The Mask...

[shadow45]

A while back the actor Tom Cruise got into a heated argument on a chat show about meds and how they don't cure anything .... They just mask the symptoms of anxiety etc.... Now I have benn on meds for three months I can see where he was right in a way.... I feel that in my situation medication was the first step in becoming able to rationally deal with my issuers with anxiety panic attacks and depression.....

I go to therapy once a month now and am back a t work so my live has stabilized a great deal since my breakdown in December.... But now.. as in the past.. I am still trying to deal with the loneliness in my daily life .. Yes I have friends and my fellow workers are great to be around... Its the dreams I have of being in a relationship that are the worst kind of punishment.... As I wake up to the knowledge that it was a dream and the feelings I was experiencing in the dream..of being loved and the sense of touch and the sense of happiness at being in a relationship fades away.... and the sadness is there again.

No medication is going to mask that feeling. And no matter what I do in other areas of my recovery I`ll always have that empty feeling in my heart............ much love steve

[Hidden]

Hi Steve

I felt so sad reading your post & how lonely you were feeling

I wished I could wave a magic wand & fine that special person for you because if I could I would

One thing I have learnt over the years is that you can be in a relationship but if you don't have that inner peace inside you can still feel the loneliest person in the world

Over the years I have got in relationships thinking it will fix all this but it never did , made things worse at times in some cases but I do believe there is someone for everyone & when the time is right they enter you life , but maybe that is me been a romantic , but it is what I believe

I hope that special person is not to far away waiting to meet you

I am sorry I don't have a more constructive reply but wanted to let you know I had read your post

Love

whywhy

xxx

[shadow45 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Kiddo..Oh honey ..sorry my post made you feel sad. Its just shows how much compassion you have for others. I`ll sort it out one day I'm sure..I seen to (fall) for women that are unattainable at this point in my life. bless oyur heart.... steve

[Hidden in reply to shadow45]

Hi

Still like my kiddo

It is ok , I was just sad to read how lonely you felt , but there will be someone , I always say or my Mum did there is a lid that fits every pot you just have to wait till you find it

Oh well unattainable , look at me setting my sights on Will-i-am , now how unattainable is that hey , but it is nice to dream

Hope that might have made you smile a little

xxx

[shadow45]

[Hidden]

Hi Steve

Sorry you are feeling so lonely,

I oftenfeel lonely too even though I have my parents living with me.

I know how empty that feeling can be.

All can say in regards to meds as they are a support if you like to enable us to get better stay better and get the most out if life in conjunction with therapy, counselling self help etc.

You wouldn't tell a diabetic they are masking their insulin problem would you?

Personally I find tom cruises views quite offensive. He made some very unkind comments about Brooke Shields and her decision to take meds for her post partum depression.

I wouldn't worry about masking anything, your just helping your brain to function properly.

Xxxx

[bepete]

Hi Steve, nice to see you again , its been a while .

I see where you are coming from with the relationship thing, I am in the same boat so to speak , I recently was told that a good friend of mine was going to get married and although I was pleased for her , my heart sank !.

I sometimes feel that its not fair I should be on my own , but I continue to hope .!.

If I think about this for too long it definitely sets of my depression,.

I am pleased to see your job is going Ok .

I still haven't got a clue what I can do for work after I am finally better ,but I am healing up well.

Nice to see you again steve.

Pete.

[shadow45 in reply to bepete]

Hi Pete.. Over the years of being single I have had so many (crushes) on women that are either too young of are in relationships.... I have been told that I do this in to protect myself from getting too involved and then getting hurt.... When you get to my age most.. if not all women in my age group are single it's because they choose to be... I have met widows who are still attached to the dead husband etc etc.... I can live without someone else's baggage to deal with as well.. Its the dreams that I have... So I understand that deep down I feel the need for companionship as we all do. Getting the relationship part right is always the challenge... take care steve

[bepete in reply to shadow45]

I can see what you mean about protecting yourself Steve ,I do the same thing .

My last relationship broke down this February, it never really got the chance to really start, because as you have said, my girlfriend had issues, with her ex partner and I felt like I was being scrutinised by her , not being trusted etc. .

She was here at my home when I was involved in the accident.

But before that she used to ring me in the middle of the night with her night demons.

Distance didn't help us either.

She lived a 4 hour drive away from me and when the accident happened she was lost in my home town and surrounding area.

The hospital was an hours drive away from were I live ,and she had to rely on my family members to get to me but she eventually fell out with my sister which caused me more mental torture as I was still in hospital and couldn't really do anything about it.

Then she went and got herself banned from driving ,which made things even worse!

By the time I got out of hospital it was nearly Christmas, and I had to try to calm her down about the driving ban ,her missing her family and so on, which I could have done without ,because I was still traumatised from the accident.

I told her to go home and sort everything out with her family and so on, she did this

and I spent the new year on my own .

So eventually by February we were more or less spent.

I realised we were just tearing each other apart and I was slipping into depression.

So as you can see Steve I know how you feel .

Pete.

[nanaber]

Hi Steve so sorry to read your post about being lonely. My daughter is 5mths out of a relationship and she says that she can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely. Or she can be out and about and see a couple and her heart aches with loneliness so I do understand where your coming from. What I tell her I will yell you life is fluid it's always changing nothing stays the same and who knows what next week, next month or even next year will bring.

take care Steve and be kind to yourself

[anne1964]

Hi Steve

I felt your lonliness whilst reading your post...... and I empathise....

Im single and have been since ending my relationship last march 2013.. previously to this ive gone from bad relationship to bad relationship, (I too seem to go for the wrong sort)

and this time when I had my breakdown, I realised being in a relationship doesn't fix you, I realised I had to sort out my demons and work on myself.....

Im doing that now , and I too feel incredibly lonely at times and long for coupledom, even though I live with my family and have friends... Ive kinda resigned myself that ill be on my own and if I think about it too much, it is depressing, so I take it day by day.

But youve done really well to sort out your life, and who knows whats round the corner, now that youre living your life, youre a lovely guy and I hope you find someone nice, but don't worry too much about it.... you need the right girl this time!!

SEndng love Ker x

[shadow45 in reply to anne1964]

Well that's very nice of you.. I hope you are right To be honest I think the reason I have been single for so long comes from my fear of getting hurt again I took on the mantel of the lonely guy to avoid being the guy with the broken heart. ... much love stve

[Mysteryreader]

hI Syeve,

Your post made me feel a little sad that you feel so lonely but you have come a long way and who knows what might happen. Sometimes it takes a long time to find the right person but hopefully there is someone out there waiting for you.

MR

[shadow45]

I know you are right about that. I do have some close female friends (all in relationships) So I do get some affection in that sense .Its the body contact ..Hugs and snuggles in front of the telly, that type of thing, that are missing in my life. much love steve

[Ash86]

Loneliness gets to me, I have good family and friends but I've realised I crave someone to put me first. I just wanna be important to someone.

Xx