Can my nanny pull through this, can she hear me?

Last Monday my nanny went into hospital for key hole surgery. She had an ateotic aneurism in her groin. What should have been 3-4 hours surgery turned into 9 hours because there were complications. Her arteries started breaking and she was bleading out. Now she has untold stents in her arteries including one in her kidney. That was Monday. It's now Saturday. She's been in an induced coma since, wires coming out of everywhere and she's on dialysis. There's a 90% chance when she wakes up she will be paralysed. This was supposed to be in and out surgery. Why is my 77 year old nanny fighting for her life? All I can do is sit there beside her bed in ICU, hold her hand and let her know I'm here. There's talk about if she shows no improvement over the weekend they basically giving up. But she's not deteriorating, she's just staying the same so I don't want them to give up, she just needs time! My heart is aching and I just want to talk to those who have been through similar, offer me any comfort/advise xx

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  • Hi

    I am so sorry to hear this news.

    I have two family members in non induced comas at the present. The first is my 5 year old son Zac, who is still in a coma 3 months, a week and 2 days today, on a childrens ward, after a freak accident at a swimming pool. The second is my 32 year old brother Eric, who is still in a coma a week today, in intensive care, after being knocked down.

    I have also, just like you, asked myself when my son was and now my brother is in intensive care "Why is my 5 year old son and now 32 year old brother fighting for life?"

    All the advise I can give you is hold your nan's hand and keep talking to her, if you can't think of anything to say to her, just hold her hand and stroke/rub it because from my experiences both my family members still in comas have shown signs, through the heart montior, montioring them, that they might heard me and have known I have been there as well.

    Hope I have helped you and you and your nan are in my prayers and thoughts always.

    Andy

    P.S. Doctors have also told me that when my son wakes up it will be 50/50% chance he will be brain damaged from his brain injuries and also that when my brother wakes up it will be 80% chance he will be brain damaged and paralyzed from his brain and spinal injuries as well.

  • My goodness. What a terrible terrible time for you! I guess we just have to be extra strong for them. That's all we can do! I have sat with my nan for 7 hours today holding her hand and stroking her head. It's such an up and down experience playing with my emotions. One minute they're taking off the sedation and her lactate levels are going down which is brill, but now she has blisters and sores which are weaping. the machines were nice and quiet pretty much most of the day and she is breathing along with the machine. Just fingers crossed it's all the same tomorrow, if not better! Thank you for your reply, it's good to talk to someone who is not family and who is going through something similar. Prayers and love to you and your family and my nanny x

  • Hi Georgia,

    I'm very sorry to hear about your Nanny's situation.

    It sounds to me like it's way too early to be giving up. ICU teams tend to very negative very quickly and they can paint a "doom and gloom" without you and your family really understanding what's going on.

    Here is a link to an article/video that will explain if your nanny can hear you in the induced coma

    intensivecarehotline.com/qu...

    Also, if the ICU team and the doctors are talking about "giving up" if your Nanny is not improving, it could mean that you and your family are ill prepared to challenge their positioning.

    If you want to have the best treatment and care for your Nanny you might have to look into doing more of your own research.

    Time is often the ultimate healer in Intensive Care and many ICU's are not prepared to put in the emotional and financial resources towards best care and treatment, especially when a person is considered elderly.

    Your positioning and also the research you are prepared to do often makes all the difference.

    Check out this article/video here for more information

    THE 5 QUESTIONS YOU NEED TO ASK WHEN THE INTENSIVE CARE TEAM IS TALKING ABOUT “FUTILITY OF TREATMENT”, “WITHDRAWAL OF LIFE SUPPORT” OR ABOUT “WITHDRAWAL OF TREATMENT”!

    intensivecarehotline.com/bl...

    Wishing you and your family all the best!

  • Thank you very much for all of this information. I will surely be having a read and getting more clued up. Was a little bit upset this morning as I went in there and she had blood/saliva down her face which I wiped off, she needed suction in her mouth so they done that when I asked, and because she's being pumped with so much fluid she's 'oozing' (the term the nurse used) so I was holding her hand and felt liquid, there was liquid coming out of a tiny pin prick hole, I asked them to patch that up. When I wiped her mouth I could have sworn she moved her mouth however it could have just been the breathing tube. Didn't sleep at all again last night, I need to rest so I can be here for her. I've had to come out for a minute and gather my thoughts and have some water. Thank you again x

  • Also, your Nanny's kidneys are probably failing because of the aortic aneurysm

    Check out this article/video here for more information/explanation

    intensivecarehotline.com/qu...

    With Lactate up and down it's probably that she has a severe infection and with the antibiotics and the Dialysis it'll hopefully stay down.

    If she's "oozing" she's probably fluid overloaded and she may also have a low Albumin.

    They may not be able to be too aggressive to remove fluids with the Dialysis machine because your Nanny might still be too unstable.

    Keep in mind your Nanny has only been in ICU for 6 days, it's very early days.

    Warm Regards

  • Thank you. Is it true that if her bowel dies there's nothing they can do? She has necrosis and has rejected the tube feed. Yesterday seemed so positive, today is awful.

  • If she has necrosis in her bowels that's why her Lactate is going up. A surgical bowel resection may help but she may be too unstable. I would need more information, I.e. is she on Inotropes

    intensivecarehotline.com/yo...

    There can be many ups and downs though. Why does she have the necrosis?

  • Also, your Nanny's kidneys are probably failing because of the aortic aneurysm

    Check out this article/video here for more information/explanation

    intensivecarehotline.com/qu...

    With Lactate up and down it's probably that she has a severe infection and with the antibiotics and the Dialysis it'll hopefully stay down.

    If she's "oozing" she's probably fluid overloaded and she may also have a low Albumin.

    They may not be able to be too aggressive to remove fluids with the Dialysis machine because your Nanny might still be too unstable.

    Keep in mind your Nanny has only been in ICU for 6 days, it's very early days.

    Warm Regards

  • Hi

    Something I forgot to mention in my reply yesterday was is what you are already doing, which is stroking their forehead. Also I have been stroking/brushing their hair and taking in their favourite music/sounds on either a moblie/MP3 player.

    Still thinking of you and your nan in my prayers and thoughts always.

    Andy

  • Thank you Andy. We've been playing her frank Sinatra, it's her favourite. I forever hold her hand, I put her hand on my face just now too. Just want her to wake up so I can hear her voice and see her little eyes.

    Georgia

  • Hi Georgia

    I also just want my youngest son Zac and youngest brother Eric to wake up to, so I can see their beautiful dark brown eyes ( same as mine) and hear their voices again.

    Still thinking of you and your nan in my prayers and thoughts always.

    Andy

  • My husband was in an induced coma for 3 months with multi organ failure and ARDS after catching flu this year. The ICU staff tried to explain that it would be very up and down, but nothing prepares you for the rollercoaster of emotions and situations that you experience. You have to make sure you look after yourself though. Try and sleep when you can and make sure you eat properly. My husband is now at home and is recovering, something i thought would never happen. They will be doing everything they can for your nanny, but it is early days, so try and hold on to any positives. I had to try and take each hour as it came. I will be thinking of you. Jackie. xx

  • Thank you Jackie. Admitidly I am not looking after myself which is not helping anyone. My eyes are so puffy where I'm crying and not sleeping. Barely eating, need to sit down before I fall down. Sorry to hear about your husband However it is a comfort to me that your husband pulled through and Is on the way to recovery. I am back up the ICU after leaving this morning at 2am! waiting to have an update with the consultants. Her body is showing signs that her stomach is shutting down which is a huge worry in someone already so poorly. Fingers crossed they give us good news. I'm still not sure I'm going to be a part of that conversation as I had a similar one Friday which was basically if she doesn't pull through the weekend and doesn't show improvement there's nothing else they can do and she's just suffering. I can't even go in and see her today, she looked so poorly last night I just can't take it. Is that selfish of me? I'm so confuesed, angry, sad. Xx

  • No thats not selfish at all. I felt the same, I couldn't bare to see Miles suffering, and I used to look at him and think that his body couldn't take anymore. We were told that there wasn't much more that they could do, but somehow he just hung on. It is the most horrible time and something that unless you've experienced that ICU situation, you just couldn't understand the intense, heightened emotions that you go through.

    Hang on in there, you are doing really well. I used to try and take someone in with me to see the consultant and they would write down what was beeing said, so that we could do a bit of our own research too. I used to dread those meetings because it was like I was given some good news and then it would be taken straight away.

    I hope the meeting goes well and that you get some hope from it.

    Thinking of you.

    Jackie

    xx

  • That's just it, she looked so poorly yesterday, I just can't go in there and sit staring at her hopelessly. Her skin was so yellow. I'm not silly, I know that could be signs of her liver giving up. You're so right about the emotional rollercoaster. We have literally had good news, bad news, good news, bad news. Just can't take it anymore, it's exhausting. Thank you so much for your kinds words and well wishes. Fingers crossed for the meeting with the consultants and I'll update xx

  • My nanny has gone to sleep. The consultants said there was nothing else they could do. 💔💔💔

  • I'm so so sorry to here that. My thoughts are with you and your family. It's such a horrible time for you. xxx

  • Hi Georgia

    I am very sorry to hear this news about your nan.

    Just had some bad news about my youngest brother Eric, who is still in Intensive care, 9 days, after being knocked down, today.

    Still thinking of you and your family at this difficult time, in my prayers and thoughts always.

    Andy

  • My prayers to you and the boys. Just be with them when ever you can x

  • Just been reading through this thread - so sorry for your loss!! My dad has been in hospital for 15 weeks now - 7 of them in ITU. I am clinging to any sliver of hope they throw me - we have been called in twice to say goodbye and been told another couple of times in meetings there is nothing more they can do. So far hanging on in there - though what his quality of life will be like I don't know as at present one of his vocal chords is paralysed so he can no longer eat. I'm sorry your situation did not have a better outcome I was about to tell you to cling to the sliver of hope then read your nanny had sadly passed away. sending hugs xxx

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