I'm not 100% sure about this post, it is an intimate question.
Last night Laura and I tried to get intimate, but, to find a way that was good for her was not good for me, and Vice versa. By the time we did get situated, the mood was pretty much gone!
Now our morning after is different from the normal morning after. Joints hurt so bad we can barely move. (Laura has arthritis in her hips).
It is to the point it is not worth it, a few short moments of pleasure, ends up being several hours and or days of pain!
So my question is, does anyone else have these issues and is there anything anyone has found to make intimacy with their husband or wife better, or just give it up completely?
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Tiras
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When the joins are bad it’s painful in my hips and shoulders? But giving up is I think a bad idea go to the gp my wife will sometimes hold off if I’m bad but I think it is very important to be intimate
I realised that our blog article about Lupus and Relationships may also be helpful for you. It includes a section about sex towards the end - lupusuk.org.uk/lupus-and-re...
There are some helpful links from it with a lot more to read. Enhance the UK is another organisation that you may want to have a look at - enhancetheuk.org/enhance/se...
"Cwtch" also has another meaning. It is another kind of small place, it is the act of creating a small space between you and another. It is like a hug ... but much much better! There are degrees of cwtching. To "cwtch-up" is to snuggle up with someone, particularly lovely on a cold Welsh winters night. There is just a plain old "cwtch" much like a hug (but better), and then theres "a-big-cwtch", now "a-big-cwtch" is something special, it is a "cwtch" but with extra gusto, it's the kind of cwtch you give when you haven't seen a loved one in years, it's the kind of cwtch where you squeeze with all your might. What's wonderful about cwtches is they reach out, and they engage with feeling.
That I can understand, Laura and I sleep like that. Honestly, there are some days it takes us literally 5 minutes to get out of bed, because we are so tangled up. It takes that long to get legs and arms apart so we can get up. We have been married for 36 years, and we have always slept snuggled up to each other. We can not sleep unless we are touching each other!
I have never heard of that word, and no way in the world could I even stat to pronounce it!😂
My husband and I 62..we have been together for over 40 years...from what you write, it seems that our Love for each other, is like you and your wife's. Sadly we also have been having ..not intimacy trouble...but copulation is seldom..and that saddens me greatly. Of course we have arrows being shot at us from all directions, which makes us not exactly in the mood...we did have a nice little getaway vacation a month ago....found out we still work xoxoxo...But back home...not so much.....
I never heard the expression Cwtch either.... I live in New England..Cape Cod USA
In answer to your question about giving up completely?? No...and I am going to try to listen to my own advice here....we will never be like we once were. Our LOVE for each other is certainly deeper and more complex than when we began all those decades ago.....for me ,sex for emotional connection is very important.....I need to not get hung up that we seldom engage, and just accept that we are not cuddly bunnies anymore xoxoxo...
My Best to You and your wife...Me and my husband...and all the others who struggle with this
I had Breast Cancer 12 years ago, and Have Lupus(mildish)...My husband Has Sjogrens(mild) and severe Migraines ...we also have adult Daughters..2 out of the 4 live on our property(separate dwellings) with our Grandchildren but still the in and out of our home any time of day ....well leaves us with no spontaneity time ....
Thanks for bringing up this topic...It helps to know that my husband and I are not alone xo
I think they are a lot of us, just time someone brought the subject up. (Boy is that ironic, bring the subject up😂).
I guess I didn't phrase it correctly, we are intimate, just not able to be sexually active (for lack of better explanation), we do try and some times we succeed, but, there are times we just give up. There are times we can't find a position that is good for both of us. Then the times we may finally find the right way for both of us, but, Then the mood is gone and we are not up to it anymore!
Another, Welsh person here Tiras, and I can definitely recommend a cwtch, the w is pronounced as in put not as in hut.
I have invested in a water bed, which allows me to be exactly the right temperature and as comfortable as possible. It was a good investment for us and does help with intimacy, but your right sometimes it does seem like too much effort.
Helen
Definitely don't give up. I'm 54 with Lupus and RA. We have become quite inventive, but mainly laughed. I have got stuck so main times........
Hi there! Yes, actually this is an ongoing problem for me; if it's not pain, it's fatigue, if it's not fatigue, it's 'biology' of some sort (yay, perimenopause, you're fuuuuuuuun >_< ). I've had various struggles, and have to approach it in different ways. First of all, for me there's many ways of being intimate. Just cuddling is great, or some gentle touching. As far as finding a position that works - this may sound weird, but do you know those 'play shapes' in like from kid ball pits and soft play areas? You can buy those online and they have the benefit of being rather squishy, easy to wash, and come in a variety of shapes - which you might be able to combine in a certain way in order to find a good position! I have a bed 'wedge' which comes in handy sometimes, either to lie back on, or to lie on front.
Mostly, I find a sense of humour is a must - sex is a funny business, and if it becomes a chore of intensity rather than just a fun bit of experimenting (FOR SCIENCE!!!) then, true, it may not be worth it. Don't have a end goal in mind - turn it into play. Giggle a bit! Make it fun, without expectations, and just experiment with this position, or that one. And if you're too tired afterwards, then that's ok, just scratch that bit of geometry off the list.
It's a rare thing for me to feel like doing anything lately - I had a pretty vicious combination of issues that meant I spent most of the past few months in so much pain I had to sleep on my own for months - but we still manage to enjoy cuddling together even so.
It seems to me that you are pretty much in the same boat we are? We have tried different things experimented. Many different positions, standing, laying, sitting, even tried an outside swing (a regular swing, not one of those "love swings"
Which is a thought😂). There have been a time or two we just had to do each other manually, but it is just not the same? The actual act is not easy for either one of us. Plus I have malignant hypertension, & COPD to go along with Lupus, so when we can, I am so out of breath and hurt all over in joints. I have to stop rest catch my breath, before I can do anything. Unfortunately sometimes we have to stay connected until I can move! There are times also that we have taken so long to find a way or position that we are just not up to it anymore (if you get my drift)
We cuddle al the time, the way we sleep at some point in the night we get all tangled up with each other(we do sleep nude, and all ways have for 36 years) it sometimes takes 5 to 10 minutes literally for us to get untangle and get out of bed. Neither one of us can sleep if we are not touching each other whether it's legs touching or her arm across me or mine across her. Something has to be touching!
Thank you for your reply, at least I know we are not the only married couple that is going through a situation like this.
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