The Struggle

[bexiiee_b]

Hi all,

I'm wondering if I can get some advice please. I first got diagnosed with mental illness, specifically anxiety and depression at 16 and battled with it every day since (and prior!).

However, as of this year I've struggled with panic attacks far more severe than I've ever experienced before, along with agoraphobia. It's been the most bizarre thing I've ever had and it's HORRIBLE. I struggled so much I couldn't leave the house for a month and I had to take an entire month off work. I was advised not to go back but due to financial issues that wasn't really an option. I've since gotten slightly better and although I've been back in the "real world" just over a month, I can feel myself heading that way again.

My sadness is so horrendous and there is no justification. I'm trying to do my best to keep engaged with things I enjoy, and I cycle to work in London (something I had stopped doing due to the panicking) but I genuinely can't afford to be so ill again and I need to find a way to stop myself getting to that stage.

I'm mentally exhausted and am so stressed, but I've changed the aspects of my life that I can afford to change, but there are lots that I get no say in, and I have to deal with for the time being (eg finding a more enjoyable job!). Putting plans in place usually helps me, but I'm running out of steam, everything I try fails and I can just see myself where I was two months ago if I'm not careful and I want to make sure I do everything I can to avoid that!!!

In terms of treatment, I take tablets everyday at the safest, highest dose, unfortunately can no longer have diazepam due to being on it for too long already, and I'm back on another waiting list for psychological wellbeing support.

Has anyone got any advice they could give me on how to best get through?

Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks

B xx

[Hidden]

Hello

First I would like to say after reading your post and what you are going through how very well you are doing and you should be so proud at how you are trying to deal with a very debilitating illness as is anxiety and depression and any form of Mental Health issues

Anxiety feeds of fear it really does , that is how it gets control over us , we really have to try and muster up our strength even though I totally get how worn out we feel but if you can tell yourself that this is the anxiety talking and there is nothing to fear and all these problems that it is trying to tell you could happen just very well might not happen so you are going to take each day as it comes , do your best ( which you are doing ) in each day and you will deal with the " What if's " if and when they occur but for now you will let those thoughts go because for today even though it feels tough you are still managing

Can you speak to them at work about your problems and how you are feeling at the moment ?

I know this is not always the case but in the work place they should take your issues on board and maybe come up with a plan to support you at the moment

Waiting lists seem to be so long now in the UK to get support it really annoys me because it is all well and good referring us but there seems to be nothing that I know of to help us in the meantime when we really need it but I do hope even though we don't always have all the answers that by been able to talk with others that do understand what you are going through may help in a small way and do keep talking because that alone can help just venting how we feel

If you are feeling really know do not hesitate to see your Doctor again

Try and stay in the now and tell yourself for today you coped very well

Keep in touch and let us know how you get on x

[bexiiee_b in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for this reply!

It really helped me yesterday morning when it came to trying to put myself in the right mind set. I'm definitely trying but forgot that by worrying about getting worse, I was in fact making myself worse.

I feel that I'm merely waiting until the next time that I get ill at the moment.

Unfortunately work are not the most supportive, and although they were great with the time off I had, they won't allow any home working for days when I can't leave the house, but I just have to get on with it. As I have always.

I'm so exhausted though. Being mentally strong is DRAINING! And from experience I do just know that it's a case of "when" will I fall again, not "if".

Oh well!

Thanks though

Becki

[Hidden in reply to bexiiee_b]

Hi Becki

Staying positive is so very hard to do when you feel like you do , I have and still do experience all these feelings but we have to really try and turn those thoughts around into positive one's

No matter how you have been feeling or what you feel is going to happen that is negative have you ever sat down at the end of the week and focused on all the positive things you have achieved , writing them down can be a good way to see just how much positive has happened

There use to be a positive Friday post on here where we would come on and list 1 or more things that had happened during the week that was positive it helped us to see that sometimes it is not all as bad as it feels it was a popular post and I wish we could start it of again but there does not seem to be many of us using the Community to make it work at the moment

The mind is a very powerful thing and if we set it to focus and wait for something bad to happen it will but why should it ?

OK I accept and totally understand when you have been ill before you do have that fear of when will it happen again but it could be that it won't happen again or if it does because you have been through it before you are better prepared on how to deal with it and it could be that if it were to happen you would cope better , you would get back on your feet a lot quicker , we never know but as I always say we only have a day at a time to deal with so if for today you have coped then life is good and take tomorrow when it comes

Someone once said to me that you never are given more than you can deal with , I thought O no that is not true because I feel I cannot deal with everything but I get what they meant because no matter how bad things have got and believe me they have somehow someway I have got through it and so will you

Keep talking to us and keep us updated how you are getting on x