Loneliness

My husband passed over 4 years ago , my son left home , I’m not a social butterfly , an introvert and shy person by nature , I’m 49 yrs old and I’m feeling totally alone the chronic illness make things 100 times more difficult . No siblings, no real friends ( my fault mainly ) just my lovely mum , my rock but she’s 80 years old Im so scared to lose her , selfishly im hoping I’m going before her because I don’t want to feel the pain . Anyway my original question was how to date again and tell a guy you have this terrible condition? Thank you 😊

[MissFG]

Maria68 I think many feel very lonely and isolated with this terrible illness. My daughter is my rock but I’m lucky I do have some good friends as well but as they all work it’s not always easy to see them.

I’m 44 and been single a long time and dating nowadays isn’t easy. Most use dating apps and online sites. I think the best way is to get out and about. Even just going to the supermarket or Costa. Smiling at everyone, being friendly can be a great opener as you come across as approachable, warm and friendly.

Are they’re any groups you can join locally. Maybe volunteer for a charity or food bank. My advice would be not to tell anyone straight away about your illness. Let them get to know you first. Or if it comes up in conversation then don’t over emphasise how ill you maybe are.

I know it’s hard if your shy but you obviously want to meet someone so sometimes we just have to put ourselves out of our comfort zone.

And if you fancy online dating so you can get quite an accurate match with genuine ppl then give EHarmony a go. This way you can get to know them and chat first until you feel comfortable to meet them.

Good luck ❤️

[avionne]

Hello love i think we all at some point have experienced lonliness however please do not let this illness defeat you. I found myself few years ago feeling lonely depressed. But i dragged myself out of it. I started slowly going gym to build my strength. If a man genuinle cares about you chronic illness will not stop him from dating you and if it had/does he was not the one to be with.

[happytulip]

I get terribly lonely with this condition. My muscle pain and joint pain means that I can't drive far at all. I have had to be medically retired from work and my work meant that I saw so many people in a day which I loved. I have some friends but see them infrequently. My fiance left me when I got diagnosed and I have my mother who is my rock too but I am terrified of losing her. I am in a similar boat to you.

I did try internet dating for a time and met some nice people but ultimately found that I wasn't ready for it yet. What I have enjoyed recently is making more friends in the local area. For example, I have gone to watch a few games of rugby at the local rugby team. I'm joining an art class and have asked a few of my neighbours round for a take away and beers (not that I drink)!. Slowly, they have all invited me out in turn. I think starting with making more friends first was good for me as it has built up my confidence. As my confidence grows I will get back into dating.

Maybe making friends and getting more established in your community is a better initial option for you, especially as you are shy.

I really miss having that someone special to be with but if it wasnt for my solid friendships I dont know what I would have done!

Set yourself one goal for this week to do something that will make you less isolated, even if its just going for a walk and saying hello to everyone you pass. That is how I started. My goal this week is to travel on the train to meet a friend for lunch. One goal each week. Its amazing but it can all build up.

Keep us updated. And good luck x

[Ianrussell69]

Lupus mctd is nothing to be ashamed of I did not want to tell people I had it but when the sudden tyeredness steps in and the pain I found people were more understanding after I told them and I work in an environment were the banter is mersaless just be yourself and be honest if the perspective partner is werthey of you they will support you all the best

[Jhpc]

Lots of good advice above, even going out for a short walk, stop for a coffee, see what courses are available for relaxing, or creativity.

Sometimes you have to give yourself a little push, a bit at a time.

Wish you all the best.

[Ppg112]

It can be lonely and I too find myself in a similar position from time to time. Honestly when I try some of the advice I’ve read in response to your request, I can say they’ve worked for me. Taking a short walk on a regular basis brings me in contact with other people including some of my neighbors who I have a quick chat with; going to the library also helps and joining a social group such as art classes encourages me to interact better with other people. Start small and take a step at a time. Best wishes

[leslieliesel]

xo....I am shy also...if not for my husband and daughters and grandchildren I would be alone.....I feel for you . What would I do???The only thing I can think of is go to a town meeting, where there are a lot of people .I can either hide among if my shyness takes control..or maybe find someone to talk with....going to something like that by myself, might not make me feel as self conscious as sitting at a coffee shop by myself....Xx

[Sk1s]

Loneliness is very difficult, but if possible try and go to places your interested in and can enthusiastically be able to talk and meet people. Which break the ice of a conversation to start. This is sometimes the best way to begin friendships which may be developed to something more special. All the best

[Paul_Howard Partner LUPUS UK]

Hi Hidden ,

We wrote a blog article a little while back about lupus and relationships which has some advice and personal experiences about telling a prospective partner about lupus. You may want to give it a read - lupusuk.org.uk/lupus-and-re...

[happytulip]

Hi Maria, have you been able to get out at all this week and feel a little less isolated?? X

[Hidden]

Sorry for the late reply but unfortunately I haven’t been out at all, really down atm, physically and mentally.The advices are really helpful and I hope to act on some soon. Thank you 😊