom. The same for the kids in year 6 who are leaving to go to high school. This is a very worrying time , not just for the uk ,but for the world, we are all in the same boat and hopefully the nightmare will end soon. I don’t know what plans have been put in place for school children but as most of them are tech savvy maybe set up programmes for them to do online, get them doing artwork that they can display online, anything that stops them getting bored. Most kids tomorrow will be jumping for joy, give it a week and they will be craving for something to do.
I work with excluded pupils -most come from unstable lives, already have criminal records. They rage and don’t know how to manage emotion. Many have drug debt and addictive habits. Yes, it’s an adventure for them, we will set up virtual links and other staff will hopefully run a daily service with a meal if there is no lock down.
They are scared and need the people that make it safe right now. These are the vulnerable pupils described in bulletins.
Oh, now I have a clearer picture (not that it helps anyone). I was picturing cute little girls in pigtails, not ‘To Sir, With Love’. I understand your concerns. You are a parent as well as a teacher to them.
Aagh, now i understand why you are so anxious,not just a caring teacher then. Thought schools were being kept open for the vulnerable kids which the children you have described obviously are?
Yes, my manager and I joke we are mum and dad. Two of the TAs have been told they are one pupil’s school aunties.
She rang today to ask if she could come to school as she had been sent home to isolate for 7 days. Never been caked a mean bitch for telling a child to stay home before.
The drive I have to make their lives better keeps me healthy and pushing through. They laugh at my elastic mittens and moan about how slow I climb stairs in the winter. But they keep me going.
Schools are opening in some format as obviously staff will be limited.
The expectation is a hot meal for free school meals, and activities.
We will open with a rota of volunteers in the hope that when the children need to come they will. Can’t force them and hard to persuade a pupil to come when it’s officially closed struggle enough when it’s open. My staff and colleagues will do a fabulous job, just tough not being there. My concern is every announcement leads to the next so if the nation is locked down so will the school.
it's hard on us for many reason's. For me it's because my daughter is a carer for special needs adults who live in the community but the day care centre they go to has shut, these are adults with learning disabilities and have severe difficulty in any change to their routine and can react in an adverse way because they don't understand. They range from Downs to a multitude of mental special need's and really are more like small children in adult bodies. The home cares are only a small group who look after them 24-7 when they are not at the day care centre's and are now having to take up the extra hours their clients are at home but also trying to reassure and cope with the expected outbursts because their all important routines have been shattered and they can't understand why. Also some of these clients are very tactile and social as well as very active and can't understand why they can't go out and if they do can't "be normal with other people" the worse aspect is they don't understand why they have to keep their distance from their carer's.
My daughter apart from looking after these special need's adults is also a single parent and has Bipolar herself and has been struggling with the increased pressure of the work situation and trying to get enough food to feed her own children just for a few days thanks to the inconsiderate hoarders who have been stripping the selves. She also is having they same problem shopping for her special needs people. On top of that we have notice she is worried about us because she is well aware that we are both in the vulnerable group due to our illnesses.
Thankfully we have reassured her (hopefully) as she knows instead of us who are in the vulnerable stay home and safe we are actually having to go out more often just to get our normal weekly for shop so we are now at an even greater risk, which she is more than concerned about. We're concerned for her but today managed to find a family frozen pie and a loaf of bread for her and the grandchildren. Well she was able to get the last loo roll in the supermarket for us last week thank god as we had got to the last single roll.
So far the only plus we have come across is I saw my GP last Saturday, yesterday I had a phone call from the hospital with an appointment for next Tuesday for a scope into the throat and stomach as so many people are cancelling appointments. So I guess somewhere every cloud has a silver lining.
So please take heart there are bonuses and well as down sides we just have to try a bit harder to find them.
Take extra care and don't let the nasty hoarders get to you.
I am in the states and our schools, for which I work and my daughter attends, closed last Friday. By Monday a food plan with pick and grab breakfast and lunch was set up for all students under 18 daily.
Today, day 4 , the middle schoolers ( ages10 to 15) were all able to pick up chrome books distributed via car loop so no one needed to get out of their cars and no signatures needed. The High school, ages 14-18, went yesterday and the primary aged kids get iPads tomorrow.
And next Monday all teachers will teach via Internet for the duration of the closing which will most likely be the remaining of the acedemic year. It is not a perfect solution but it keeps kids and teachers connected .
I think you might find you will still be able to influence and teach your students remotely through this as well.
This is hellish for so many people, Hamptons. My son is a self employed peripatetic drama teacher. He doesn’t have lupus but the closure of the schools means that his income has completely dried up. If they don’t open until September he may be out on the streets, as government help for the self employed is completely inadequate and all he is entitled to is £73/week and no help with his rent (£600/month).
Having to take a step back is horrid and your concern for your pupils is the right response. But as a fellow self isolater - every time I start to feel sorry for myself I think of all the people whose jobs have already gone down the pan because of this - and all the misery it’s going to cause down the line for some.
I’m not happy, but I’m tough and I’ll survive. If I became ill, having been warned, and ended up taking a hospital bed from someone who had kept going to work to do an essential job like caring, cleaning or refuse removal - that would be social irresponsibility to the max.
Being told to count your blessings can be very irritating - and I apologise in advance here - but really - isolation and still in a job? You’re OK.
Bless you. That you care so much is far bigger than Lupus. Your post made me cry because I understand only too well what some children face at home being a social worker for 23 years. The most valuable thing to these children is you and your compassion. It is important that you keep yourself safe so that you can return and keep doing what you love. Children understand that there are special people like you who care and believe me they will not forget you. I remember walking through a City with my husband and hearing this man shouting my name. I turned and he grabbed me and hugged me tight. For a minute I did not recognise him but as he spoke it became obvious. He told my husband that one Christmas when I was managing a children’s home he turned up on Christmas Day. I had been made aware the police were looking for him as he had assaulted his Mum. I let him in as he had raged about her new boyfriend. I had asked if he was hungry and of course he was as he had been thrown out of his home before dinner. I was in the process of making him sandwiches when the police arrived. Of course he blustered and threatened them with a chair so they handcuffed him. I asked them to wait until I had finished the sandwiches then packed a bag with them and crisps and chocolate. That had been the last time I saw him as he was sent to a young offenders unit. Good dead’s and a heart that cares is never forgotten. Xx
Just reading your post Hamptons and I understand all your emotions completely. I’m also in a leadership position in education and have had to make the same very difficult decision to self isolate. Like you say, the decision was reached for thoughts of your loved ones. Still, not easy though. Take care.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
A little about me 
Struggling to get any doctors to listen to me.
Desperately trying to figure out what’s going on with me... 
