It's won again!

[Whathappned]

Well I've just had to ring in sick.

I've been trying to keep going but the extra days for courses and the fact that it's so busy at work and I never finish on time has had its effect. I can't concentrate, I'm tearful and the aches and pains are back.

I still consider myself lucky when I read how so many on here suffer but like we all know I've had to listen to my body.

It's so frustrating when you've so much you want to do but can't. Mainly because my head is saying no and won't concentrate.

I've just taken my son to the orthodontist. I was so tired, I was in an area I dint know and didn't even see I was at a roundabout. I consider myself a canny driver usually but Much to my 16 year olds astonishment I went right and not around the roundabout. In my defence it wasn't well signposted in fact very confusing to me and it looked like the entrance to Morrisons.

Since returning home I've not managed a thing but lie on my bed, text and think of what I should be doing but haven't managed a thing.

Manager was really nice and I feel so guilty but as I write I'm getting emotional and that's been increasing too. So I know it's time to be off and think of my health or I'll end up off for months again.

[Asarahjohnson]

Hi. I do hope you have some rest and get better soon. Your story is very familiar to me and I'm sure many on here. I've been off work 16 months now but I'm going back very soon. Get some rest. Try not to feel guilty. You are doing the best you can under very difficult circumstances.

[Whathappned in reply to Asarahjohnson]

Thank you, I do find it hard not to feel guilty. I just wasn't safe to practice and would make an error or forget to do something.

I did nothing but try not to sleep so I would be able to sleep at night and as usual I couldn't sleep!

[Cookiecutter76]

I know, it's so hard to be off and not feel like a failure. I was pushing myself too far earlier this year, in an attempt to not be off sick, and eventually gave myself seizures which now won't go away - the body finds a way to make you rest eventually! The only way I've got through (I've been off work for most of the year so far) is to strictly focus on what I can do rather than what I can't. As soon as I catch myself thinking about things I can't do right now, I block the thoughts and find something else to focus on. That's not to say I haven't ended up on the floor weeping from time to time, but it has helped me to not waste time and energy on lamenting my losses. Plus my garden is looking the best it has for years!

Good luck on getting through this and back to work when you're ready!

x

[Whathappned in reply to Cookiecutter76]

Thank you Cookiecutter

I was doing really well. I had my hours at work sussed and a reasonable social life but if either increased I new about it. Recently both increased at the same time and I just need to stop.

The body has forced it on me. My brain just seems to shut down. It's like if I ignore the fatigue it just says no too much your stopping.

I immediately felt relief once I had rang in. It took the added stress away. You can potter at your own speed at home and stop when you want for as long as you want.

Although I am watching myself like you say stop thinking about things I can't do right now.

[Peggys1]

Hi. So sorry you're feeling like this at thr moment. I recognise the struggle only too well and the stress of being a sick person trying to lead a well persons' life. I tried my hardest for 4 years to hang onto my job. I remember my husband dropping me off at work and i was in tears going in to work because I felt so generally unwell. It felt as though I was trying to hang onto the life i knew but it was slipping away. It was a white knuckle ride until my boss eventually had enough and he "had to let me go".

I'm convinced that the stress of trying to be the person i used to be, with all the lack of diagnosis and uncertainty of what my life was going to be, made all symptoms worse and prolonged the flares.

I remember how horrible that time was for me and I send you loads of love and respect for your courage.

[Whathappned in reply to Peggys1]

Hi Peggy

Thank you for your thoughts.

I agree I think it's the fact that I can't think straight and keep up with the time limit that ends up increasing the problem when I used to be able to. My job is about timed appointments and error could be serious so I have to take my time leaving me very late. On good days I can just about cope with the new time scales but no way when the fatigue starts.

This means I leave work late and miss breaks, which in turn has just increased the problem. It's been the stress of worrying that I can do the job and safely as well as this illness.

The manager was ok when I rang in.

I'm looking to change workplace as people have said other places are less stressful but I am worried about that too.

I'm stuck I have a pension I've paid in to since I was 18 and I can claim it when im 55 (I know I'm lucky) but that's still 7 1/2 year away.

As they say a change is as good as a rest. So first I rest then I apply for a new job, fingers crossed x

[johare]

I felt the same for the last five years before I took ill health retirement at 52. I felt guilty when I was there, as I didn't feel I was working as well and then shattered when home. I was guilty when taking leave to recuperate. But finally I was collapsing. Both physically and mentally. Please read the signs. You will have more in your life the more energy you save now. Although others sympathise they will not understand but it doesn't matter. Good luck.