Help please. So anxious

Hi everyone, Ive had anxiety for years now since I was a teenager. I've been with my bf for 3 years and then we got engaged back in January and then just moved in together. I have been the best I've ever been til I moved away from my parents. Then I experienced my first panic attack, and haven't felt happy since. Please help me :( it's affecting my feelings for him and I'm in fear of life and the future

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  • Hello

    It sounds like you know how these feelings of anxiety started which in a way is a good thing when we do as we know what we are dealing with & what parts we need to work on

    Leaving the security of your parents home can be a big thing & for some a very anxious time & can get some getting used to

    I remember when I left home ( years ago now ) but I would cry at night wanting to be home again , I would be missing all my home comforts including my Mum , her dinners you name it , I wanted to be an adult but at the same time I wanted to still be in that place where you feel everything is safe usually for most their parents

    It is not your BF fault but when we are feeling anxious we will blame or feel it is the fault of whoever we feel may have put us in this position ...Do you sometimes feel maybe if it was not for him you would still be at home & not feeling anxious ?

    If you imagine yourself back at your parents yet still seeing your BF I bet those feelings you had for him would still be there , the fear you feel at the moment will be out weighing the love you will no doubt still have for him deep down

    Have you spoken to him about how you are feeling you can eliminate for now how you feel towards him or play that down slightly & focus more on how you are feeling in general , have you talked to Mum or Dad as well as maybe friends , it can be surprising how much others will understand as well as a relief to know that you are not the only person in the world to have ever felt like this

    Could be a good idea to go & talk to your Doctor about how you are feeling , he could refer you to some counselling if you are struggling

    Try to see panic attacks for what they are which is fear , they will not harm you even though unpleasant & when you have one focus on the fact you know what it is & once it has reached it's peak then the only way it can go is back down again & then disappear altogether

    Not sure if this will have helped but talk to your family if you can & let them support you through what is a big change in your life but one we do adapt to even though we can need help while we do x

  • All I can say is - THANK YOU SO MUCH. you have put how I feel into words and makes some sense. I just started seeing a counsellor last week. He's great. I'm just giving myself permission to take life one day at a time ATM. Thank you for responding xx it has made me feel more confident that I can do this. Thank you

  • I am pleased it helped , I had to go back in my mind quite a few years to remember just how it felt when I left home & like you I got anxious if I was going of my OH but no I was struggling to adapt but I wish they had the internet & sites like they do now so I could have been reassured I was not the only one in the world to feel this way as I really did feel at the time I was

    So pleased you are getting some support , give it time & you will slowly start to understand your emotions & where you are coming from & how to put them in perspective & you will :-)

    Keep talking even on here as that also helps us get through these times of anxiety , you will work through this , be kind to yourself :-) x

  • Thank you heaps :) xx

  • Talked to my counsellor today and he says I need to learn not to lean on my mum so much :/ but it's hard as we're best friends and always been that way

  • Hello

    Well I can see where your counselor is coming from , did they give you any coping methods how you can gradually start to do this ?

    I think it is wonderful that you see your Mum as a best friend that is indeed a very special relationship you have there & even if you let those strings that we feel attached to our Mums with just slack a little bit she will still be your best friend , she won't go any where :-)

    When you are a parent it can be just as hard to allow & let our Children start their own life's & it can hurt when we realize they don't need us as much but also when this happens we also know we have done a good job & given our Children the tools to be able to cope with life as you will maybe help produce the next generation in your family & your Mum would be thrilled to know she had taught you well so you can pass what she has so lovingly taught you

    It will get easier but give yourself time & remember how you are feeling is quite normal x

  • You make so much sense! Thank you for your kind words and support :) we've always been a very tight family as it's just me, mum, dad and little brother for as long as I've been alive. All our other family live hours away. But yes she will always be my best friend. I love her so much. And I've learned to just take everything one day at a time. It's hard to cuz my brothers already left home last year and she says she misses me. But it's all apart of getting a life of my own to hey x

  • Good morning , try to relax tell yourself it will be okay . Try talking to your parents on the phone more often, looks like that's what caused it . Talk to your soon to be husband and tell him how your feeling try to get as much support as needed to get reassurance .sometimes reassuring things make us feel better and help us calm down . Be positive always !!

  • Morning :) thank you, tonight is our engagement party so I'm a little nervous about that. But that's normal for me to be nervous about anything lol. I really hope I can cope with being away from home. Hopefully I'll get used to it soon. Otherwise I'll never be able to leave home and have a life :/

  • Hey guys so im just going to jump on the anxiety band waggon, so i started having it about a year ago, i think for me the most difficult thing is acceptance because i have gone 16 years of my life feeling fine, and when i had my first panic attack it was the most horrible feeling. i hate the loss of control and im quite an analytical person so for me i think things through a lot already. What scares me is the insecurity i feel about having a mental disorder- its like I was normal and now i feel like im just different from everyone, which being so confident in myself before is now difficult to deal with. sometimes i feel like i have to keep this barrier up- stopping myself from thinking about things and if i let that barrier down the panic sweeps over me. I just want to be able to deal with life events normally. Isolation is quite a bad thing for me too - i find if i spend too long along things are worse- i'm only 18 so why do i feel this stressed ugh. I've been accepted to study medicine which is great but im just having a lot of doubt about myself - 2 years ago i'd never see myself in this position so i just dont know what the future holds. Another issue im having is to do with the stigmatism surrounding mental illnesses- one of my friends who has anxiety ended up cutting and that scares me a lot because i never want to sink that low. It sounds silly but yeah, i just get scared about the future.

  • Hey panic boy, I know how u feel. I was good for a long time to in the last year or so now it's back I just want it gone :( I don't want to accept it!! It's going to ruin my relationship if I can't get help. I've talked to my counsellor today n basically I have to pick between my family and life out here in the country or my fiancé. I hate this ;(

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